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Hospital Food: The Stuff That Makes MREs Look Tasty

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After my first session of CPR class ended, I followed the scent of scorched semi-edible meat byproducts to PGHNSTRACH’s kitchen, whereupon I procured a styrofoam box of meat-flavored protein patty and assorted unidentified plant substitutes.

I hied forth to my classroom to choke down feast upon my noonday sustenance, when upon opening the box, I was immediately struck by the following observations:

1. “What, no ham slice and macaroni? On every day that ends in “y”, we usually get mac’n cheese with a ham slice.”

2. “Who ever heard of a chicken-fried steak served over jambalaya? Moreover, where is the gravy for my chicken-fried steak?”

3. “Ah, here’s the gravy…WTF? Brown gravy with chicken-fried steak? Philistines.“

4. “Gee, this gravy looks kinda congealed. Whatever. Spread it on the steak and nuke it for 30 seconds, and we’re golden.”

Folks, the only thing nastier than chocolate pudding on a chicken-fried steak is hot, bubbling chocolate pudding on a chicken-fried steak.

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Posted by on April 16, 2009 • Filed under: Uncategorized
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  • Chris

    Whoops!

    In a Scout cooking competition, I once sprinkled instant mash onto cake believing that I was dusting it with custard powder (werd in itself, but we didn’t have time to make the custard, and had to use all the ingredients)

  • Chris

    Whoops!In a Scout cooking competition, I once sprinkled instant mash onto cake believing that I was dusting it with custard powder (werd in itself, but we didn’t have time to make the custard, and had to use all the ingredients)

  • HollyB

    Chocolate Pudding on a CFS? The Humanitee?

  • HollyB

    Chocolate Pudding on a CFS? The Humanitee?

  • Lorraine

    Personally, I think the pudding would make the chicken-fried steak better. lol Thanks for the laugh!

  • Lorraine

    Personally, I think the pudding would make the chicken-fried steak better. lol Thanks for the laugh!

  • rayanne

    So, people really eat Chicken Fried Steak? I thought it was a myth of the south.

  • rayanne

    So, people really eat Chicken Fried Steak? I thought it was a myth of the south.

  • Rick R.

    Just do what we did in the Army — sprinkle Tabasco over everything and call it good.

  • Rick R.

    Just do what we did in the Army — sprinkle Tabasco over everything and call it good.

  • mostly cajun

    That’s as good as the G/F mistaking those neat little rings of calamari for onion rings…

    MC

  • mostly cajun

    That’s as good as the G/F mistaking those neat little rings of calamari for onion rings…MC

  • Farmmom

    Its alright AD I promise when you show up in Colorado I will make you a good chicken fried steak with cream gravy and fried taters. I might even throw in a piece of apple pie if your a good boy.

  • Farmmom

    Its alright AD I promise when you show up in Colorado I will make you a good chicken fried steak with cream gravy and fried taters. I might even throw in a piece of apple pie if your a good boy.

  • Hammer

    Cream gravy with lots of pepper on the Chicken fried steak..served with biscuits and green beans.

    Damn..now I’m hungry.

  • Hammer

    Cream gravy with lots of pepper on the Chicken fried steak..served with biscuits and green beans.Damn..now I’m hungry.

  • Heath

    Chicken fried steak slathered with gravy is food of the gods. Add homefries and eggs, and it’s unbeatable..

    Aint no other breakfast gauren-damn-teed to get you through a day of bailing straw in the heat with either light or no lunch.

  • Heath

    Chicken fried steak slathered with gravy is food of the gods. Add homefries and eggs, and it’s unbeatable.. Aint no other breakfast gauren-damn-teed to get you through a day of bailing straw in the heat with either light or no lunch.

  • The Happy Medic

    I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. That is horrid!

  • The Happy Medic

    I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. That is horrid!

  • Bob@thenest

    Opelousas General used to have such good food I’d slide over there when visiting my mother just to eat there, INCLUDING when she was not in the hospital. The single best exception to the hospital food stereotype I know of.

  • Bob@thenest

    Opelousas General used to have such good food I’d slide over there when visiting my mother just to eat there, INCLUDING when she was not in the hospital. The single best exception to the hospital food stereotype I know of.

