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More War Story Improv

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This week's story:

"So I'm saying to the guy as I'm bandaging his head, 'So I'm guessing you were sitting here with your homies, drinking a wholesome glass of milk and holding your weekly Bible study, when all of a sudden and for no reason, Sumdood just jumped you, right?"

"Or Mookie," my partner chimes in. "It's always Sumdood or Mookie."

"And dude smells like he's been smoking a blunt in a brewery, and he goes, 'Yeah, man, and I ain't even did nuttin'! And I'm sittin' here bleedin' to death, and the cop's up in my grill, questionin' ME, and next thang I know, I'm on the ground with cuffs on! I ain't did nuttin'!'

"And I go, 'Despite our fondest wishes of your early demise, I doubt you're in danger of exsanguination in the immediate future. And the cops don't just Tase and handcuff people for no reason. So do you care to tell us where else you're injured, or why you're wearing fishnet stockings, a leopard print thong and a leather bustier?"

"And dude goes, 'Man, I ain't gonna lie to you. What had happened wuz…'

Take it away, people…

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Posted by on March 31, 2011 • Filed under: War Story Improv
  • http://sixlettervariable.blogspot.com Christopher

    “…I was participatin’ in our annual produck’in of Rocky Horror Pictcha show. Got remedied in prison, man. You know, so I had to wear my ‘nets. So, I was walkin’ round the corner an some se’en foot tall lady in boots, cept she ain’t no lady, star’ed screamin’ all ‘Darnell I told you this my corner!’ Now I ain’t no Darnell, don’t know no Darnell, an I ain’t turnin’ tricks on her corner. Next I know tha he-b*tch kick me in my chest. I got up an ran cuz, ain’t no tellin’ what that se’en foot lady-man gonna do. I tried to holla’ at the law, get me some help, cept they would’n listen. Tazed me. Sprayed me. Beat me. I said it was’n me, they should be lookin’ for the se’en foot lady-man! I wouldn’ lie to ya man.”

  • Anonymous

    Is it bad that I could totally hear that guy’s voice in my head as I read that?

  • http://www.facebook.com/vachel.mcmahan Vachel McMahan

    “…me ‘n mah boo wuz doin’ tha do, an she like it when I dress up fo her in mah stage getup. See, I’s a performer. Mah stage name is Foxy Roxy, when I’s dancin at the Pink Pistol… but anyways, we wuz doin’ tha do, and she say ‘Baby, we outta Mazola!’ …an you know as well as I do it’s hard to drive a dry nail in a knot if ya know what ah’m sayin, so I run down to the co’ner sto’, an who does I see but Jermaine, he mah boy, and mah crew ain’t never seen me at the Pink Pistol, and he sez ‘SHIT, BOYEEEEE! Wait til Deeyon hear about this!’ so I jump his punk ass, and…..

    (This typically continues the entire way to the ER…)

  • mrmacs

    My sistuh was making this stuff for herself, but needed to pin it up on a live person. So, while helpin’ her out, I stepped outside for a break, and whammo, po-po everywhere for no reason.

  • EMSChild

    I was at my girl’s house and she suggested we get a little freaky. So I’m like yeah mama! Next thing I know she’s the pimp and I’m the ho.

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