Incarceritis: [in-kahr-suh-reyt-is]
- noun
- medical condition induced by the threat of being confined.
- a psychological state in which the sufferer, upon hearing the words, “You are under arrest,” experiences the sudden onset of chest pain, difficulty breathing, seizures, swine flu, avian flu, Rock and Roll Hoochie Coo, demonic possession, Jello allergy, unconsciousness, Legionnaire’s disease, or any one of a constellation of symptoms or maladies incompatible with penal confinement.
- use
“Although the patient complained of difficulty breathing, the fact that he was 17 years old, had no asthma history, and exhibited clear lung sounds and normal vital signs, coupled with the stench of alcohol and fear, led the medic to suspect that his problem was not reactive airway disease, but acute incarceritis.
– synonyms
jail fever, stainless steel allergy
Don't forget side effects like stomach pain, esophageal burning, nausea, and vomiting from the sudden ingestion of illicit drugs that are not meant to be ingested, especially while still packaged in a plastic bag.
Don't forget side effects like stomach pain, esophageal burning, nausea, and vomiting from the sudden ingestion of illicit drugs that are not meant to be ingested, especially while still packaged in a plastic bag.
You fergot “anal seepage”…
We have always called it PISD – Pre Incarceration Stress Disorder. It also includes throwing one's self to the ground or onto the hood of the PD car and claim to be beaten by the cops.
Also known as “Nobailitis”, because finding out that you are being held the entire weekend because you can't be bailed out until you see the judge exacerbates the onset. It's been known to be near life threatening if it's a holiday weekend and court won't be open until Tuesday.
In standard cases of incarceritis the sudden appearance of the clerk magistrate or bail bondsman has been known to produce rapid remission of symptoms.
I try to forget anal seepage at any opportunity.
Also known as “Nobailitis”, because finding out that you are being held the entire weekend because you can't be bailed out until you see the judge exacerbates the onset. It's been known to be near life threatening if it's a holiday weekend and court won't be open until Tuesday.
In standard cases of incarceritis the sudden appearance of the clerk magistrate or bail bondsman has been known to produce rapid remission of symptoms.
I try to forget anal seepage at any opportunity.
Dammit… gimme a beverage alert when you do these… I can't afford the keyboards…
Dammit… gimme a beverage alert when you do these… I can't afford the keyboards…
a.k.a., “Chrome induced ischemia”
Incarceritis isn't limited to just impending arrest and incarceration, but veterans of the system can suffer from it as well, especially immediately after tearing up the card that goes in the satellite dish machine and coming to the [late] realization that 49 other guys really wanted to watch t.v. and aren't happy that they can't. Then again, those may be symptomatic of a completely different malady- perhaps hyperstupiditis would be better? (Remember, I'm still fairly new to all this medical stuff.)
This is hilarious. You started my day with a good laugh. Thanks.
This is hilarious. You started my day with a good laugh. Thanks.