  • Old NFO

    oops… :-)

  • Old NFO

    oops… :-)

  • Cybrludite

    Heh. Reminds me of the book “Eat What You Want And Die Like A Man”. Steve’ recipe for Chicken Fried Steak uses thin ribeyes in place of the horse scalp normally used.

  • Cybrludite

    Heh. Reminds me of the book “Eat What You Want And Die Like A Man”. Steve’ recipe for Chicken Fried Steak uses thin ribeyes in place of the horse scalp normally used.

  • Janean

    OH GROOOSSSSS!!

  • Janean

    OH GROOOSSSSS!!

  • Vetnurse

    Sounds like my cooking efforts, gross and almost inedible.

  • Vetnurse

    Sounds like my cooking efforts, gross and almost inedible.

  • Ross

    Thanks for the early morning gigglesnort, AD!

    Although… it occurs to me that that steak at the Hilltop could only have been improved by chocolate pudding.

    And a heaping helping of smadocas (word virification), whatever that is. ;-)

  • Ross

    Thanks for the early morning gigglesnort, AD!Although… it occurs to me that that steak at the Hilltop could only have been improved by chocolate pudding.And a heaping helping of smadocas (word virification), whatever that is. ;-)

  • 40lizard

    There’s nothing like a good chicken fried steak with tons of cream gravy! And woe to the one who ruins it!

    And for those of you who think this is gross- you just haven’t had one cooked and served properly! Because you just haven’t lived until you’ve had a good chicken fried steak!

  • 40lizard

    There’s nothing like a good chicken fried steak with tons of cream gravy! And woe to the one who ruins it! And for those of you who think this is gross- you just haven’t had one cooked and served properly! Because you just haven’t lived until you’ve had a good chicken fried steak!

  • Ambulance Mommy

    ugh, my stomach just turned….

    pardon my ignorance, but what exactly is chicken fried steak? is it chicken or steak? or neither?

  • Ambulance Mommy

    ugh, my stomach just turned….pardon my ignorance, but what exactly is chicken fried steak? is it chicken or steak? or neither?

  • Sara

    UMMMM, chocolate gravy……..

  • Sara

    UMMMM, chocolate gravy……..

  • Kathy

    I agree with 40Lizard…those of you who are gagging must not live in the south!! Chicken Fried Steak is a staple south of the Mason-Dixon line! It is a round steak that is battered and fried and usually served with white gravy and mashed potatoes or other vegatables. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!

  • Kathy

    I agree with 40Lizard…those of you who are gagging must not live in the south!! Chicken Fried Steak is a staple south of the Mason-Dixon line! It is a round steak that is battered and fried and usually served with white gravy and mashed potatoes or other vegatables. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!

  • Sheri

    OMG! Must remember that!

  • Sheri

    OMG! Must remember that!

  • 40lizard

    Thank you Kathy for explaining what chicken fried steak is for me! I think I’ll have to go make some- I’ve been drooling ever since I read AD’s post!

  • 40lizard

    Thank you Kathy for explaining what chicken fried steak is for me! I think I’ll have to go make some- I’ve been drooling ever since I read AD’s post!

  • Ambulance Mommy

    ok, i agree…that does sound good. minus the chocolate pudding though :)

  • Ambulance Mommy

    ok, i agree…that does sound good. minus the chocolate pudding though :)

  • The Bus Driver

    omg i’m laughing so hard i cant breathe!!!

    you didnt think to smell or taste it before you slathered it on?!?!?! lmao!!!

  • The Bus Driver

    omg i’m laughing so hard i cant breathe!!!you didnt think to smell or taste it before you slathered it on?!?!?! lmao!!!

  • DJMooreTX

    I’ve seen congealed brown gravy, and I’ve seen chocolate pudding, and AD, if it was possible for you to confuzzle the two, the pudding had to be as artificial as the gravy would have been.

    Or you had to be scrupulously not paying attention, an impulse I completely understand when faced with most institutional food.

    Thanks for the laugh!

  • DJMooreTX

    I’ve seen congealed brown gravy, and I’ve seen chocolate pudding, and AD, if it was possible for you to confuzzle the two, the pudding had to be as artificial as the gravy would have been. Or you had to be scrupulously not paying attention, an impulse I completely understand when faced with most institutional food. Thanks for the laugh!

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