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Hospital Food: The Stuff That Makes MREs Look Tasty

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After my first session of CPR class ended, I followed the scent of scorched semi-edible meat byproducts to PGHNSTRACH’s kitchen, whereupon I procured a styrofoam box of meat-flavored protein patty and assorted unidentified plant substitutes.

I hied forth to my classroom to choke down feast upon my noonday sustenance, when upon opening the box, I was immediately struck by the following observations:

1. “What, no ham slice and macaroni? On every day that ends in “y”, we usually get mac’n cheese with a ham slice.”

2. “Who ever heard of a chicken-fried steak served over jambalaya? Moreover, where is the gravy for my chicken-fried steak?”

3. “Ah, here’s the gravy…WTF? Brown gravy with chicken-fried steak? Philistines.“

4. “Gee, this gravy looks kinda congealed. Whatever. Spread it on the steak and nuke it for 30 seconds, and we’re golden.”

Folks, the only thing nastier than chocolate pudding on a chicken-fried steak is hot, bubbling chocolate pudding on a chicken-fried steak.

Posted by Ambulance Driver on April 16, 2009 • Filed under: Uncategorized
  • BadTux
    The "chicken-fried" refers to the batter in which the "steak" is fried, Phil. It's the same kind of batter as is used to fry chicken. Remember, in the South, if it ain't fried, it ain't food :-).


    - Badtux the Southern Penguin
  • Phil
    So, what has the chicken got to do with anything? Or is the chicken the cook?
  • BadTux
    I made the mistake of reading this story while eating. I literally snorted ramen noodles out of my nose.
  • Sigivald
    tasty.


    40lizard: See < HREF="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EN9oXseHSqw" REL="nofollow">here

    .
  • markm
    Kathy: "Round steak"? It's always been hamburger under the breading. Even if it's "ground round", it's still hamburger with extra fat captured in the breading. Add gravy and it was too much grease for my digestion even when I was doing farm work and could eat 5,000 calories a day without gaining weight.


    Bob: The Spectrum hospital cafeteria on Michigan Street in Grand Rapids, MI isn't good enough to drive across town for - particularly with the parking rates - but it sure beats the McDonalds across the street.
  • The British Bird.
    I was i hospital prior to having my second child, and I actually LOST weight. The food was so terrible.
  • Christina LMT
    Well, you know what they say happens when you assume, right?


    TASTE TEST NEXT TIME!
  • Kath
    Uh-oh. I'm in love -- no, I'm in infatuation. How's that?


    Honestly can't even say how, but I found your blog early this morning and have been reading off and on today (yeah, ok, so I'm supposed to be working, I am -- kinda!).



    So thanks for letting me spend the day. And I see you have many, many fans here -- and may I say, all of it seems quite justified!!



    Thanks!

    Kath
  • RevMedic
    I just did a transport yesterday to one of the out-of-the-way, country hospitals. The E.D. staff gave us each a $7 voucher for their cafeteria.
    That was the best stir-fry I've ever had!

    Gonna have to talk more patients into being transported there...
  • OrangeNeckInNY
    Mmmmm...chicken fried steak with creamy gravy... *drool*.
  • *~*Nicole*~*
    Ambulance Mommy's first comment made me think of the famous Jessica Simpson line "Is this chicken? Or tuna?" LMAO
  • DJMooreTX
    I've seen congealed brown gravy, and I've seen chocolate pudding, and AD, if it was possible for you to confuzzle the two, the pudding had to be as artificial as the gravy would have been.


    Or you had to be scrupulously not paying attention, an impulse I completely understand when faced with most institutional food.



    Thanks for the laugh!
  • The Bus Driver
    omg i'm laughing so hard i cant breathe!!!


    you didnt think to smell or taste it before you slathered it on?!?!?! lmao!!!
  • Ambulance Mommy
    ok, i agree...that does sound good. minus the chocolate pudding though :)
  • 40lizard
    Thank you Kathy for explaining what chicken fried steak is for me! I think I'll have to go make some- I've been drooling ever since I read AD's post!
  • Sheri
    OMG! Must remember that!
  • Kathy
    I agree with 40Lizard...those of you who are gagging must not live in the south!! Chicken Fried Steak is a staple south of the Mason-Dixon line! It is a round steak that is battered and fried and usually served with white gravy and mashed potatoes or other vegatables. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!
  • Sara
    UMMMM, chocolate gravy........
  • Ambulance Mommy
    ugh, my stomach just turned....


    pardon my ignorance, but what exactly is chicken fried steak? is it chicken or steak? or neither?
  • 40lizard
    There's nothing like a good chicken fried steak with tons of cream gravy! And woe to the one who ruins it!


    And for those of you who think this is gross- you just haven't had one cooked and served properly! Because you just haven't lived until you've had a good chicken fried steak!
  • Ross
    Thanks for the early morning gigglesnort, AD!


    Although... it occurs to me that that steak at the Hilltop could only have been improved by chocolate pudding.



    And a heaping helping of smadocas (word virification), whatever that is. ;-)
  • Vetnurse
    Sounds like my cooking efforts, gross and almost inedible.
  • Janean
    OH GROOOSSSSS!!
  • Cybrludite
    Heh. Reminds me of the book "Eat What You Want And Die Like A Man". Steve' recipe for Chicken Fried Steak uses thin ribeyes in place of the horse scalp normally used.
  • Old NFO
    oops... :-)
  • Bob@thenest
    Opelousas General used to have such good food I'd slide over there when visiting my mother just to eat there, INCLUDING when she was not in the hospital. The single best exception to the hospital food stereotype I know of.
  • The Happy Medic
    I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. That is horrid!
  • Heath
    Chicken fried steak slathered with gravy is food of the gods. Add homefries and eggs, and it's unbeatable..


    Aint no other breakfast gauren-damn-teed to get you through a day of bailing straw in the heat with either light or no lunch.
  • Hammer
    Cream gravy with lots of pepper on the Chicken fried steak..served with biscuits and green beans.


    Damn..now I'm hungry.
  • Farmmom
    Its alright AD I promise when you show up in Colorado I will make you a good chicken fried steak with cream gravy and fried taters. I might even throw in a piece of apple pie if your a good boy.
  • mostly cajun
    That's as good as the G/F mistaking those neat little rings of calamari for onion rings...


    MC
  • Rick R.
    Just do what we did in the Army -- sprinkle Tabasco over everything and call it good.
  • rayanne
    So, people really eat Chicken Fried Steak? I thought it was a myth of the south.
  • Lorraine
    Personally, I think the pudding would make the chicken-fried steak better. lol Thanks for the laugh!
  • HollyB
    Chocolate Pudding on a CFS? The Humanitee?
  • Chris
    Whoops!


    In a Scout cooking competition, I once sprinkled instant mash onto cake believing that I was dusting it with custard powder (werd in itself, but we didn't have time to make the custard, and had to use all the ingredients)
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