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Lines In The Sand

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Every relationship has ground rules, and everyone who has been in a relationship for an appreciable length of time knows what they are.

So when you’re arguing, you know that there are certain buttons you just don’t push, certain subjects that you just don’t broach.

You Just Don’t Go There.

And when you cross those boundaries, you know there will be consequences, ranging from getting the cold shoulder for the next few days, to unwilling celibacy for the foreseeable future, to having her/him toss you out on your ass.

And when your argument spills over into physical violence, expect that one or both of you will go to jail when the cops get involved.

Likewise, there are some things you Just Don’t Get To Say.

If your spouse/lover/life partner/ babydaddy chose to get the police involved, or if a third party overheard your argument and called 911…

… well, suffice it to say we don’t grant Mulligans. You don’t get to take it back.

And chief among those things You Just Don’t Get To Say in an argument is, “I’m just going to kill myself.”

Almost as bad, but without the implied threat, is, “I wish I was dead.”

Make the threat more specific, like say, threatening a specific way to do harm to yourself, just adds the element of a defined plan to your suicide threat, and makes it all the more credible.

Say those things, and I can guarantee you one outcome: You. Will. Go. To. The. Hospital.

Your only choices are whether you go restrained or unrestrained. You don’t get to say no any more.

And yes, I am perfectly willing to believe that you said it in the heat of anger and didn’t really mean it.

I also believe that someone who seriously intends to kill him/herself would be willing to tell any lie necessary to get the cops and paramedics to leave so they can get on with mixing their hemlock smoothie.

You don’t get to be that person.

And no, I don’t really give a rat’s ass if you get a mental health record or if you have class/work/social engagements in the morning that you just can’t miss.

Neither am I going to lose sleep over the fact that a 48-hour stint in the psych ward ruins your chance at that law enforcement career you’ve been so zealously pursuing, or takes you out if the running for Man Of The Year at the local Rotary Club.

Pleading with me for lenience is only going to fall on deaf ears. The only leniency you get is the ability to choose the pleasantness of the ride.

You made the threat. I don’t get to decide whether it is credible, nor do I want that responsibility. Plead your case to the ED doc and the mental health tech if you want. Sometimes, if they believe your story, they’ll cut you loose.

But it’s my job to get you there for that conversation, and get you there I will.

Fighting with me is pointless. I will win that fight, every single time, and all your struggle only guarantees that you will spend the next 48-72 hours walking around in shoes without laces and talking to psychiatrists about things you’d rather not discuss with strangers.

So, consequences.

Don’t like ‘em, then don’t say those things. Don’t cross that line in the sand.

Hugs and Kisses,
Your friendly neighborhood Ambulance Driver

  • Jess

    Good post, especially on the suicide threats. When it comes to such things, there’s nothing to do but call for help. If they’re sufficiently despondent to say such a thing, you never know if they’ll act on their threat and if they do, you’ll have a hard time dealing with the guilt. 

  • http://speakertweaker.blogspot.com/ Speakertweaker

    I swear, reading this reminds me of a conversation my buddy has with his three-year-old, right around the time it gets late enough for the kid to get cranky and, more importantly, whiny.  My buddy tells him every time, “Child, when you get whiny, that’s how I know it’s time for you to go to bed.  If you don’t want to go to bed, don’t get whiny in the first place.  Whining about going to bed is only going to get you there faster.”

    Course, Little Dude is only three…

    tweaker

  • jetfxr69

    Jeez. I started out reading and thinking you’d had a relationship fall apart over one of those lines.

    Then reading comprehension and additional detail/exposition kicked in and I got it.

    Yep, pretty much what Tweaker and Jess said. Saying it only removes the doubts I’m having if the thought has even crossed your mind. The phone is getting dialed and you will NOT be alone while waiting…

  • Old_NFO

    At least you weren’t scraping them off the front of a Semi… BTDT… (her 4th attempt was finally ‘successful’)

  • Sean Murphy

    Sorry AD, I have to dissagree with you here. The person in question is the owner of their own body, life, mind, and spirit. They have every right to desroy things they own. Their life is theirs to do with as they please. That includes ending it. You do not own their life, and have no right to force them to go anywhere, do anything, or receive any treatment that they don’t want.

