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Anytime. Anywhere. We’ll Be There.

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“Thank you so much for coming, young man,”  the old woman tells me, for the fourth time this call. “I don’t know what I would have done without you.” Her voice is frail, querulous. She seems grateful and apologetic at the same time.

“It’s no problem, Ma’am,”  I assure her with a warm smile. “This is what we do.”

“It’s just that he’s so heavy,” she explains, yet again. “I can barely move him, and when his legs give out, he just…” her voice trails off helplessly.

“He’s a big man,” I agree. “You need some help with him, that’s for sure.”

I don’t make the usual suggestions. He has a home health nurse, but she can’t be here 24 hours a day, and they can’t afford a sitter. There were two children, and they’ve outlived them both. I know this, because this isn’t my first call at this address.

Nor is it even my tenth.

We come here once or twice a week, to this small frame house on the north end of town, an impossibly neat and tidy oasis of better times in this wasteland of crack houses and urban blight. They built here, sixty years ago, back when this was a nice place to live. Back then, they left their doors unlocked, and knew every one of their neighbors.

Now, there are bars on the windows and doors, and they live in fear of their neighbors. But they are still together after sixty-plus years, and they will not be separated, nor will they live elsewhere. This is their home. Nothing will separate them.

Not even a stroke.

And so now her days are spent caring for her husband and this house, his strength but a shadow of what it once was. The house shows the lack of a man’s touch for the past eighteen months. The interior is still immaculate, the flower beds carefully tended, but the yard is thick with unmowed grass and the cheery yellow paint is peeling.

She needs help. She’s much too frail to manage Frank alone. She’d struggle with a man his size even if she were still the dark-haired girl of twenty in the wedding photo in their foyer. Her husband needs to be in a nursing home.

But that would mean being apart. When you’re eighty, the only thing you fear more than the loss of your independence is being separated from the spouse you’ve slept beside for the past sixty years.

And so here she remains, at his side, and every few days she will be unable to lift him from his chair, and Frank will slide gently to the floor, there to remain until the EMTs pick him up. He’s never injured when we do these calls — he never has anything resembling an emergent complaint.

“Okay, Mr. Hildwine,” I smile reassuringly as my partner and I grasp his hands, “let’s get you off the floor and back into bed, shall we?”

His left hand rises to meet mine, the grip still strong, but the right remains uselessly at his side. His eyes are still sharp and clear, and in them, gratitude wars with frustration at his helplessness. My partner and I gently lift, and pull Frank Hildwine to a standing position. We stand there for a moment, waiting for him to regain his equilibrium, hovering just a touch away should his right leg betray him yet again. We hold his arms as he haltingly makes the five steps to his hospital bed, and we tuck him under the covers when we’re done.

“Here, take this,” his wife says gratefully, thrusting a crumpled twenty into my palm, just as she has done every other time we’ve come here.

I shake my head gently and place the bill back into her palm, clasping my hand over her clenched fist. “That’s not necessary, Mrs. Hildwine,” I say. “There’s no charge.”

“Violet,” she corrects automatically. “I’ve told you to call me Violet. And you can’t keep coming out here and not expect to be paid!”

“Yes we can,” I say with a wink, “and if I call you ‘Violet’ instead of ‘Mrs Hildwine’, my Grandma would rise out of the ground and git me.”

“But, but…” she splutters. “You young men are here several times a week, and I know you have sick people to take care of. This is not what I should be calling 911 for, but I just don’t know what else to do. Please, let me offer you something.”

I consider that for a moment. She’s right, this is not what we were trained for. There is no emergent medical complaint, never enough trauma to warrant any treatment. Frank and Violet Hildwine do not need the services of a paramedic.

Then again, I believe there is honor in the implicit compact; someone calls 911, an ambulance comes. Always. Who am I to say what form my help should take when I arrive?

“Very well, Mrs. Hildwine,” I sigh. “The going rate for helping your husband off the floor is a couple of those oatmeal cookies I saw on your kitchen counter. One for me, and one for my partner.”

As she ushers us outside, cookies in hand, she apologizes again for calling. “I’m so sorry I had to trouble you again for this. I know you have more important things to do.”

“No Ma’am,” I tell her firmly as I take another bite of cookie. “You need us, you call. Anytime, any where, we’ll be there.”

To celebrate EMS Week, EMS1 is holding a contest. The theme of EMS Week 2010 is “Anytime. Anywhere. We’ll be there.”

