Parish Fair Protips For 40+ Dads

1. Ferris Wheels and kilts are a bad combination, especially for the folks standing directly in front of the Ferris Wheel.
2. Do not get on the Tilt A Whirl with your daughter after eating a corndog and fried shrimp on a stick.
3. Do not get on the Tilt A Whirl while wearing a kilt.
4. In fact, just say no to the damned Tilt A Whirl altogether.

Making puke faces at the ride operator does not inspire mercy in said ride operator. In fact, I think he sped up and gave us extra time, just to see if he could make me spew. The unkindest cut of all for a former roller coaster junkie is being told by your eight-year-old daughter, "I wanna ride it again, Daddy. But if you don't think you can handle it, I'll ride by myself and you can watch me."