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These Are Your Protocols? How… Quaint.

41 comments

In the recent mass stabbing at Lone Star College in Harris County, TX, fourteen people were transported to local hospitals by EMS. A blog reader pointed me to the CNN.com story on the event, and the associated photo gallery. There are a couple of video clips, as well. You EMS folks, go look at the photos and video, and come back and tell me what's wrong with those pictures.

I'll wait.

 

Okay, we all back?

If you answered, "Why are those penetrating trauma victims spinally immobilized?" you win the cement bicycle and a two-night's stay at Buford's Bed and Breakfast, Tire Repair and Oil Change in that lush vacation destination of LaDonia, TX.

Now, with the caveat that every medic is an expert about some other medic's call, I wonder if the ambulance crews who responded are aware of the research that discourages prehospital immobilization of penetrating trauma victims:

We performed a retrospective analysis of penetrating trauma patients in the National Trauma Data Bank (version 6.2). Multiple logistic regression was used with mortality as the primary outcome measure. We compared patients with versus without prehospital spine immobilization, using patient demographics, mechanism (stab vs. gunshot), physiologic and anatomic injury severity, and other prehospital procedures as covariates. Subset analysis was performed based on Injury Severity Score category, mechanism, and blood pressure. We calculated a number needed to treat and number needed to harm for spine immobilization.

In total, 45,284 penetrating trauma patients were studied; 4.3% of whom underwent spine immobilization. Overall mortality was 8.1%. Unadjusted mortality was twice as high in spine-immobilized patients (14.7% vs. 7.2%, p < 0.001). The odds ratio of death for spine-immobilized patients was 2.06 (95% CI: 1.35-3.13) compared with non-immobilized patients. Subset analysis showed consistent trends in all populations. Only 30 (0.01%) patients had incomplete spinal cord injury and underwent operative spine fixation. The number needed to treat with spine immobilization to potentially benefit one patient was 1,032. The number needed to harm with spine immobilization to potentially contribute to one death was 66.

(emphasis mine)

It would seem that, given two groups of penetrating trauma patients, well-matched for mechanism, injury severity scores and blood pressure, the act of strapping a patient to a rigid board makes them twice as likely to die as simply placing them on the stretcher.

By performing prehospital spinal immobilization, you will harm or kill 16 penetrating trauma patients for every 1 it will potentially benefit.

I say "potentially" because there is still zero evidence that spinal immobilization to a rigid board does any good at all, even for people with broken necks.

Either there's a whole bunch of people upstairs wearing halo devices, or we're boarding way too many people.

 

Cy Fair Volunteer Fire Department, the primary response agency at the incident, is a combination paid/volunteer department that serves the Cypress and Fairbanks communities of unincorporated Harris County, TX. With over 500 members (200 paid) and 12 stations, they bill themselves as the United States' largest volunteer fire department.

In other words, this ain't some rooty-poot, half-assed, mom-and-pop ambulance service firmly stuck in the 1980's.

No, this is a major metropolitan EMS system firmly stuck in the 1980's.

Now, I'm going to give the Cy Fair medics the benefit of the doubt. Plenty of good medics are stuck in systems with ancient, outdated protocols that force them to do ineffective and potentially harmful stuff to patients every day. It is what it is.

Some might even say that it's easy to have liberal, progressive protocols at a smaller department. When you only have a couple of hospitals to convince, and a medical director who knows all his crews personally., training and education are a fairly simple matter. I knew that to be the case at The Little Ambulance Service That Could, when I wrote what were, at the time, the most progressive and advanced prehospital treatment protocols anywhere in our state. We could do anything short of opening the cranial cavity without direct medical orders, and we were good at what we did.

In 1997, after the Airway Call From Hell, I did a weekend's worth of research and developed an RSI protocol and airway management training program for that service. We implemented it a week later, and were using it for nearly a year before the state got wind of it, and shat their bureaucratic pants. Ultimately, after a couple of years percolating through the bureaucracy and my current employer throwing their not-insignificant support behind my proposal, RSI was added to the state EMS scope of practice.

But when you have 2000 medics to train, educate and monitor instead of 20, change comes slower. It wasn't too many years ago that my fellow Borg drones had to call for permission to start an IV, or do BLS CPR while the medic got on the phone to a hospital and begged for permission to implement ACLS protocols.

Thankfully, that is no longer the case, and The Borg has an extensive system in place to train, QA and educate their crews, and protocol revisions are an ongoing thing. We get minor changes frequently, and a major revision every few years. Things like equipment upgrades and protocol revisions to keep pace with current medication shortages are an almost monthly thing.

All this is to say that, if you've got good crews and a medical director who trusts them, change can come pretty easily, even in a big EMS system.

But what if your medical director is the EMS equivalent of Bigfoot or the female clitoris; lots of men have heard of it, but very few have every actually found one? What if your medical director has never even met the vast majority of the crews whose medical practice he is responsible for delegating, much less been actively involved in their training, QA and supervision?

I'm guessing that's how you get restrictive protocols, and wind up still doing things that were proven not to be beneficial ten or twenty years ago.

With a little digging through online public records by a couple of friends, I found Cy Fair's medical director.

Since 2008, he has been listed as medical director for 137 EMS agencies or entities in south Texas.

Of those, he is listed as the current medical director for 71 ambulance services or entities that provide EMS or EMS training. He let 48 licenses expire in those five years, and another 18 services he directed voluntarily surrendered their business licenses, either by going out of business or to avoid disciplinary action.

Busy man, that doctor.

Then again, not as busy as he used to be. Maybe he decided that a full-time medical practice and serving as medical director for 137 ambulance services was stretching himself a little too thin, and he cut it back to a more manageable 71.

Call me a wild-eyed conspiracy theorist, but I think I see a big part of the problem.

Wait… What?

6 comments

From Pravda MSNBC: Senators: Deal Reached On Background Checks.

Two key senators have reached a deal to expand background checks to firearms sales at gun shows and on the Internet, sources close to the negotiations said early Wednesday.