  • mpatk

    FWIW, I agree that people should have the right to do whatever they want with their life, including end it, as long as it doesn’t affect another person’s freedoms.

    The problem with your approach is that society as a whole, and the governments (federal, state, local) in particular disagree.  And once the magic form is signed (5150 here in California, your numbers may vary), the paramedics DO NOT have a choice in the matter.  Since we’re not permitted to place people on involuntary holds, we can not and should not be allowed to clear people from involuntary holds.

    Personally, I don’t think that EMS should be involved with involuntary psych holds at all, since EMTs and medics aren’t permitted to place people on holds in the first place.  Too many police officers just fill out the hold form and then “turf” the patient to the ambulance to deal with.  Unless there are clear medical issues involved (OD/toxin ingestion, actual hanging/shooting/stabbing), EMS doesn’t need to be involved.

  • BH

     The law says otherwise, sport. 

  • Ambulance_Driver

    That’s a very nice philosophy you’ve got there, Sean, but for the fact that other people are involved.
    Kill yourself if you want to, but it’s not going to be on a day when I’m civilly liable, with my certification and livelihood at risk for allowing you to accomplish your goal.
    So once I’m in the mix, you have lost your right to self-determination until such time as a physician, the courts, or both declare you fit to make your own decisions.
    That’s my position, and the laws are on my side.

    Kelly Grayson

  • Detroit EMT

    Love it. I do probably 5-7 psych transfers a week, so this hits home. Had one last week that tried every excuse in the book. Then he started making threats at me and my partner. I told him straight up, “look man, you said things last night while you were drunk. You can’t take those things back, and if you can’t control your drunk self, that’s a separate issue. Now we are taking you to the behavioral center one way or another. Yeah, you can swing at me, and you MIGHT get me, but then these 5 security guards are going to have their chance at you. Then, while they’re holding you, this cute 90 lb nurse is gonna inject you with what we call STFUSS (shut the f*** up and sit still). Then, we’re gonna tie you into an uncomfortable position and you’re STILL going to the behavioral center”.

    He sat there on the cot nice and quiet the whole 30 minute ride.

  • Shafers38

    Well put, A.D.!

  • Nick42

     So what’s the legal standard for someone reporting a suicide threat that’s believable enough to act on?

    If an intimate partner / family member calls 911, when EMT / police respond the reporter is there and the reportee is obviously distraught, that seems pretty cut and dry.

    But what if you respond to anonymous complaint and the supposed suicidal party answers the door in a calm, collected manner?  Or more likely there’s some kind of drama, but they deny any suicidal tendencies or thoughts?

  • Ambulance_Driver

    There’s gray area and wiggle room, but when the patient herself admits to saying it, or the 911 caller who witnessed the threat is there on scene, I treat it as credible.
    In those instances where anonymous third party callers have reported a suicide threat, usually what we do is go with who we find more believable – a lucid, alert and non-distraught patient, or a shadowy 911 caller who refused to even give a name. In those cases, we’re more likely to take the patient’s word.
    We’ve also reviewed 911 tapes when the caller wasn’t on the scene, called the 911 caller back, and had them reiterate what they saw/heard specifically.
    Kelly Grayson

  • mpatk

    So can you place the person on a hold? Or do you need law enforcement to make the actual official decision?

  • Ambulance_Driver

    We don’t place them on the hold. Actually, law enforcement really doesn’t either, but they invariably support our position on the issue.
    In Louisiana, the parish coroner (an elected official, and not necessarily a physician) grants broad authority to law enforcement and EMS personnel to transport patients to the ED for a psych evaluation.
    It’s called a CEC, or coroner’s emergency certification. They can be issued directly in cases where there is no acute event or immediate threat to the patient or others, or we can act on his behalf if there is credible evidence, by word or deed, of an immediate threat.

  • http://mymountaintopblog.com/ Blog

    My favorite is suicide by Internet….saying good bye to 400 Facebook friends….then sending out a broadcast text message to another 100 people….then telling the army of EMS, police, and fire that show up that they were ‘just upset at the time and didn’t really mean it.’

