What Is This “Need” You Speak Of?

At the Nebraska EMS Association spring conference this weekend, while chatting with a few new friends over beers, one medic lamented that his spouse had imposed a “buy one, sell one” restriction for new guns in their household. If he bought a new gun, first he had to sell one of his safe queens that he never shot.

Said spouse rolled her eyes good-naturedly and said, “Well, he has way more guns than he needs. Half of them he never shoots anyway!”

Silly spouse. What that have to do with the price of .22LR in Cabela’s?

First of all, I reject in principle the right of anyone who does not share my bed and bank account to tell me that I do not “need” a lawful product purchased with my own money.

Second, “need” is based upon the faulty premise that one can actually have “enough” guns, when math clearly says otherwise:

“If we let X equal the number of guns one owns and Y equal the ideal number of guns, then for any given value of X, Y shall always equal (X+1).”

I call this AD’s Theorem of Justification, commonly known to you non-mathematical types as, “Honey, but I really do need this one!”

I expect to be hearing from the Nobel Prize people shortly.