Um, guys? You already can't buy guns on the Internet without a background check. Go to one of the Internet sellers, Gunbroker, what have you, and purchase a gun. Said gun has to be shipped to a local FFL, who then does the standard background check, has you fill out a ATF Form 4473, the whole nine yards.

No background check, no gun.

The article is short on details (and facts, and accuracy, but hey, it's MSNBC), but it would seem that what senators Manchin and Toomey (R), State of Cowardice, propose is an expansion of background checks that really doesn't expand background checks.

I suppose that's better than the other kind of anti-gun legislation, the kind that stop gun crime without really stopping gun crime.

Overheard On The ‘Bolance

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Patient: “I don’t want to go to no hospital. I ain’t got no ride home. I’ll just go stay in my neighbor’s trailer tonight.”

Deputy: “The medics just told you one of those cuts might need a couple stitches. Ain’t there somebody you can call to give you a ride home from the hospital?

Patient: “There would be, if I could find my cell phone. Muhfucka threw it somewhere ‘long with all them bottles he throwed at me.”

Ambulance Driver: “There’s a cell phone right there next to you on the sofa, Ma’am. Problem solved.”

Patient: “That’s my government phone. It only calls 911.”

Ambulance Driver: “Wait, you have a government-supplied cell phone, and a personal cell phone? That you, like, pay money for?”

Patient: “Yeah.”

Deputy (disgusted): “Remind me why my taxes are higher this year? Something about needing more revenue to fund essential government programs?”

Overheard in the ED

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Triage Nurse: “So what’s with your patient?”

AD: “Spewing from both ends for three days.”

TN:… and?

AD: “Don’t know shit about him, didn’t do shit for him.”

TN: “Oh. One of those, huh?”

AD: “Yeah, he’s a real sweetheart. You’ll love him.”

You Crazy Kids With Your Davy Crockett Hats and Your Hula Hoops and Your Rock And Roll Music…

4 comments

Hat tip to Jay G. for this one:

 

Utah school cancels Elvis musical after complaints that All Shook Up is sexually suggestive.

 

In other news, Jailhouse Rock caused a spike in crime, Teddy Bear encouraged bestiality, and In The Ghetto glamourized the inner city culture that led to rap music and drive-by shootings.

If they really wanted to point fingers, they'd ban Extreme's More Than Words, because many a 1980's teenage girl has given it up to the "If you loved me, you'd put out" song.

Well, at least in my experience…

On EMS Treatment Protocols

7 comments

Protocols are intended to be an organized framework for delivering care.

Written well, they are a floor, ensuring that even the least competent medic in your system delivers the same basic care as your best medic.

Written poorly, they are a ceiling, forcing the best medic in your system to render care on a par with the least competent one.

That is why you should always question poorly written and overly restrictive protocols.

Restrictive protocols are not written to do the patient the most good.

They are written to do the patient the least harm, because the people who wrote them doubt your ability to think, and use your brain to make good decisions in rendering care.

And as long as you continue to follow those protocols blindly and without questioning their wisdom, those people are right.

While We’re On The Subject of Ad Hominem Attacks and Ridicule…

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… I give you this snippet from a comment thread on Kevin, MD.

Molly RN: The weapon of the day when the 2'nd ammendment was written was the single shot musket. I believe in the right to bear a single shot musket and that is the only weapon allowed under the 2'nd ammendment, if you want to be a strict constructionist like the Scalia. Actually if the Founding Fathers weren't talking about a militia having the right to bear arms, then why in hell do they put well trained militia so prominent in the sentence?

Ambulance Driver: The communication tools of the day when the First Amendment was written were oral speeches, quill pens, and the printing press. Yet here you are exercising your right of free speech on the Internet.

Your argument is invalid.

Molly RN: What a sad person you are to prefer guns to children's lives.

Ambulance Driver: And what a sad and contemptible person you are, that you cannot see the logical fallacy in your own argument, and instead resort to making baseless assumptions and ad hominem attacks.

You behave like a child.

Molly RN: Your argument is invalid.

Ambulance Driver: You state that the founding fathers did not envision anything beyond muskets when they wrote the Second Amendment, and when I point out that they couldn't have possibly envisioned the medium you're using to express your First Amendment rights, either, your reply is that I value assault rifles more than the lives of children.

No statement I have made in this thread gives you reason to assume such a thing.

So yes, you are behaving like a petulant child.

What's your next tactic, "I'm rubber, you're glue?"

Molly RN: You can continue to attack me, but I am finished as I truly feel sorry for you and your intense hate.

Ambulance Driver: Again, where do you get hatred from? I don't even know you, and I certainly don't hate you.

Do you always accuse people who disagree with you of hating you or being sociopaths?

People can't argue without hating each other?

I don't hate you, but I'll certainly agree that debating you is pointless. You're all emotion, no reason.

 

This is the level of discourse of people we have to contend with.

And they vote.

[shudder]

 

 

Overheard On The Bolance

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Verbatim conversation at the homeless shelter this morning:

AD: "Hello, Sir. What seems to be the problem this morning?"

Sullen, Uncooperative Patient: "I gotta get outta this place, man."

AD: "Okay. Any particular reason?"

SUP: "I catch seizures."

AD: "Okay, and you caught one this morning?"

SUP: " … "

AD: "Sir?"

SUP: "I done told you I catch seizures, muhfucka. Now can we get da fuck up outta dis place?"

AD: "Did anyone see this seizure?"

Pontificating Roommate: "I seen it!"

AD: "Can you describe what happened?"

PR (sucking in a loooong breath): "See, whut had happen wuz, he s'posta be takin' DeLorean and he ain't had it in 72 hours because of a dispute he had wit' the Medicaid folks and his body be metabolizatin' all his medication and thass why he catch seizures and he need some more and he compulsed about fifteen minutes and then he locked up in the fixed stare and I stayed wit' him and put a spoon in his mouf so he don't swallow his tongue…"

AD: "And when did all this happen?"

PR: "About four hours ago."

AD: "Well… alrighty, then."

I'm glad they called the ambulance so promptly. If we hadn't gotten da fuck up outta dat place soon, who knows what might have happened.