Be it a short story of 500 words or less like the one above, a poem, a photo or a video with a 50 word caption, we want to hear of the time you were there. Click here and enter now! Deadline is May 16.

I won’t be entering the contest, but I’ll be on the judging panel, so I’m calling out all my EMS peeps and fellow bloggers. Epijunky, Lt. Michael Morse, Ckemtp, Happy Medic, Medic 999, Medic Scribe and all the rest of you… send us your stories!

Heh.

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He forgot to remind us that George Bush hates black people.

Just for Clarification…

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… for the fans of the JEMS Facebook page who come here and can’t get beyond the blog title, or for some other reason get the mistaken idea that I look with disdain upon EMTs, I thought a little repost of an old blog entry might be in order:

**********

New Medic Syndrome*

For you brand-new medics, a few little things to remember as you embark on this phase of your EMS career:

1. There is no Monro-Kellie doctrine for EMS crews. Their is no finite knowledge base to be split between you and your partner. Just because you have a shiny new paramedic patch doesn’t mean the EMT-Basic on the truck suddenly became stupid overnight. Try to remember that they have more to contribute to patient care other than being our personal pack mule, and they might just save you from making an ass of yourself one day.

2. Your paramedic class may have taught you the bare minimum medical knowledge you’ll need, but it didn’t teach you leadership and scene management skills. Those things, you learn on the street. And the best way to do that is remembering a) that you’re part of a team, and b) that a leader doesn’t ask a subordinate to do anything that he isn’t willing to do himself.

3. The paramedic patch on your arm doesn’t buy you any respect. To your partners, even the EMTs, you’re still the same marginally competent dumbass you were last week. You want respect, earn it. And the best way to do that is to practice The Golden Rule.

4. You may not believe it now, but your biggest mistakes early on are going to be made in Items 1-3, not because of some deficiency in your medical knowledge. If you’re smart, those mistakes will be few and far between, and your partners will work hard to cover your ass. If you’re a jerk, they’ll work just as hard to expose your ass when you do make a medical mistake. And you are going to make mistakes, Hero. Count on it.

5. The vast majority of the stuff you’re going to do on scene is BLS. Assessments, history, and interventions, it’s mostly BLS, and many of your ALS interventions can be done in the back of the rig on the way to the ER. That means the guy with the EMT-B patch is just as important on that scene as the guy with the EMT-P patch. They know how to do what’s needed on a scene just as well as you do. Do yourself and the EMTs a favor, and resist the urge to tell them how to do their jobs.

6. Remember that paramedic every EMT hated? You know, the one that treated you like you were stupid, micromanaged every aspect of patient care, called you out in public, and generally acted as if their personal feces were not odorific? Now that you’re a paramedic, try not to be that guy.

*New Medic Syndrome: A mysterious malady that seems to afflict a great many new paramedics. Some researchers postulate that the new medic, nervous and unsure of himself and hyper-aware of his new status in the medical pecking order, projects that lack of confidence onto others. Others theorize that paramedic patches refract and focus undesirable character traits much like a magnifying glass refracts and focuses light.

Stop, Or My Mom Will Shoot!

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For this Mother’s Day, Andrew Rothman of Minnesota Gun Training is offering a sweet deal. Take your permit to carry class from him, and he’ll throw in Mom’s tuition for free.

I can think of nothing that says “I love you, Mom!” more than buying her a new heater for Mother’s Day, and the training to use it responsibly.

Good on you, Andrew!

Rookie Partner IV

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With Rookie Partner III’s acceptance into the accelerated paramedic program, for the past month I’ve been making do with a revolving cast of swing shift EMTs and members of other crews picking up overtime shifts.

Yesterday I met my new permanent (for now) partner, RP IV.

Apparently The Borg is now promoting directly from the EMS Explorer Post to a full-time spot on the rig. Seriously, the kid looks about fifteen.I think he shaves with a lint brush, and checks himself in the mirror every morning for that glorious day when his pubes finally come in.

He also has the annoying habit of calling me “Sir” a lot, asking for permission to go to the bathroom, and apologizing for every. thing. that. happens.

He also drives like an octogenarian grandma on Quaaludes. On our last emergency call, we got passed by a guy on a Hoverround scooter.

I give it three months before he goes from this:

Cub-Scout-Fred

To this:

crazy_old_man

Dear Borg Dispatcher,

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Dude, if you masturbated physically as often as you do mentally with all these pointless post changes, you’d have forearms like Popeye…

… and blisters in very tender places.


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