  • Too Old To Work

    Nice sentiment, Sean. Unfortunately there is a lot of legal precedent that puts physicians, nurses, EMS providers and others on the hook if someone says they are going to kill themself, nothing is done, and then the person kills themself.

    You can, and should, go check out Rogue Medic’s position on “patient kidnappint”. It will be instructive because he’s just about 100% wrong on the issue.

    These are never easy calls. Sure, more often than not they are just BS as the result of some lover’s quarrel. The problem is that there is absolutely no way to know when that’s the case and when the person is full of it and when they really, really, mean it.

    The only really reliable indicator is previous suicide attempts. In that case, there is no gray area, but in most of the rest of them, there is.

    In an ideal libertarian world, we’d leave people alone. In that same world, we’d be able to do that without fear of liability. I don’t know about you, but I don’t live in that world, I live in the one where people are eager to sue for any error.

  • Matt

    Yeah, you take  people who are asking for help and subject them to massive abuse and exploitation.  The system claims to want to help, but it’s nothing but a lie, they just want your money and to abuse the hell out of you.  There is no help available and asking for help is probably the most self-destructive thing a person can do.

  • Ambulance_Driver

    You lost me. Want to explain that one?

  • Nick42

    Thanks for the response AD.  As I am security geek / libertarian instead of  legal or medical professional, I tend to look at how these things can be abused.  I guess the involuntary commitment procedure is a lot less likely to result in permanent harm than swatting.

    I do find it interesting that the Corner is responsible for this determination.  Corners seem to have a lot of powers that I wouldn’t expect – In several jurisdicitons they are responsible for arresting the sheriff if need be. 

  • Ambulance_Driver

    Louisiana’s system is kind of jacked up. In most states, coroner is not an elected office, but in Louisiana it is.

    Here, you don’t even have to be a physician to be elected coroner, but if a non-physician runs against a physician, the physician wins by default. In the parish I used to live in, the local florist was our coroner for years, and he was MUCH better than the physician who took his place.

    In the parish I work in now, the director of one of the funeral homes is the parish coroner, and has been for twenty years or more. He does a good enough job that nobody, not even a physician, ever bothers to run against him.

  • apotatofarmer

     I think what the other person was saying is that it makes no sense to take a desperate despondent person and put them into the hands of the incompetent and mentally ill “experts” who are after money, power, and above all else, feeding their ego and pretensions of serving a useful function in society. A suicidal person has a problem, psychiatrists and psychologists ARE a problem.

  • Ambulance_Driver

    I don’t think psychiatrists are a problem, per se, but our revolving door mental health system is.
    Psychiatric care is an essential and legitimate specialty, but sadly, for too many of our mentally ill, what passes for adequate psychiatric care is institutionalization, medication, stabilization, release, and…
    … very little follow up outpatient care.

    Lather, rinse, repeat.

    Complicating matters is that a large portion of our mentally ill have conditions that were caused by, or exacerbated by, substance abuse.
    The problem as I see it isn’t that psychiatrists are too blame, only that a) there are too few if them willing to provide comprehensive psychiatric care to the unstable mentally I’ll, and b) consequently too many of them resort to over medication without any real psychiatric services.
    Kelly Grayson

  • apotatofarmer

     Thanks for the intelligent response.

    As a young man I saw 18+ psychiatrists and psychologists, almost all were incompetent and insane. One was a psychopath, and two were paranoid and delusional (they later got some national press for one of their witchhunts, it turned out the recovered memories of ritual satanic abuse were actually implanted by these two nuts).

    I’d like to think my personal experiences are just anecdotal, a bad run of bad luck, mere exceptions to the rule, but having talked to more than a few patients, and having read more than a few books and theories by many of the movers and shakers of the field, my conclusion is that they are a problem, per se.

    The incompetence of the majority is what seems to concern you, and it is a major problem, but I think an even bigger issue is that so many psychiatrists and psychologists and their leaders are lunatics. YMMV.

