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My Question Is…

24 comments


… if our love of quilted butt wipe is causing the decimation of old growth forests…

… and spotted owls are no longer an endangered species…

… and spotted owls nest in those trees we’ll be saving…

… can I just wipe my ass with spotted owl feathers?

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Posted by on October 2, 2009 • Filed under: Uncategorized
  • L

    If you don't pull them straight off the owl, sure. That would be cruuuu-el.

  • L

    If you don't pull them straight off the owl, sure. That would be cruuuu-el.

  • Jeff

    You just don't like big, old trees 'cause they embarass you. :) That toilet paper from old trees was news to me though. I figgered all paper was made from farmed trees.You must EAT the owl too of course.

  • Amanda

    Of course I read this while eating my oh-so-healthy Reese's Peanut Butter Lovers Peanut Butter Cup.It is now on my keyboard.Damn you, AD!![seriously, LOL -- evil writer!]

  • Jeff

    You just don't like big, old trees 'cause they embarass you. :)

    That toilet paper from old trees was news to me though. I figgered all paper was made from farmed trees.

    You must EAT the owl too of course.

  • Amanda

    Of course I read this while eating my oh-so-healthy Reese's Peanut Butter Lovers Peanut Butter Cup.

    It is now on my keyboard.

    Damn you, AD!!

    [seriously, LOL -- evil writer!]

  • Ted

    Have you ever tried wiping your ass with a spotted owl? It is not recommended.

  • Ted

    Have you ever tried wiping your ass with a spotted owl? It is not recommended.

  • Ambulance Driver

    If you hold them by the talons, and wipe with their beak facing away from you, it shouldn't be too much of a problem…

  • Ambulance Driver

    If you hold them by the talons, and wipe with their beak facing away from you, it shouldn't be too much of a problem…

  • Anonymous

    You watch The Colbert Report?I'd have never guessed.

  • Anonymous

    You watch The Colbert Report?

    I'd have never guessed.

  • Christina LMT

    Well, since they're owl feathers, they should be nice and soft…that's a plus.

  • Christina LMT

    Well, since they're owl feathers, they should be nice and soft…that's a plus.

  • Ambulance Driver

    As hard as it may be to believe, Anonymous, I swear I never saw the Colbert clip before today.He stole that one from me apparently.

  • Ambulance Driver

    As hard as it may be to believe, Anonymous, I swear I never saw the Colbert clip before today.

    He stole that one from me apparently.

  • ASM826

    You cannot just think of a new idea with out thinking of the consequences. Can you imagine the mess in your pipes? A poo clotted bolus of spotted owl feathers would not be conductive to good drainage.I recommend a catch and release program, where you would buy spotted owls by the crate every week at the big box store and then release them into the wild when you have finished with them.This would create huge flocks of very angry spotted owls that no one wanted to touch.If we could then figure out how to get them to roost in sumdood's neighborhood, it would provide no end of entertainment.

  • ASM826

    You cannot just think of a new idea with out thinking of the consequences. Can you imagine the mess in your pipes? A poo clotted bolus of spotted owl feathers would not be conductive to good drainage.

    I recommend a catch and release program, where you would buy spotted owls by the crate every week at the big box store and then release them into the wild when you have finished with them.

    This would create huge flocks of very angry spotted owls that no one wanted to touch.

    If we could then figure out how to get them to roost in sumdood's neighborhood, it would provide no end of entertainment.

  • Anonymous

    "We" can cut our toilet paper usage 50% or more by using an add on Bidet to the standard toilet. It sprays water on your business, then you need just a bit of paper to dry the spot up.Whats the cost of toilet paper over a year? at 0.25 cents a roll? "A typical brand's 12-pack retails for $6.99 and has 352 sheets per roll, meaning that it will last a family of four about 18 to 19 days. That means that family needs to buy a 12-pack about 20 times per year, putting the annual toilet-tissue costs around $140."Add on bidet gadjet cost $80.00 plus maybe plumber cost to hook up the water supply .

  • Anonymous

    "We" can cut our toilet paper usage 50% or more by using an add on Bidet to the standard toilet. It sprays water on your business, then you need just a bit of paper to dry the spot up.
    Whats the cost of toilet paper over a year? at 0.25 cents a roll?
    "A typical brand's 12-pack retails for $6.99 and has 352 sheets per roll, meaning that it will last a family of four about 18 to 19 days. That means that family needs to buy a 12-pack about 20 times per year, putting the annual toilet-tissue costs around $140."

    Add on bidet gadjet cost $80.00 plus maybe plumber cost to hook up the water supply .

  • curmudgeon

    I actually have t-shirt that says "Save a tree. Wipe your ass with an owl."

  • curmudgeon

    I actually have t-shirt that says "Save a tree. Wipe your ass with an owl."

  • Sigivald

    Huh. And here I see all these farms of new fast-growing cottonwoods that Boise Cascade plants for paper stock, and these hippie twats are telling me that they're cutting down old-growth to make paper?Like fuck they are. That wood's worth far too much as lumber to cut it down for paper; they might make paper out of the scrap and sawdust, but that's just conservation, not waste.Around here, old-growth pine is shipped whole to Japan where it's worth a fortune, not ground up into TP.

  • Sigivald

    Huh. And here I see all these farms of new fast-growing cottonwoods that Boise Cascade plants for paper stock, and these hippie twats are telling me that they're cutting down old-growth to make paper?

    Like fuck they are. That wood's worth far too much as lumber to cut it down for paper; they might make paper out of the scrap and sawdust, but that's just conservation, not waste.

    Around here, old-growth pine is shipped whole to Japan where it's worth a fortune, not ground up into TP.

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