Dear TSA…

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… you are all a bunch of booger-eating, mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging cretins with a collective double-digit IQ.

I don’t care what your drafted-by-an-illiterate-idiot regulations say, a rifle scope is not a firearm part. It is an optical instrument, functionally no different than a camera or a telephoto lens.

What the hell am I going to do with the thing that could possibly endanger passengers? Look in your ears through it to see if I can spot that one lonely little brain cell?

And Shanequia the x-ray screener who totally lost her shit when she spotted the scope in my carry-on, I hope the TSA fires you and you have to go back to your job at Wendy’s, fucking up everyone’s drive-through orders.

I guess I shouldn’t have expected better of a government jobs program for people who couldn’t meet the academic standards of the Wal Mart Greeter Academy.

The Parable of the Five Monkeys

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A friend sent me this a while back as an argument in favor of voting against political incumbents:

A group of psychologists performed an experiment years ago, in which they started with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage, they hung a banana on a string with a set of stairs placed under it. Before long, a monkey went to the stairs and started to climb towards the banana. As soon as he started up the stairs, the psychologists sprayed all of the other monkeys with ice cold water. After a while, another monkey made an attempt to obtain the banana.  As soon as his foot touched the stairs, all of the other monkeys were sprayed with ice cold water. It's wasn't long before all of the other monkeys would physically prevent any monkey from climbing the stairs.

Now, the psychologists shut off the cold water, removed one monkey from the cage and replaced it with a new one. The new monkey saw the banana and started to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attacked him.  After another attempt and attack, he discovered that if he tried to climb the stairs, he would be assaulted. Next they removed another of the original five monkeys and replaced it with a new one. The newcomer went to the stairs and was attacked. The previous newcomer took part in the punishment with enthusiasm!

Likewise, they replaced a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey tried to climb the stairs, he was attacked. The monkeys had no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they were beating any monkey that tried.

After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys had ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approached the stairs to try for the banana. Why not? Because as far as they know that's the way it's always been around here.

And that, my friend said, is why occasionally all the monkeys should be replaced at once, the monkeys being incumbent politicians.

Now, the original research has been lost to history, if indeed it ever existed. Most sources consider it a parable and a thought experiment demonstrating organizational inertia and resistance to change.

But it provides an excellent explanation as to why bad ideas and outdated concepts persist in EMS organizational culture; because that's the way we've always done it.

I was reminded of this email by this comment thread on Paramedics on Facebook, in which I was reminded yet again that we still have plenty of monkeys who discourage the newcomer from reaching for the bananas, without really knowing why.

The motivation behind why we do a great many things in EMS has been long forgotten, but still enforced by new generations of unquestioning monkeys.

That's why every monkey EMT should actively seek out bananas ideas and and concepts from monkeys EMT's from other cages organizations.

Because if your justification for doing something is "That's the way we've always done it," or you reject contrary ideas because "That's not the way we learned it in school," you're just another unquestioning EMS monkey, and you'll always have to settle for working for bananas.

Saving Lives, Stamping Out Disease*

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First two 911 calls of the night:

1. Caterpillar sting.After I informed the patient that the Emergency Department was all out of caterpillar antivenin, he decided that the measures he had taken thus far (wash with warm soapy water, apply Scotch tape, apply ice pack) would probably keep the Grim Reaper at bay a little longer. And it’s a good thing, too. It was touch-and-go there for a minute.

2. Vaginal bleeding. Poor dear, she’s been bleeding from the vagina for two days. 36 years old, no chance of pregnancy or miscarriage.

When was her last menstrual period? Glad you asked!

It started two days ago.

This keeps happening to her, like, every 28 days or so. It’s almost like it’s on a cycle or something!

Weird, huh?

And no, I only wish I were making these up.

Edited to add: Just had a patient with Tachylawdia with bigeminal PJC’s and intermittent Amens, alternating with periods of peaceful slumber until she notices once again that she has an attentive audience. Then she cranks the drama to eleven again.

Been a while since I had one of those.

*The third part of the saying is, “… and thwarting natural selection at every turn.”

Heavy emphasis on the third part tonight.

I Know It’s About As Sporting As Clubbing Baby Seals…

32 comments

… but some people are just begging for ridicule.

In this post, someone calling him/herself "EMS Worker" left this little gem of a comment:

"We r not ambulance drivers!!!! I hate it when nurse say "I the ambulance drivers r here" like we r a taxi…we r ems workers with a lot if training and deserve more respect than that."

To which I replied,

"Dear EMS Worker,

Lighten up.

Then go look up "satire" in the dictionary… and if you want respect, try to use something other than poorly punctuated and grammatically incorrect text speak when you comment on a public forum."

Apparently, that flipped his/her Righteous Indignation Switch, because they fired off this riposte:

"Uh for your information its called auto correct and my phone sometimes adds words and changes them because of it…so back the fuck off its also called freedom of speech and everyone is entitled to their own opinion and everyoneis has their own pet peeves. This just happens to be mine and that's all I was simply stating..I wasn't putting down anyone so u lighten the fuck up and don't take it personal . Is that punctual enough for you?"

Oh, where to begin?

I've already responded to the unreasoning anger and indignation my blog title engenders in some people, and rather than repeat it, those who want to can read it here.

Instead, I'll respond in kind to the tone of EMS Worker's comment. Long-time readers of my blog know that I welcome dissenting comments here. Heck, I'll even publicly apologize when I am unfair to someone who disagrees with me. My one rule is that I don't allow personal attacks. Do that, and you eat the Ban Hammer. No warnings, no second chances, just permanent banishment to the little kid's table so the adults can converse in peace.

But, much like Taylor Mali, I have a policy when it comes to honesty and ass-kicking: if you ask for it, I have to let you have it, even if it means engaging in a battle of wits with an unarmed person like yourself.

Uh for your information its called auto correct and my phone sometimes adds words and changes them because of it

So your autocorrect changes are to r and adds multiple exclamation points? Deletes commas and makes run on sentences, too? Mangles your sentence structure? Does it also use words incorrectly? My suggestion is to go look up the word punctual in the dictionary and see if it fits in this context.

