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Hospital Food: The Stuff That Makes MREs Look Tasty

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After my first session of CPR class ended, I followed the scent of scorched semi-edible meat byproducts to PGHNSTRACH’s kitchen, whereupon I procured a styrofoam box of meat-flavored protein patty and assorted unidentified plant substitutes.

I hied forth to my classroom to choke down feast upon my noonday sustenance, when upon opening the box, I was immediately struck by the following observations:

1. “What, no ham slice and macaroni? On every day that ends in “y”, we usually get mac’n cheese with a ham slice.”

2. “Who ever heard of a chicken-fried steak served over jambalaya? Moreover, where is the gravy for my chicken-fried steak?”

3. “Ah, here’s the gravy…WTF? Brown gravy with chicken-fried steak? Philistines.“

4. “Gee, this gravy looks kinda congealed. Whatever. Spread it on the steak and nuke it for 30 seconds, and we’re golden.”

Folks, the only thing nastier than chocolate pudding on a chicken-fried steak is hot, bubbling chocolate pudding on a chicken-fried steak.

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Posted by on April 16, 2009 • Filed under: Uncategorized
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  • *~*Nicole*~*

    Ambulance Mommy’s first comment made me think of the famous Jessica Simpson line “Is this chicken? Or tuna?” LMAO

  • *~*Nicole*~*

    Ambulance Mommy’s first comment made me think of the famous Jessica Simpson line “Is this chicken? Or tuna?” LMAO

  • OrangeNeckInNY

    Mmmmm…chicken fried steak with creamy gravy… *drool*.

  • OrangeNeckInNY

    Mmmmm…chicken fried steak with creamy gravy… *drool*.

  • RevMedic

    I just did a transport yesterday to one of the out-of-the-way, country hospitals. The E.D. staff gave us each a $7 voucher for their cafeteria.
    That was the best stir-fry I’ve ever had!
    Gonna have to talk more patients into being transported there…

  • RevMedic

    I just did a transport yesterday to one of the out-of-the-way, country hospitals. The E.D. staff gave us each a $7 voucher for their cafeteria.That was the best stir-fry I’ve ever had!Gonna have to talk more patients into being transported there…

  • Kath

    Uh-oh. I’m in love — no, I’m in infatuation. How’s that?

    Honestly can’t even say how, but I found your blog early this morning and have been reading off and on today (yeah, ok, so I’m supposed to be working, I am — kinda!).

    So thanks for letting me spend the day. And I see you have many, many fans here — and may I say, all of it seems quite justified!!

    Thanks!
    Kath

  • Kath

    Uh-oh. I’m in love — no, I’m in infatuation. How’s that?Honestly can’t even say how, but I found your blog early this morning and have been reading off and on today (yeah, ok, so I’m supposed to be working, I am — kinda!). So thanks for letting me spend the day. And I see you have many, many fans here — and may I say, all of it seems quite justified!!Thanks!Kath

  • Christina LMT

    Well, you know what they say happens when you assume, right?

    TASTE TEST NEXT TIME!

  • Christina LMT

    Well, you know what they say happens when you assume, right?TASTE TEST NEXT TIME!

  • The British Bird.

    I was i hospital prior to having my second child, and I actually LOST weight. The food was so terrible.

  • The British Bird.

    I was i hospital prior to having my second child, and I actually LOST weight. The food was so terrible.

  • markm

    Kathy: “Round steak”? It’s always been hamburger under the breading. Even if it’s “ground round”, it’s still hamburger with extra fat captured in the breading. Add gravy and it was too much grease for my digestion even when I was doing farm work and could eat 5,000 calories a day without gaining weight.

    Bob: The Spectrum hospital cafeteria on Michigan Street in Grand Rapids, MI isn’t good enough to drive across town for – particularly with the parking rates – but it sure beats the McDonalds across the street.

  • markm

    Kathy: “Round steak”? It’s always been hamburger under the breading. Even if it’s “ground round”, it’s still hamburger with extra fat captured in the breading. Add gravy and it was too much grease for my digestion even when I was doing farm work and could eat 5,000 calories a day without gaining weight.Bob: The Spectrum hospital cafeteria on Michigan Street in Grand Rapids, MI isn’t good enough to drive across town for – particularly with the parking rates – but it sure beats the McDonalds across the street.

  • Sigivald

    MREs… <>are<> tasty.

    40lizard: See < HREF="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EN9oXseHSqw" REL="nofollow">here<>.

  • Sigivald

    tasty.40lizard: See here.

  • BadTux

    I made the mistake of reading this story while eating. I literally snorted ramen noodles out of my nose.

  • BadTux

    I made the mistake of reading this story while eating. I literally snorted ramen noodles out of my nose.

  • Phil

    So, what has the chicken got to do with anything? Or is the chicken the cook?

  • Phil

    So, what has the chicken got to do with anything? Or is the chicken the cook?

  • BadTux

    The “chicken-fried” refers to the batter in which the “steak” is fried, Phil. It’s the same kind of batter as is used to fry chicken. Remember, in the South, if it ain’t fried, it ain’t food :-) .

    - Badtux the Southern Penguin

  • BadTux

    The “chicken-fried” refers to the batter in which the “steak” is fried, Phil. It’s the same kind of batter as is used to fry chicken. Remember, in the South, if it ain’t fried, it ain’t food :-) .- Badtux the Southern Penguin

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