And who was Suzanne Flanzimay, you ask?
Well, among thousands of petty crimes, she killed James Taylor’s girlfriend.
Well, at least I thought she did. When I was but a wee tot, my mother lurved Fire and Rain, particularly John Denver’s cover of the song. And being the precocious little fella that I was, I used to sing it to her to cheer her up, and my mom needed a lot of cheering up when I was a kid.
Never mind how such a melancholy song can actually cheer someone up, but I suspect Mom liked hearing a three-year-old hilariously mangle the lyrics:
Just yesterday morning, they wet me know you were gone.
Suzanne Fwanzimay put an end to youuuu…
Suzanne Flanzimay was the surrogate for Notme, Sumbody and Idunno whenever something went wrong at my house:
“Who ate all your father’s salted peanuts?!”
Beats me, but it fits Suzanne Flanzimay’s MO.
“How did this wad of gum get in your sister’s hair?”
I recall seeing Suzanne chewing an entire pack of Wrigley’s not ten minutes ago, Mom.
“Who went into my purse and ate an entire value pack of Wrigley’s Spearmint???”
See previous answer.
“WHICH ONE OF YOU IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THROWING ELEVEN POODLE PUPPIES IN THE TOILET????”
Well, if I had to hazard a guess, I bet Suzanne Flanzimay wanted to give them a bath. Hence, the shampoo bottle and several hairbrushes thrown in there, too. But in her defense, she thought you’d be pleased, Mom.
When I was eleven or so, while learning to play acoustic guitar, I found the lyrics to Fire and Rain. Much to my chagrin, I learned that Suzanne Flanzimay was not the master criminal I thought she was.
Well, you can imagine my disappointment; yet another piece of childhood innocence dashed upon the harsh rocks of reality, lying there beside the bleached wrecks of Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and the belief that professional wrestling is real.
Flash forward thirty-odd years to present day, and I’m noodling around on the Intarwebz, downloading a song or two. On a lark, I Googled the lyrics to one of them, and discovered that, while the chick Manfred Mann was singing about may have indeed been blinded by the light, she was definitely not “wrapped up like a douche.”
I had hopes that she was, you know, what with little Early Pearly offering rides in his curly-wurly and all the calliopes crashing to the ground. Manfred Mann songs are the lyrical equivalent of Jabberwocky. Personally, I think “wrapped up like a douche” dovetails nicely with the rest of the lyrics, and if you could thow in a frumious Bandersnatch and a few slithy toves gyreing and gimbling in the wabe, well that’d be just peachy, too.
Any of y’all have other tragically misunderstood song lyrics you’d like to share?
