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You Know He’s a Frequent Flier* When:

26 comments

You arrive on the scene for the unconscious male lying in the roadway, cruise slowly past the police cars blocking traffic, and without even getting out of your ambulance, you roll down the window and bark, “Leon! Get your ignorant ass outta the road! Someone runs over you, you might damage a perfectly good car!”

And not only does Leon obediently cease being an impediment to traffic flow, he also hobbles meekly to your ambulance and climbs aboard. You should have seen the face of the cops who called us.

Yes, Leon is a patient we transport all the time, and yes, that’s exactly how the call went down.

And no, there is absolutely nothing wrong with him that about 220 grains of Trepanazine wouldn’t fix.

*Of course, The Borg frowns on us referring to such people as frequent fliers. Rather, they’re valued repeat customers, which everyone knows are the foundation to a successful business.

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Posted by on March 9, 2010 • Filed under: EMS System Abuse, Frequent Fliers, Humor, Uncategorized
  • John

    Does the Borg also frown upon being called the “Borg”

  • Ambulance_Driver

    I'm not sure. I haven't been fully assimilated into the Hive Mind, so I may not be cognizant of all their thinking.

    They sure have assimilated a lot of smaller EMS civilizations, though. Resistance, as they say, is futile.

    My guess is that they're not much concerned with the occasional non-programmed thoughts of one lowly drone like me, provided I render good patient care and behave like a professional. ;)

  • John

    Does the Borg also frown upon being called the “Borg”

  • Ambulance_Driver

    I'm not sure. I haven't been fully assimilated into the Hive Mind, so I may not be cognizant of all their thinking.

    They sure have assimilated a lot of smaller EMS civilizations, though. Resistance, as they say, is futile.

    My guess is that they're not much concerned with the occasional non-programmed thoughts of one lowly drone like me, provided I render good patient care and behave like a professional. ;)

  • http://www.ambulancedriverfiles.com Ambulance Driver

    Jeff, the term was coined by Tamara, the blogger who has the #1 hit for “Trepanazine.”

    Trepanization, or trephination, is a medical procedure that consists of burring a hole in the skull.

    220 grains is a nice .30 caliber bullet weight to accomplish that task. ;)

    In other words, shoot ‘em in the head.

  • Jeff

    Ok, I Googled it and you're fairly close to the top of the list, but still didn't find an answer…
    Trepanazine = ????
    :)

  • Adam_Thompson

    It's gotta be gun powder.

  • Brian

    “The Borg frowns on us referring to such people as frequent fliers.”
    Particularly when they're insured!

  • Adam_Thompson

    It's gotta be gun powder.

  • Brian

    “The Borg frowns on us referring to such people as frequent fliers.”
    Particularly when they're insured!

  • http://minimedic.wordpress.com/ minimedic

    The Borg? Or the patient? 'Cause I've got an inkling to what the patient's “insurance” was…

  • http://oregonemtstudent.blogspot.com/ Brad

    Trepanazine? I'm guessing it's firearms related, though I've never heard the term before…

  • djmoore

    “Trepanazine?” WTF?

    Oh. As in “Trepanning” — drilling a hole through the skull to, uh, let the evil spirits out, yeah, that's it.

    There is a slight risk of lead poisoning connected with the modern procedure AD refers to…

    I really, really want to see the PDR Trepanazine write-up.

  • Pingback: “Trepanazine” Needs a PDR Writeup, Stat « ricketyclick

  • Liz

    Does the Borg issue frequent buyer cards for loyal customers like some drugstore chains or retail stores? Get 10 points for each call.. get a free Tshirt when you reach 1,000 points — or better yet, a $50 cash back reward?

  • djmoore

    “Trepanazine?” WTF?

    Oh. As in “Trepanning” — drilling a hole through the skull to, uh, let the evil spirits out, yeah, that's it.

    There is a slight risk of lead poisoning connected with the modern procedure AD refers to…

    I really, really want to see the PDR Trepanazine write-up.

  • Liz

    Does the Borg issue frequent buyer cards for loyal customers like some drugstore chains or retail stores? Get 10 points for each call.. get a free Tshirt when you reach 1,000 points — or better yet, a $50 cash back reward?

  • mrmacs

    “220 grains of Trepanazine”

    Or as I'm fond of saying: 220 grains of lead injected intra-cranially.

    Then again, I'm a firm believer that there isn't any problem that cannot be cured with the proper application of high explosives. H/T “Uncommon Valor”

  • mrmacs

    “220 grains of Trepanazine”

    Or as I'm fond of saying: 220 grains of lead injected intra-cranially.

    Then again, I'm a firm believer that there isn't any problem that cannot be cured with the proper application of high explosives. H/T “Uncommon Valor”

  • Old_NFO

    That's called knowing your customer base…LOL And yeah, I'd have loved to have seen the cops faces :-)

  • Old_NFO

    That's called knowing your customer base…LOL And yeah, I'd have loved to have seen the cops faces :-)

  • landlockedtxn

    how can he be good for business if he has no insurance? oh, unless, of course, he has medicaid, right? how stupid can i be?

  • Ambulance_Driver

    Actually, pure Medicaid patients are money-losers, too.

    Just not as bad as uninsured patients.

  • http://ambulancesboomstickscoffee.blogspot.com Jim (firefighter4884)

    he can only be a valued repeat customer if he can pay the stupid bill!

  • http://ambulancesboomstickscoffee.blogspot.com Jim (firefighter4884)

    he can only be a valued repeat customer if he can pay the stupid bill!

  • http://ambulancesboomstickscoffee.blogspot.com Jim (firefighter4884)

    he can only be a valued repeat customer if he can pay the stupid bill!

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