I fear that your phone's autocorrect isn't making you look like an idiot, it's just failing to disguise it.

… so back the fuck off its also called freedom of speech and everyone is entitled to their own opinion and everyoneis has their own pet peeves

My pet peeve is trolls who come over to my blog and feel justified to tell me how to act.  By the way, the First Amendment prohibits the federal government from limiting your right to express yourself. It does not apply to me. Apparently, your high school Civics teacher failed you just as miserably as your English teacher, and you somehow also managed to slip through an EMT class without ever learning to write coherently.

I won't fault your EMT instructor, though. Sometimes the public education system doesn't give us much to work with.

For your information, here on this blog, my house on the Internet, I can limit your speech however the hell I want. I can delete your comments, block them, edit them, fold, spindle and mutilate them, because this is MY forum. The only reason I haven't deleted, blocked or edited them is a) courtesy, and b) because it's just too darned fun to make fun of you instead.

This just happens to be mine and that's all I was simply stating..I wasn't putting down anyone so u lighten the fuck up and don't take it personal . Is that punctual enough for you?

Respect is earned. Your EMT patch doesn't buy you jack squat. I know plenty of people with the same patch who aren't fit to work on my worst enemy, much less anyone dear to me. I have a patch just like yours and a wallet full of certification cards, and they don't buy me respect either.

What does earn you respect are the standards by which you conduct yourself in public. Showing your ass on my blog doesn't qualify.

And just so you know who you're chiding on the internet, allow me to introduce myself:

My internet handle is Ambulance Driver, but my real name can be turned up in a 30-second Google search. I use the term "Ambulance Driver" as a satirical poke at the public's misconception of EMS. Sometimes that satire flies over the head of mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging adrenaline junkies like yourself, but hey, since our textbooks are written at the 8-10th grade reading levels, I realize it's inevitable that some people with poor reading comprehension and writing skills make it into our midst.

Mainly the true EMS professionals spot those people pretty quickly, relegate them to tasks that won't get anyone killed, and allow them the polite fiction that they're heroic lifesavers. Sometimes we even let them do chest compressions so they can brag, like you have, that they have "tryed to save a life you knew was already gone."  We might even hand them a Hurst tool, under close supervision of course, so they can say they "used the jaws of life to pri an infant out of a mangled car."

And we politely refrain from pointing out that, most times, an infant can be extricated through a window.

I have been a critical care medic, educator, published author, blogger, podcaster, consultant, conference speaker and EMS advocate for close to twenty years; nearly all of my adult life. I have spoken at EMS conferences around this country to thousands of people, taught thousands more ACLS, PALS, PEPP, PHTLS, AMLS, GEMS, Farmedic or CPR, and taught a few hundred people to be EMT's or paramedics.

I have intubated, decompressed, defibrillated, cardioverted, paced, splinted and administered drugs on more occasions than I can ever hope to remember.

I have probably forgotten more patient presentations than you have seen.

And every single morning, I take a long, leisurely crap. When I flush the toilet, more knowledge, talent, experience and passion for EMS goes into the sewer than you currently possess in your entire body.

Just so you know whose carpet you're shitting on, EMS Worker.

 

 

 

 

The Bystander Paradox

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Why is it that, when you’re desperately searching for the address of the dying man at oh-dark-thirty on a desolate country road in the middle of nowhere, not a single family member can be spared to flag you down…

… yet when you’re approaching the assault scene surrounded by enough lit-up police cars to be visible from outer space, there’s always a fat lady in a muumuu, desperately flagging you down so you can save precious seconds in locating where Sharonda yanked out Shanequia’s weave in a cat fight over the affections of Z-Dawg, the chronically unemployed purveyor of recreational pharmaceuticals?

Thank you, Madam Obvious, we already kinda figured we were in the right place.

EMS Crew Fatigue in New South Wales

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I find it fascinating to chat with EMS colleagues around the globe. It’s an eye-opening experience, seeing how other countries approach the provision of Emergency Medical Services; who does it better, who does it worse, who has practices we’d do well to emulate, who could learn a few lessons from the American model.

One of the neatest things is discovering that, despite the significant differences between systems, patients are the same wherever you go. We’ve all dealt with the same kind of fear and folly, hilarity and heartbreak, exhilaration and exhaustion, whether the call goes down in London or West Bugscuffle, TX.

Indeed, the only difference between EMS war stories around the world is the accent of the storyteller.

From reading blogs like Flobach Republic, and talking with Bryan Bledsoe, who has observed the Australian EMS system on numerous trips there, it is obvious that our colleagues Down Under operate a sophisticated and professional EMS system. Paramedic is one of the most respected professions in Australia, and their professional education and entry requirements are generally higher than our own in the United States – in some cases, significantly so.

That said, it is strangely satisfying (and distressing) to learn that, as good as they are, they still sometimes do stupid shit like work their paramedics into the ground.

I don’t care where you are, what kind of system flaws you have, how many hours the overtaxed ED holds up your crews waiting on an open bed, or how understaffed you are, requiring paramedics to work seven 24 hour shifts in a row is lunacy, and doubly so when your medics are on the roads upwards of 19 hours in 24, as New South Wales paramedics often are.

The only time that sort of thing might be acceptable is when run volume is so low that bedsores for the crew become a real concern, and you have to go start your rig every few days just to make sure it will run if you need it.

Public Service Announcement

9 comments

If you are 25 years old, with no appreciable health history…

… and you’ve been sleeping in an awkward position for several hours…

… and the limb you’ve been sleeping on is numb and tingling when you finally awake…

you are not having a stroke.

You most certainly are an idiot, and quite possibly a candidate for forced sterilization to prevent you from further contaminating the gene pool and raising a passel of mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging, booger-eating cretins that bear a strong familial resemblance to yourself…

… but you are not having a stroke.

Although now I am.

Compare and Contrast

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EMS World Magazine links to a hit piece investigative report from those hacks responsible journalists at ABC11 in Raleigh-Durham, NC, on the number of thugs, wife-beaters, drug-addicts, drunk drivers and other petty criminals working on ambulances in North Carolina.

