EMS System Abuse

Dispatch Drone: "Head quarters to Borg Cube 69." Ambulance Driver: "Go for 69." DD: "69, we need you to respond to Fydallo Ho Expressway eastbound near the Chili's, red Chevy Silverado pickup pulled over in the emergency lane with his hazard lights on. 38-year-old male with a spider bite." [sounds of AD banging his head against the dash] AD: "Aaahhh, ...

The longer and more convoluted the patient history leading up to the traumatic event, the more trivial the injury, and the shorter the patient's ED stay will be. Example: If your patient has been stabbed, and when asked, "So dude, show me where you're hurt," replies with a windy narrative that begins five years ago about his ex-girlfriend's cousin Mookie ...

Of course, The Borg frowns on us referring to such people as "frequent fliers." Rather, they're "valued repeat customers," which everyone knows are the foundation to a successful business.