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A Bleg For the Louisiana EMT’s

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Years back, 1998 or 1999, the Louisiana Bureau of EMS held a Womanless Beauty Pageant in Baton Rouge to raise money for charity.

I participated in that pageant, playing a character named Marilyn Funroe.

Thankfully, sadly, any pictures I or the ex wife had of that event seem to be forever lost, and I have a promise to fulfill by posting one of those pics on my blog for a month.

If anyone who reads this blog attended that event and have pictures, or know anyone that did, please drop me an email, so that all my readers may enjoy my humiliation.

 

I Know It Was Always A Niche Chambering…

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… but the 16 gauge has always appealed to me, particularly in a double gun. 12 gauges often seem too bulky, and the 20 gauge often seems light and whippy, but the 16 is just about right.

And yes, I know the 3″ magnum 20 gauge bests it in every way, but I can’t help thinking that if some enterprising gun maker came out with a nice 3″ magnum 16 gauge, my favorite gauge might make a renaissance.

Who among you would buy, say, a Ruger Red Label or Browning Citori, or perhaps a sweet Benelli auto, in 3″ magnum 16 gauge? I know I would.

Discuss amongst yourselves…

Happy Birthday, KatyBeth!

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Nine years ago on this day, on a night filled with fear and uncertainty, God saw fit to bless me with a perfectly imperfect little girl who would show me what not what kind of father I was, but what father I could be.

I am forever grateful.

For You Folks At The Texas EMS Conference…

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… we'll be having a Confessions of an EMS Newbie meetup at Bull McCabe's Irish Pub at 7:00 pm.

All the cool kids will be there, make sure you are too!

Tab Clearing

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Taking care of some KTKC housekeeping today, which includes mailing out books to those who donated $40 or more in the closing days of the fundraising campaign. Thus far, I have addresses for all but these donors:

  • Caitlin Monterey
  • Peter Reczek
  • Sarah Robertson
  • Heath Baus
  • "I'm Harper" 

I'm guessing Harper used his/her Internet handle when donating. If you guys will get me your addresses, you have signed books waiting to be mailed.

I just checked the LiveStrong totals, and several hundred more bucks have come in, mainly on behalf of Caleb Giddings, with a few bucks more for Jay G. and myself. That raises the KTKC total to well over $11,000.

Not bad for a bunch of EMS and gun bloggers in only 30 days, eh?

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I'm looking for half a dozen EMS bloggers with a talent for writing satire – I mean strong, biting, make-em-write-an-angry-letter-to-the-editor-before-they-realize-they've-been-had, Onion-style satire. It won't pay much, but it could get you published to a wide audience a couple times a year, and it oughta be fun. Hit me up if you're interested.

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Thursday I leave for Deepinahearta, TX for Epic Hog Hunt II, along with TOTWTYTR, Old NFO and a couple other blog buddies. Afterwards, we're heading on to the Texas EMS Conference, where I'll be giving several talks. If you're attending, look me up!

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Making my 2012 speaking schedule, and it looks like my engagements thus far are Milwaukee, Hartford, Baltimore, New Orleans (twice), Austin, and hopefully Myrtle Beach, SC; Pipestem, WV; Virginia Beach, VA and another in Connecticut. Lock up yer wimmen and chirren, folks, Ambulance Driver is coming to a town near you!

(And if I'm not, send me the link to your state's EMS conference Call for Presentations. Have laser pointer and laptop, will travel.)

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I'm about to start a new series here on the blog called "Lies We Tell Ourselves, and The Lying Liars Who Tell Them." Prepare to have your assumptions challenged, and for some of you, your poor widdle feewings hurt. I find it difficult to find the motivation to write much these days, but vitriol might be an untapped source of inspiration.

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Speaking of inspiration, I think I'm going to pen a few gun/shooting/hunting posts, and set my hand to writing a few submissions for some of the gun rags out there. From some of the pieces I've read, you'd wonder if the writers actually fired the weapons before they penned their thinly veiled PR shill unbiased review. If nothing else, I think it'd be nice if gun writers used "acceptable combat accuracy" a lot less, and "wretched, pulsating ball of suck and fail" a lot more.

For You EMS Types…

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IV Access: There’s An App For That!

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I first used a vein light close to 16 years ago. The hospital where I met The Ex had one, and a very handy device it was for finding veins deep below the skin's surface. I'm not sure if the current Veinlite folks are the same company, but I've used transillumination of the skin to find veins for years, and it works.

The technology has come a long way from that first primitive vein finder I used all those years ago, and the price has come way down. I keep telling myself I'm going to buy one, or perhaps wrangle one from the manufacturer in return for a review on my blog, but as often as I've run into them at conferences and trade shows, I get no love from the Veinlite people. They've given free samples to the guy standing next to me, and I've had several friends win them as door prizes, but thus my inner cheapskate has been denied its lust for a free sample.

However, the other day I swallowed the iKoolaid and upgraded from my pair of tin cans and string to an iPhone 4. I'm digging all the apps, and I've downloaded the usual EMS pocket guides and medical references, a couple of ballistics calculators and assorted other gee gaws.

But it was the flashlight app that struck me as particularly useful. Not only does it make carrying a penlight unnecessary (my tactical light is not something you'd want to shine directly in someone's eyes unless you're intent on doing them harm), but when held against the skin in a fairly dark room, it makes a dandy vein light. I just dim the module lights in the back of the rig, hold the phone against the skin, and the veins show up like a little blue roadmap.