And what did they find?
 

But an I-Team review of disciplinary records for paramedics and EMTs across North Carolina for the past five years uncovered alleged behavior that may leave some wondering exactly who is in that ambulance coming to help.

We found multiple reports of misconduct in four key categories:

  • Cheating on exams
  • Criminal activity
  • Drug and alcohol problems
  • Misconduct on the job

The list of criminal charges that caused paramedics and EMTs to be stripped of their credentials includes:

  • Felony death by vehicle and driving while impaired
  • Felony indecent liberties with a child
  • Sexual exploitation of a minor
  • Child abuse
  • Felony embezzlement
  • Identity theft and credit card fraud

Clearly, if those paragons of journalistic integrity and investigative diligence at ABC11 are to be believed, North Carolina EMS systems are a hotbed of criminal activity. Buried deep in the article is the real number of disciplinary actions against EMT's in North Carolina: 40 out of 38,000.

That's 40 out of 38,000, over a period of eleven years.

That's 0.1% of North Carolina EMS personnel disciplined over 11 years.

I think it would be instructive if we looked at some other professions in whom we place a great deal of trust, and see what their rate of arrests and convictions are.

Let's have a look, shall we?

In one study of 535 people:

  • 29 were accused of spousal abuse.
  • 7 were arrested for fraud.
  • 19 have been accused of writing bad checks.
  • 17 have bankrupted at least two businesses.
  • 3 have been arrested for assault.
  • 71 have credit reports so bad they can't qualify for a credit card.
  • 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges.
  • 8 have been arrested for shoplifting.
  • 21 are current defendants in lawsuits.
  • In 1998 alone, 84 were stopped for drunk driving, but released after they claimed immunity.

And who was this den of hooligans, thugs and miscreants? The United States Congress, that's who.

I guess Mark Twain was right when he described Congress as the only distinct American criminal class.

Of another group of 606 people, 15, or 2.48%, were arrested or convicted of felonies.

Those 606 people were Michael Bloomberg's group, Mayors Against Illegal Guns. However, since Bloomberg is famous for listing people as members of his group who have explicitly stated that they have never joined and do not support MAIG, those 15 may be members of a significantly smaller pool of people.

Let's compare this wretched hive of scum and villainy group of stalwart defenders against gun violence against their sworn enemies, those evil gun totin' rednecks:

… the Tennessee Department of Safety and Homeland Security has been issuing Handgun Carry Permits since October 1996 (before then, individual county sheriffs handled them), and between then and the end of 2010, they have issued somewhere around 393686 permits (including four years’ worth of county sheriff renewals, and all duplications, free permits (how do you score those?), and new resident permits, but not counting overall renewals, for obvious reasons). In that same time period, only 4248 permits have had to be revoked due to court orders, administrative revocations, and felony convictions. As such, over the course of 14 years and change, the handgun carry permit holders of Tennessee have only had a failure rate of around 1.08%.

On the other hand, if we take the Mayors Against Illegal Guns members’ statistics (15 convictions over 5 years) and extrapolate them over 14 years, we find that they have had a failure rate of around 7% even. Amusingly, this indicates that MAIG members are 6.5 times more likely to break the law than TN HCP holders.

So much for the scourge of gun violence, it's time we put an end to the scourge of activist mayors.

I wonder, if we ran criminal background checks of all credentialed journalists and media personalities in North Carolina since 2001, how many arrests would we find? Perhaps substantially more than 0.1%?

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

 

 

Let’s Take Off And Nuke The Site From Orbit

2 comments

It’s a sad state of affairs when the elderly person with altered mental status is more alert and oriented than all the people that called 911 for her, combined.

And no, Mrs. Granddaughter, I’m not going to take Granny to the hospital against her will, just because you say she ain’t ackin’ right.

Right now, she’s the only one in the whole damned household that is ackin’ right.

A Helpful Hint From Your Uncle Ambulance Driver

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Protip: If you have imbibed a bit too much of the spirits, and you pass out naked in bed, whereupon you suddenly realize you are about to lose control of your bowels and bladder like a veritable Vesuvius of feces…

… then the place to run is the bathroom. The. Bathroom.

Whatever happens, do not – I beg of you, do not – run around your apartment like the flight of the shit bumblebee, and then hasten to the farthest reaches of said apartment, hastily pulling on your clothes while you are still erupting.

If you do, expect that neither will I be sympathetic to your plight, nor the slightest bit inclined to help you clean up.

Then again, perhaps I’m expecting too much of someone who thinks it’s appropriate to call 911 when they have the tequila splatters.

HIPAA Joke of the Day

2 comments

From Matt G.'s comment thread:

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"HIPAA."

"HIPAA who?"

"Sorry, I can't tell you that."

I don't care who ya are, that's funny right there…

 

Dear Malingerer Girl,

8 comments

You are not injured, and no amount of piteous screaming, moaning, sobbing and wild gesticulations you engage in, even delivered at ear-splitting volume, is going to convince anyone.

In fact, the evident ease at which you moved your injured shoulder during your performance, will be thoroughly documented by me in dry, objective clinical prose, in addition to the total absence of any objective signs of injury.

You were struck by a soggy clump of acoustical ceiling tile that fell from perhaps five feet over your head. You are not permanently disabled, nor are you “fidna git paid,” as you so loudly proclaimed to me, the business manager, and everyone else in earshot.

You have, if you’ll forgive the use of complicated medical terminology, a “boo boo.”

Your boo boo, at most, entitles you to an apology from the manager, and a coupon for a free footlong sub of your choice.

If you doubt that, just wait until whatever vulture personal injury attorney you retain reads my medical report.

Love and kisses,
The Paramedic Whose Time You Wasted

A New Disease

5 comments

Fred Sanford Syndrome: clinical disorder characterized by the life-threatening complaints in the absence of any objective clinical findings. Sufferers of Fred Sanford    Syndrome (FSS) usually present with chest pain, often accompanied by a constellation of associated symptoms including respiratory distress, dizziness, anxiety, syncope, flatulence, incontinence, amnesia, seizures, speaking in tongues, headaches, blurred vision, loss of vision, aphasia, dysphasia, paranoia, combativeness, belligerence, and catatonia.