  • http://twitter.com/tjic tjic

    This seems like a remarkable – and disgustingly – fascist stance.

    You’re not only willing to stand by while someone is imprisoned based on words that he says, you’re willing to actively restrain a free human being who has given zero evidence of intending to harm another and hand them over to other people who will cage them while they are restrained, observed, and given God knows what drugs against their will…all without a court order, a jury of their peers, or any other sort of warrant.

    …and you don’t try to justify this through argument.  You just assert it as fact “I will be a willing tool of the State and lock you up, because I’m Just Following Orders”.

    I find it hard to understand such a mindset.

  • http://twitter.com/tjic tjic

    > Kill yourself if you want to, but it’s not going to be on a day when I’m civilly liable, with my certification and livelihood at risk for allowing you to accomplish your goal. 

    How does this differ from “OK, Jew, I understand that you want to leave this prison camp, and that would be OK by me, EXCEPT for the fact that I’d get written up and get three demerits if I let you, therefore I won’t let you – your actions have consequences for other people, and you have to realize this!”

    If you’re unwilling to allow other people to be free because it would give you demerits at work, maybe you’re in the wrong line of work.

    > That’s my position, and the laws are on my side.

    Ah.  ”Just following orders”.

  • http://twitter.com/tjic tjic

    > I swear, reading this reminds me of a conversation my buddy has with his three-year-old

    The difference, of course, is that three year olds don’t have a full set of God given rights that are codified in the Bill of Rights – adult human beings do.

    I fully support a father treating a three year old like an infant.

    I do NOT support a State treating an adult like an infant.

  • http://profiles.google.com/yrrosimyarin Yrro Simyarin

    I in no way blame you for enforcing the law as written. It isn’t your duty to throw your career away and the good you do otherwise as a political protest.

    But man, that law is messed up. I think the real takeaway here is “never call 911 if someone you love says they’re going to kill him/herself, because you’re just about destroying their life.” Talk to them, try to get them help, but make damn sure it is all voluntary and not involving the authorities.

  • Plburghardt

     Isn’t holding someone accountable for their words — taking their words seriously — treating them as an adult?

    Another point: we had a suicide by semi on the highway here recently.  The semi driver didn’t have a choice about participating.  What about his freedom?

  • Stevedschultz

    tjic….we ae not free people….we are wards of the state.  An officer of the state can do anything he wants as long as he deems it neccesary to protect the wards of the state.

    Steve

  • http://twitter.com/tmoreau2 ILTim

    Who the fuck are you to decide that a person should be dragged against their will to gitmo/ fluffy bunny land/ wherever you please? That type of personal violence could and should be resisted in every way available and necessary including lethal force. 

  • http://twitter.com/tmoreau2 ILTim

    “I think the real takeaway here is “never call 911″”

    And That’s all, folks.  Nothing more to be said.  I’ve learned this lesson myself, and someday, you’ll all learn it too. 

  • http://twitter.com/tjic tjic

    > You made the threat. I don’t get to decide whether it is credible, nor do I want that responsibility. 

    Unfortunately, part of being an adult is being responsible for your actions.  You DO have the responsibility to decide whether the orders you’re following are moral, legal, and legitimate. You DO have the responsibility of deciding whether you want to be complicit in caging a free adult and handing him over to a mental hospital.

    Being an adult isn’t easy, but saying that “you don’t want the responsibility” while choosing to follow orders is a cop-out.

  • http://twitter.com/tjic tjic

    > tjic….we ae not free people….we are wards of the state.  

    In practice, true. 

    I’m trying to argue with one agent of the State that he should not be so blithe about oppressing people.

    I assume that Ambulance Driver has free will, may be a good person, may care about liberty, and may be persuaded to not be a tool of the government.

  • http://twitter.com/tjic tjic

    > paramedics DO NOT have a choice in the matter.  

    Sure they do.

    We all have free will.

    No one is forcing you to put a Jew on a train, or a free person in a psychiatric hospital.

    If you do it, be a man about it and admit that you CHOSE to do it and that your paycheck is more important to you than someone else’s freedom.

