I Know It’s About As Sporting As Clubbing Baby Seals…

"Dear EMS Worker,

Lighten up.

Then go look up "satire" in the dictionary… and if you want respect, try to use something other than poorly punctuated and grammatically incorrect text speak when you comment on a public forum."

Apparently, that flipped his/her Righteous Indignation Switch, because they fired off this riposte:

"Uh for your information its called auto correct and my phone sometimes adds words and changes them because of it…so back the fuck off its also called freedom of speech and everyone is entitled to their own opinion and everyoneis has their own pet peeves. This just happens to be mine and that's all I was simply stating..I wasn't putting down anyone so u lighten the fuck up and don't take it personal . Is that punctual enough for you?"

Oh, where to begin?

I've already responded to the unreasoning anger and indignation my blog title engenders in some people, and rather than repeat it, those who want to can read it here.

Instead, I'll respond in kind to the tone of EMS Worker's comment. Long-time readers of my blog know that I welcome dissenting comments here. Heck, I'll even publicly apologize when I am unfair to someone who disagrees with me. My one rule is that I don't allow personal attacks. Do that, and you eat the Ban Hammer. No warnings, no second chances, just permanent banishment to the little kid's table so the adults can converse in peace.

But, much like Taylor Mali, I have a policy when it comes to honesty and ass-kicking: if you ask for it, I have to let you have it, even if it means engaging in a battle of wits with an unarmed person like yourself.

Uh for your information its called auto correct and my phone sometimes adds words and changes them because of it

So your autocorrect changes are to r and adds multiple exclamation points? Deletes commas and makes run on sentences, too? Mangles your sentence structure? Does it also use words incorrectly? My suggestion is to go look up the word punctual in the dictionary and see if it fits in this context.

I fear that your phone's autocorrect isn't making you look like an idiot, it's just failing to disguise it.

… so back the fuck off its also called freedom of speech and everyone is entitled to their own opinion and everyoneis has their own pet peeves

My pet peeve is trolls who come over to my blog and feel justified to tell me how to act.  By the way, the First Amendment prohibits the federal government from limiting your right to express yourself. It does not apply to me. Apparently, your high school Civics teacher failed you just as miserably as your English teacher, and you somehow also managed to slip through an EMT class without ever learning to write coherently.

I won't fault your EMT instructor, though. Sometimes the public education system doesn't give us much to work with.

For your information, here on this blog, my house on the Internet, I can limit your speech however the hell I want. I can delete your comments, block them, edit them, fold, spindle and mutilate them, because this is MY forum. The only reason I haven't deleted, blocked or edited them is a) courtesy, and b) because it's just too darned fun to make fun of you instead.

This just happens to be mine and that's all I was simply stating..I wasn't putting down anyone so u lighten the fuck up and don't take it personal . Is that punctual enough for you?

Respect is earned. Your EMT patch doesn't buy you jack squat. I know plenty of people with the same patch who aren't fit to work on my worst enemy, much less anyone dear to me. I have a patch just like yours and a wallet full of certification cards, and they don't buy me respect either.

What does earn you respect are the standards by which you conduct yourself in public. Showing your ass on my blog doesn't qualify.

And just so you know who you're chiding on the internet, allow me to introduce myself:

My internet handle is Ambulance Driver, but my real name can be turned up in a 30-second Google search. I use the term "Ambulance Driver" as a satirical poke at the public's misconception of EMS. Sometimes that satire flies over the head of mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging adrenaline junkies like yourself, but hey, since our textbooks are written at the 8-10th grade reading levels, I realize it's inevitable that some people with poor reading comprehension and writing skills make it into our midst.

Mainly the true EMS professionals spot those people pretty quickly, relegate them to tasks that won't get anyone killed, and allow them the polite fiction that they're heroic lifesavers. Sometimes we even let them do chest compressions so they can brag, like you have, that they have "tryed to save a life you knew was already gone."  We might even hand them a Hurst tool, under close supervision of course, so they can say they "used the jaws of life to pri an infant out of a mangled car."

And we politely refrain from pointing out that, most times, an infant can be extricated through a window.

I have been a critical care medic, educator, published author, blogger, podcaster, consultant, conference speaker and EMS advocate for close to twenty years; nearly all of my adult life. I have spoken at EMS conferences around this country to thousands of people, taught thousands more ACLS, PALS, PEPP, PHTLS, AMLS, GEMS, Farmedic or CPR, and taught a few hundred people to be EMT's or paramedics.

I have intubated, decompressed, defibrillated, cardioverted, paced, splinted and administered drugs on more occasions than I can ever hope to remember.

I have probably forgotten more patient presentations than you have seen.

And every single morning, I take a long, leisurely crap. When I flush the toilet, more knowledge, talent, experience and passion for EMS goes into the sewer than you currently possess in your entire body.

Just so you know whose carpet you're shitting on, EMS Worker.