FSS is thought to be triggered by emotional distress, often resulting from verbal conflict with family members. The hallmark signs of FSS are dying declarations, although these dying declarations are easily distinguished from from the far more ominous "profound sense of impending doom" often reported by acute coronary syndrome sufferers, primarily by the volume and frequency of the declarations, and the presence of a receptive audience.

FSS is exclusively found in males, although many healthcare care providers note its similarities to Scarlett O'Hara Syndrome (SOS) found in females, and postulate that it may indeed be the same disease.

Given the frequency at which I see this disorder, I think it's time we added it to the ICD-10.

Or, given the total lack of objective clinical findings, perhaps the DSM V.

 

Dear LERN, You Suck

24 comments

For the first 16 years of my career, Louisiana didn't have a comprehensive trauma system.

I sure miss those days.

Up until a couple of years ago, we labored under a fragmented and inefficient system of competing hospitals offering varying levels of care. There were only two Level I Trauma Centers, situated in Shreveport and New Orleans – opposite corners of the state. For several years after Hurricane Katrina, we were down to only one, and LSU Interim Hospital in New Orleans is only beginning to approach the capabilities of Charity Hospital, pre-Katrina. Here in southwest Louisiana, we're three hours away from either of them.

The state level bureaucrats recognized the need for a comprehensive trauma system, and for years we labored to make it happen. We held countless meetings and trauma town halls around the state, and tried to get all the various stakeholders on board for creating such a system. For a brief time, I was one of those bureaucrats who had to help organize and attend those interminable meetings and town halls, and those are wasted months of my life I will never get back.

But finally, all that work came to fruition, and they had the necessary buy-in from all the various stakeholders to create a comprehensive, streamlined and organized statewide trauma system, to be phased in over all the Department of Health and Hospitals regions over several years.

Thus was born LERN, the Louisiana Emergency Response Network, which is far from comprehensive, anything but streamlined, and hopelessly disorganized. It does, however, lend itself to a catchy acronym that rolls easily off the tongue, even though "Colossal Goatfuck And Waste of Time For Paramedics Too Busy Treating Patients To Answer Pointless Questionnaires Over The Phone" may be more accurate.

LERN was sold to the rural and community hospitals as one-stop shopping for their trauma transfers. No more calling every tertiary care center or regional hospital in the state to find one to accept transfer of your critical trauma patient. LERN would be a single point of access; simply call them, and they'd direct you to the nearest facility with the proper capabilities. Acceptance was pretty much automatic, all you had to do was call the ambulance to make the actual transport. I know, I was present at the orientation LERN made at PGHNSTRACH before it was implemented in our region.

It hasn't turned out that way. Those smaller hospitals still have to call multiple hospitals to get acceptance of their trauma transfers, and they often know better which hospitals to call than the LERN Call Center. Only now, they have the added layer of bureaucracy and aggravation of calling LERN first.

For the bigger hospitals, LERN was supposed to be an easier way of handling diversions than calling multiple EMS agencies. If your CT scanner was down, or if you didn't have ortho coverage for the weekend, simply call LERN, and they'd make sure the ambulances took those patients somewhere else.

Yet, I am frequently directed by LERN to certain Emergency Departments because they have the physician specialty coverage my patient needs, only upon arrival to be greeted by an exasperated triage nurse, complaining, "Why does LERN keep sending y'all here? We've told them five times today we don't have neurosurgery coverage!"

Oh, but it's the interface with EMS providers where they sink to new lows in suckitude. Allow me to demonstrate for you the typical EMS call to LERN:

The scene: An ambulance sits parked on the side of the Interstate, surrounded by fire trucks and rescue vehicles, state troopers, a dozen or so personal vehicles from the volunteer fire department, and a couple of miles of stalled traffic. The medics are working feverishly to assess and package a victim who has been ejected from a rollover MVC. As far as they can tell, he has no major orthopedic or thoracic trauma, but judging from his combativeness and the injuries to his face, he's got the potential for a serious head injury. Amidst all of this, the lead medic stops what he is doing, digs his phone out of his pocket, and dials a number.

[phone rings for roughly 90 seconds]

LERN: "Hallo, thank you please for calling LERN. My name Peggy, and how for I may help you today?"

Ambulance Driver: "Hi, this is AD with Borg Cube 547 on Interstate 10 in rural Podunk Parish. I've got a male patient, mid-thirties, with entry criteria of rollover MVC with head trauma. Need a hospital with neurosurgery, please."

LERN: "I am happy to help you, Sir. Your name, please?"

AD: "Ambulance Driver. A-M-B-U-L-A-"

LERN: "And what did you say your unit number was again?"

AD: "Borg Cube 547."

LERN: "And what ambulance did you say you were with?"

AD [losing patience]: "The Borg. B-O-R-G. You know, the remorseless collective that assimilated all the smaller ambulance services in this area almost 10 years ago? You know, THE ONLY FRIGGIN' AMBULANCE SERVICE IN YOUR REGION?"

LERN: "And your patient''s entry criteria is… [sounds of typing] … head trauma, you said? So you need neurosurgery."

AD [resisting the urge to reply, "No, I need a podiatrist to care for my head injury patient."]: Um, yeah. Neurosurgery. Good call. Thanks ever so much."

LERN: "And what did you say your patient's name was?"

AD: "Um, how is that relevant?"

LERN: "It's fine, we don't need a name. A date of birth will do."

AD [sighing and realizing the futility of arguing, does a hurried wallet biopsy]: "Doe, John. DOB 4-1-75."

LERN: "Okay, and what are your patient's vital signs?"

AD: "Don't have any, as of yet. We've been too busy getting him assessed and packaged. Plus, he's combative. You know, like from a head injury?"

LERN: "Well, could you get some vital signs?"

AD: "Okay, blood pressure of 80+ systolic, heart rate rapid and thready, respirations about 24."

LERN: "Oh, so his BP is only 80 systolic? You need the closest facility, then, if he's that hypotensive."