Give it a try yourselves, and see how it works.

For You EMS Newbies…

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… Episode 68 is up on Confessions of an EMS Newbie.

Ron and I talk about nephrology, geriatrics, wrongful resuscitations and how a combat medic's training and skill set compare to those of a civilian EMT.

It's Confessions of an EMS Newbie. Where every other EMS podcast are 68 Whiskeys, we're 18 Deltas, baby.

Bwahahahaha!

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Sent to me by a reader, an EMS dispatcher from New Jersey:

For You EMS Newbies…

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… Episode 67 is up on Confessions of an EMS Newbie.

Give it a listen, and you can hear what a paramedic sounds like when he's trying to pass a kidney stone.

Just So We’re Clear On The Concept…

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… nitroglycerin isn't for chest pain. Nitroglycerin is for vasodilation.

It just so happens that coronary artery vasodilation often happens to relieve chest pain in patients with stable angina. In the genuine acute coronary syndromes, not so much.

In his JEMS article on the subject, Chris Kaiser questions the "3 nitro rule" common in many EMS protocols.

I have to agree with Kaiser, and it's just this sort of unmitigated horse shit that gives me the pink leg* whenever I read it. "Administer 3 nitroglycerin and contact medical control" is one of the sillier rules that persist in modern EMS protocols, implemented by those absentee medical directors Rogue Medic likes to rail about so much. Folks, the 3 nitro rule doesn't apply to us.

It has never applied to us.

Three nitros was simply the trigger for the patient to call 911. It was something the cardiologists told their patients: "Here, put one of these little white pills under your tongue when your chest hurts. Take one every five minutes, and if you take three of them and your chest is still hurting, call 911."

That's all it was – a threshold for summoning the medical professionals to render further care. Yet in many EMS systems, it's also the set of protocol handcuffs that force those same medical professionals to limit their treatment to no more than what the patient can do himself.

The only legitimate endpoints for nitroglycerin administration are relief of symptoms, and hypotension.

And heck, even that's a matter of some debate. Some sources consider a BP of 100 systolic to be the endpoint, while others say it's 90 systolic. For my purposes, I'm not real concerned with a BP hovering between 90 and 100 systolic, unless they start out that way.

The folks that screech about an EMT-B assisting a patient with their prescribed nitroglycerin love to use the Right Ventricular Infarction Bogeyman to support their argument that no one but a paramedic with a 12 lead EKG machine should be fooling around with nitroglycerin, despite the fact that many of those same medics don't even bother to do the right-sided chest leads to diagnose that right ventricular infarction.

They also ignore the fact that an RVI patient who is preload dependent, usually looks that way. They have, like, clinical signs and stuff like orthostatic syncope or dizziness, Kussmaul's Sign, or the really big clue: they're borderline hypotensive to begin with. You're not gonna run into many of them that have a BP of 150/90 and then go into the toilet with one dose of nitro. More likely, they're gonna be hovering in the "Hmmm, I wonder if I oughta be giving nitro with a BP in that range," territory. If your paramedic spider sense is tingling that way, it doesn't necessarily mean don't give the nitro; it just means you should have a means of dealing with potential hypotension before it occurs. Get your line first.

For the most part, the problem with nitroglycerin isn't that we're giving too much of it, it's that we're not giving enough. Rather than futz around with Lasix on our acute pulmonary edema patients, filling their bladder when we ought to be emptying their lungs (because contrary to popular belief, most of these patients are not volume overloaded), we ought to be fogging the nitro to them like there's no tomorrow.

To hell with the 3 nitro rule, let's figure out a way to give nitro via in-line nebulizer attached to our CPAP masks.

And just in case I didn't make my point earlier, I'll repeat it: Nitro isn't for pain relief, it's for vasodilation.

If it relieves their pain, fine, there's no need for narcotics. But if it doesn't relieve their pain, you ought to be dispensing the opiate candy toute suite, with a goal of zero pain, while still maintaining an adequate respiratory rate and blood pressure. Less pain equals less catecholamines equals less myocardial workload equals smaller infarct size equals better outcomes.

But still keep giving the nitro anyway, because like I said before, nitro isn't for pain relief.

Nitro is for vasodilation.

* Pink leg is when the red ass has gotten so extensive that it has spread into the surrounding tissues.

Fellow Borg Drones, I Feel Your Pain

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In my city, when you're dispatched to the parish juvenile detention center, our GPS mapping software leads you to Chuck E. Cheese*.

True story.

* I'd say "directly to Chuck E. Cheese," but I don't think our route instructions lead you anywhere directly…

True to His Word…

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… Jay G. posts his loser's tee shirt pic on his blog.

Thanks for being a good sport, Jay.

Of course, a deal being a deal, I gotta come up with a pic of me in drag. Problem is, money is so tight right now I can't afford to go out buying women's clothing and makeup.

So, if any of you out there are involved with the LA. Bureau of EMS or LANREMT, and you were present the night of the Womanless Beauty Pageant in Baton Rouge and have pictures, contact me please.

And if you actually have action photos of me giving a lap dance to John Roquemore, even better!

Aw, Damn.

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We've read each other's blogs and chatted online for several years, and the one thing I wanted to do whenever I made it to Ohio was to hoist a few beers with him in person. Now I'll never get that chance.

Rest in peace, William the Coroner.


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