Ambulance Driver: "Well man, looks like you're in good hands. Good luck to you, and here's to better luck in choosing female companionship in the future."
Stabbing Victim: "Yeah, like a girlfriend that won't stab me. That's the second one."
AD: "Maybe you ought to have them fill out a questionnaire or something, like 'Do you feel like sharp weapons are an appropriate means of confliction resolution?' or something along those lines."
SV (chuckling): "I don't think that's an option on eHarmony."
AD: "It oughta be, right on up there with 'likes puppies' and 'social drinker' and 'prefers theatre to sporting events.'"