AD: "No, I said his blood pressure is at least 80 systolic because he has radial pulses. I have no idea what it really is, as of yet, because the patient is combative – from a head injury – and I'm too busy talking to you on the phone to continue assessing my patient."

LERN: " … "

AD (sighing and pulling the numbers out of his ass): "Okay, we've got vital signs for you. BP 94/60, HR 128, RR 24. Now can you tell us which hospital has neurosurgery coverage?"

LERN: "I can certainly do that for you, Sir, if you'll stand by while I get this information entered into the computer…"

[sounds of typing, then interminable silence]

AD: " … "

LERN: "I'm sorry, Sir, I didn't hear what you said."

AD: "Oh, nothing. I was just telling the first responders to start bagging, and my partner to get out my airway kit. You were going to tell me which hospital has neurosurgery coverage?"

LERN: "Oh, right. Well, there seems to be a problem with that."

AD (banging my head against the side of the rig): "What problem?"

LERN: "Yeah, your patient is an Aries. The only neurosurgeon in your area is Dr. Givney, and he's a Virgo."

AD: "Ummm.. and?"

LERN: "Those are fundamentally incompatible signs. It wouldn't work. But Dr. Harris is only 40 miles further away, and he's a Leo. They'd be a much better match."

AD: " … "

LERN: "I'm sorry, Sir, what was that you said?"

AD: "Nothing, just telling my partner to start compressions while I slit my wrists. Incidentally, we have an updated set of vital signs for you."

LERN: "Excellent, Sir! What are they?"

AD: "Zero, zero, and zero."

LERN (obliviously): "Very well, Sir. Would you like me to connect you to Second Rate Trauma Center, where Dr. Harris is the neurosurgeon on call?"

AD: "I think we'll just take our chances with Dr. Givney, if you don't mind. Provided, of course, you tell me at which hospital Dr. Givney can be found."

LERN (dubiously): "Well, that would be St. Mary Mother of Mercy Memorial Medical Center, but I don't think that's – "

AD: "The patient isn't capable of interacting with the surgeon, LERN, and I doubt the doc will pay any attention to his birthdate until much later. We'll risk it."

LERN (sighing in resignation): "Very well, Sir. Would you like me to connect you to St Mary's, then?"

AD: "Not necessary, LERN. Just notify them we have a 5 minute ETA."

LERN: "And your patient's condition?"

AD: "Decomposing."

LERN: " … "

AD: "Thanks ever so much for your assistance, LERN. What would we do without you?"

That's pretty much how every call to LERN in Region Five goes. Yeah, I'll cop to a little hyperbole in the description, because Dr. Harris is actually a Taurus, and he's only 30 miles further away. But otherwise, it's a wash.

The point is, when you pick up the phone to call the resource that is supposed to streamline the process of choosing an appropriate destination for your critical trauma patient, what you get instead is two minutes of pointless question and answer, and no real help. And all of this, mind you, is done before you start transport, while the Monday Morning Quarterbacks back at headquarters still have the clock ticking on your scene times.

So LERN, take note: It would greatly improve your system if you only asked for three pieces of information when you pick up the phone: location, entry criteria, needed resources at receiving hospital. Then, we could answer the rest of your dubiously relevant questionnaire without interrupting patient care or delaying transport. Have your call takers STFU with the questions unless they have aleady spit out the name of an appropriate receiving hospital.

Otherwise, I'll be forced to handle every LERN notification the same way I did last time, when I took the phone from my partner after you'd been giving her the runaround for two minutes:

"Hello, LERN? I can either fill in the blanks on your questionnaire and transport a dead patient, or you can tell me who has neuro surgery, and I can bring them a live one. Your call, LERN."

Turns out, that works.

Just So We’re Clear On The Concept…

52 comments

… nitroglycerin isn't for chest pain. Nitroglycerin is for vasodilation.

It just so happens that coronary artery vasodilation often happens to relieve chest pain in patients with stable angina. In the genuine acute coronary syndromes, not so much.

In his JEMS article on the subject, Chris Kaiser questions the "3 nitro rule" common in many EMS protocols.

I have to agree with Kaiser, and it's just this sort of unmitigated horse shit that gives me the pink leg* whenever I read it. "Administer 3 nitroglycerin and contact medical control" is one of the sillier rules that persist in modern EMS protocols, implemented by those absentee medical directors Rogue Medic likes to rail about so much. Folks, the 3 nitro rule doesn't apply to us.

It has never applied to us.

Three nitros was simply the trigger for the patient to call 911. It was something the cardiologists told their patients: "Here, put one of these little white pills under your tongue when your chest hurts. Take one every five minutes, and if you take three of them and your chest is still hurting, call 911."

That's all it was – a threshold for summoning the medical professionals to render further care. Yet in many EMS systems, it's also the set of protocol handcuffs that force those same medical professionals to limit their treatment to no more than what the patient can do himself.

The only legitimate endpoints for nitroglycerin administration are relief of symptoms, and hypotension.

And heck, even that's a matter of some debate. Some sources consider a BP of 100 systolic to be the endpoint, while others say it's 90 systolic. For my purposes, I'm not real concerned with a BP hovering between 90 and 100 systolic, unless they start out that way.

The folks that screech about an EMT-B assisting a patient with their prescribed nitroglycerin love to use the Right Ventricular Infarction Bogeyman to support their argument that no one but a paramedic with a 12 lead EKG machine should be fooling around with nitroglycerin, despite the fact that many of those same medics don't even bother to do the right-sided chest leads to diagnose that right ventricular infarction.

They also ignore the fact that an RVI patient who is preload dependent, usually looks that way. They have, like, clinical signs and stuff like orthostatic syncope or dizziness, Kussmaul's Sign, or the really big clue: they're borderline hypotensive to begin with. You're not gonna run into many of them that have a BP of 150/90 and then go into the toilet with one dose of nitro. More likely, they're gonna be hovering in the "Hmmm, I wonder if I oughta be giving nitro with a BP in that range," territory. If your paramedic spider sense is tingling that way, it doesn't necessarily mean don't give the nitro; it just means you should have a means of dealing with potential hypotension before it occurs. Get your line first.