  • http://twitter.com/tmoreau2 ILTim

     Just one more way that we COMPLETELY forfeit all freedom instantaneously, without warning, consent, or knowledge.  How many people, knowing that they become your property subject to decisions based on your professional certifications, would EVER pick up that phone and call?  How many people are desperate to put that genie back in the bottle after learning this horrendous truth? 

    NEVER call for help.  NEVER.  Read this post and understand, you are forfeiting your free will the moment you call. 

  • Dave

     Unfortunately, the law disagrees with you.  The state is the owner of your body, life, mind, and spirit(or so the state says).  The state reserves to itself the right to destroy those things.  In other words, you’re morally right and legally wrong.

  • Dave

     Not when it boils down to “You said something naughty, now go to time out”…

  • http://www.twowheeledmadwoman.blogspot.in/ Roberta X

     Killing yourself: a legitimate exercise of the right of self-ownership.

    Threatening to kill yourself: Extortion.  It is exactly the same as threatening to kill a hostage.

         The threatener is initiating force-by-proxy on those with whom he shares his threats.

         Dammit, this isn’t rocket science.

  • Ambulance_Driver

    Bravo.

    You distilled the whole issue into two simple sentences.

  • Ambulance_Driver

    If the call involves threatening to kill yourself, yes you are forfeiting your free will for the next 48-72 hours, but don’t make me the bad guy here.
    If you want to kill yourself, I have no intention of interfering with your right to self-determination… unless it involves putting me at risk.
    Do it, don’t just talk about it, and don’t get me involved.

    Kelly Grayson

  • http://speakertweaker.blogspot.com/ Speakertweaker

     Just for clarification, I’d like to emphasize the my last sentence:

    “Course, Little Dude is only three…”

    The implication being that treating a three-year-old like a three-year old is normal.  An adult deserves a bit more consideration.

    tweaker

  • borepatch

     I’m pretty comfortable with this for minors.  Adults have better impulse control, and so it seems a lot less risky to let a Drama Llama say what they want.

  • Pingback: In Which a Bunch of Libertarian Types Go Full Wookie… | A Day In The Life Of An Ambulance Driver

  • Kristopher

     It ain’t the government that would sue him for failing to intervene.

    The suicide’s relatives will sue him in poverty.

    Deal with this first, before you expect others to uphold an idiot’s right to idiocy. Said idiot could have just bought an N2 tank and plastic bag and played spaceman spiff in the bathroom.

    He decided to attention whore and put EMS on the lawsuit hotseat.

    That little attention whore can screw himself. If he wants to own his body, then he should own it, and not expect EMS persons to put themselves at any liability risks while he ends it.

  • BH

     Don’t like the law, change the law- unless you’re just a tough talker, of which we see many.  Advocating lethal force against those bound by said law is irresponsible, stupid, and trollish. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000783801772 S Andrew Nicol

     Yup, if you’re gonna do it, then do it… quietly and alone.

  • http://twitter.com/tjic tjic

    > Threatening to kill yourself: Extortion.  It is exactly the same as threatening to kill a hostage.

    I find the logic whereby one has the right to do a thing, but one does not have the right to mention out loud the plan to do a thing confusing.

     

  • http://twitter.com/tjic tjic

    > I in no way blame you for enforcing the law as written. It isn’t your duty 

    You’ve got a very small and legalistic understanding of duty.

  • Ambulance_Driver

    And you’ve got a very broad and distorted view of fascism.

  • http://www.twowheeledmadwoman.blogspot.in/ Roberta X

     No, no — “Do not have the right to mention your suicidal intent out loud to EMTs/Cops/Firefighters/concerned clueless and expect them to reply, ‘Well, okay then, can I loan you a can of gas and a Zippo? Hypo of air?  Sidearm?’”

         Genuine suicides go and do it; or go and don’t do it, all by themselves.  They don’t send out a press release unless they’re Buddhist monks protesting the War.  (Please note, in that case there was both a desire to compel an action AND follow-through).

         This could be an elephant you’ve never seen first-hand.  I hope you never do, damn thing is ugly.  And depressing.


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