For the most part, the problem with nitroglycerin isn't that we're giving too much of it, it's that we're not giving enough. Rather than futz around with Lasix on our acute pulmonary edema patients, filling their bladder when we ought to be emptying their lungs (because contrary to popular belief, most of these patients are not volume overloaded), we ought to be fogging the nitro to them like there's no tomorrow.

To hell with the 3 nitro rule, let's figure out a way to give nitro via in-line nebulizer attached to our CPAP masks.

And just in case I didn't make my point earlier, I'll repeat it: Nitro isn't for pain relief, it's for vasodilation.

If it relieves their pain, fine, there's no need for narcotics. But if it doesn't relieve their pain, you ought to be dispensing the opiate candy toute suite, with a goal of zero pain, while still maintaining an adequate respiratory rate and blood pressure. Less pain equals less catecholamines equals less myocardial workload equals smaller infarct size equals better outcomes.

But still keep giving the nitro anyway, because like I said before, nitro isn't for pain relief.

Nitro is for vasodilation.

* Pink leg is when the red ass has gotten so extensive that it has spread into the surrounding tissues.

Just a Little Note For The Rookies

16 comments

My buddy Jeff Brosius once gave what may be the shortest Trauma Activation ever: "One street pizza with pulses. Five minutes. Be ready."

While at first glance that seems flippant, while the medic is busier than a one-armed wallpaper hanger trying to keep the patient alive, those nine words do everything a pre-arrival notification is supposed to do: the ED knows they're getting a critical vehicle vs. pedestrian MVC with multi-systems trauma, and they have five minutes to gather the trauma team.

It may not win you style points (although I thought it was rather Hemingway-esque), and may indeed get you whacked on the peepee by the Monday morning quarterbacks who review such things,but it accomplished the medic's goal: to make sure adequate resources were on hand to assure continuity of care.

There's a difference between a pre-arrival notification and a handoff report, kiddies. If what you tell the nurses and doctors over your cot as you transfer patient care is not substantially more thorough than the phone or radio notification you delivered prior to arrival, you're doing one or both of them wrong.

One of the most common mistakes I see rookies make in the back of the rig (You know I'm keeping tabs on you in the rear-view mirror, right?), is that they a) have poor time management skills, and b) little situational awareness outside that patient module, and c) no sense of priorities.

It takes a while to develop the situational awareness that tells you that last bump you went over is the railroad tracks five minutes from the ED and that it's time to call report, all while you're busy doing other things. That will come with practice.

So will the time management, but the first step in doing that is learning to multi-task. You can start an IV and talk on the phone at the same time. I know, I've done it a million times.

And if I open the rear doors of the rig and you're not getting ready to unload, or you're on the phone with the ED as we sit in the ambulance bay, yet the demographic section on your run ticket is completely filled out, right down to the insurance blocks you got from the patient's wallet biopsy…

… you need to pull your head out of your ass, and remember that patient care comes first.

And that pre-arrival notification is part of your patient care.

Your pre-arrival notification needs to be concise, relevant, and most of all, timely. The ED doesn't need to know the patient's complete medical history, medication list, allergies, Zodiac sign and favorite color before you arrive at the hospital. They need no more information than what resources they'll need to continue patient care, with enough forewarning to have the time to marshall those resources. If the person on the other end of the line demands more information than that, they don't get the concept either.

Your handoff report is supposed to fill in the blanks of your pre-arrival notification. Or, phrased another way, the pre-arrival notification is a skeleton report, and you flesh it out at bedside.

Being overly detailed on your pre-arrival notification doesn't earn you any points with the ED staff; it just makes you look like you have no sense of priorities. While you're rambling on aimlessly with extraneous information, the nurse or doctor on the other end is rolling his eyes and making "let's get on with it" gestures, and God forbid you end that with asking for medical control orders, because 99% of the time they'll be denied, or so conservative as to have no clinical effect.

After all, if you can't distill what's relevant from what isn't, and paint an accurate patient picture with a clear treatment plan in relatively few words, why should they trust you with medications and invasive procedures?

Just remember that the best pre-arrival notification you can deliver is rendered absolutely useless if you end it with the phrase, "… and we're at your door." Better that you called them five minutes earlier, and given them a simple heads-up.

So keep your eyes open, be aware of how far out you are, and call the friggin' hospital in a timely fashion. Yes, I know the pre-arrival notification is purely a courtesy, but your partner can't very well defend your back for missing it now and then if you're not, well… courteous the rest of the time.

 

But, But… It’s For Your Own Good!

27 comments

Nicotine tests could cost Volusia County medics their jobs.

Volusia County is taking over ambulance services and the anti-smoking policy of county employees could cost some ambulance crew members and paramedics their jobs.

Ambulance employees are currently allowed to smoke if they were hired before the anti-smoking policy took effect earlier this year, but now that those employees will become county workers, all of them will have to pass nicotine tests to keep their jobs.

Volusia County's administration said the policy is a health issue and they do not want taxpayers to pay for expensive health care costs of county employees who smoke. County officials said they also believe they are not invading anyone's privacy.

"When you work for a public agency there really is no such thing as invasion of privacy. They work for the public you know and that's part of the price," Dave Byron of Volusia County said.

(bold emphasis mine)

"Just dial up the heat under the kettle boys, looks like these frogs still think it's a hot tub!"

Ah, the petty tyrannies of local governments and the creep of incrementalism. I think what's good for the goose is good for the gander. Statistically, you're much more likely to contract HIV if you have unprotected anal sex with gay Haitian IV heroin abusers. So why don't we require ol' Dave Byron to submit to HIV and STD testing, monthly drug testing, and tap his phones to see if knows any gays or Haitians? After all, he's a public servant, too. Why should he have any expectation of privacy?

I could say a lot of things here, but someone else said it best:

Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.  ~ C.S. Lewis

How about something more sensible and less Big Brotherish, like requiring their employees who smoke to contribute a higher percentage to their health insurance premiums?

Naaaaah, that'd never work!

 


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