… for all you gunny types.

Fellow medblogger Spook, RN lives in Joisey, and has received official permission from The Man to purchase his very own blaster.

How very gracious of them! [/snark]

Spook seeks advice on the best weapon to purchase. Keep in mind that he is a new shooter, and defending yourself outside your home open or concealed carry of firearms is not allowed in New Jersey.

Spook, I’ll limit my advice to the following general tips, free of personal preference or commercial bias:

1. If you’re going to keep it in the home for self-defense, don’t limit your choices to handguns. A pump shotgun with a 20 inch barrel, loaded with #4 buckshot is a dandy choice.

2. Caliber and type of action (revolver versus semiautomatic) isn’t as important a factor as shootability. Pick whichever gun you try that you shoot best.

3. When it comes to caliber choice, see Item #2. Be it a .380 or a .45, if you can’t shoot it well – or just as importantly, afford to practice with it often – you might as well just throw the gun at your attacker. If you’re going to own a gun you can’t afford ammunition for, might as well pick a Desert Eagle .50. It’s heavy enough to seriously wound an attacker when you throw it at them.

4. Don’t totally discount concealability and holster choices. One day you might move to a free state that lets you carry firearms.

1. She’s gonna need a bipod. Handling even a Cricket .22 is tough one-handed.

2. Earplugs + earmuffs + .22 CB shorts = No problem at all for a little girl with sensitive ears.

3. Working the bolt and pulling the cocking handle is a great arm strengthening exercise.

4. Fitting a .22 short into a rifle chamber is an excellent exercise to hone fine motor skills. And she’s a stubborn little cuss. If she’d have let Daddy load, we’d have been able to burn up a lot more ammo.

5. Six years old and can already recite the Four Rules, and remind her Daddy of them. Not only that, she now knows the proper context of “cold range” and “cease fire.” My kid ROCKS.

6. A full soda bottle, when hit with a .22 short at five yards, will erupt like a geyser, and will make a little girl squeal in delight, and will have her begging to go again soon.

I’m taking her fishing at the catfish ponds tomorrow after school. With a little luck, I’ll have a few pics of a little girl holding up a catfish as big as she is on the blog tomorrow night.

… because EMS1.com has extended the deadline on its EMS Week Essay Contest until April 30th.

EMS1 Extends Deadline for Excellence Writing Contest

SAN FRANCISCO – EMS1.com, a leading online resource for EMS professionals, is extending the deadline for its second annual 2009 Excellence in EMS Award competition to April 30.

EMS1 invites all EMS providers from across the nation to submit a short, original story that exemplifies this year’s EMS Week theme, “A Proud Partner in Your Community.” Submissions may include short stories, tributes, essays or other creative writing styles.

A panel of industry judges will pick the best stories and a winner will be announced during EMS Week 2009 (May 17-23). An exclusive EMS1.com feature will be written about the winner, who will also receive an award and a $200 gift card.

Winning submissions will feature strong writing and solid grammar, and will offer a poignant look at how their department has made a difference within the local community.

Submission Details

To enter, participants must submit an original electronic typewritten work of no more than 750 words to the submissions link by April 30. To qualify, the participant must be a legal resident of the United States who is currently employed as a paramedic or EMT, within private or volunteer, fire or EMS department.

For more contest details, including complete rules and how to submit a story, visit the link or contact the editor. For writing tips, visit here.

About EMS1.com

With more than 46,000 registered members and 175,000 monthly unique visitors, EMS1.com serves the emergency medical services community by providing paramedics, EMTs and first responders with the most complete range of information and resources available. In a profession where lives depend on thorough knowledge and training, EMS1 provides a single, comprehensive resource to keep the EMS community informed with the most current EMS news, analysis, products and research.

If one of my readers wins this thing, I’ll even throw in a signed book.

The name of the blog is A Day In The Life Of An Ambulance Driver. It was intended to be my creative outlet, and a way for me to polish my writing and trial-balloon new stories.

It’s never been a purely medical blog. I write about my job, my interests and my hobbies, and my bitches and beefs. It’s a microcosm of whatever is going on in my life at that particular moment, hence the title.

And frankly, I rather like the fact that my blog is neither fish nor fowl nor good red meat.

Lately though, the days in the life of this ambulance driver that I am inspired to write about have little to do with work. In an effort to stave off impending burnout, I’ve been trying to do more for myself, and obsess less about work. Hence, more guns and miscellaneous stuff, and less medicine.

And I know that pimping myself and the book may get tiresome as well, and believe me, it’s no less tiresome for me. But Kaplan Publishing took a chance on me, primarily from what they read in this blog, and I owe it to them to promote the book whenever I can.

(And it’s a damned good book, available for only $24.95 retail!)

I know that EMS stories are why many of you read, and I’m sorry I’ve disappointed you of late.

But just as many more seem to like my (admittedly) non-expert anecdotes and commentary on guns and such.

And a few Anonymi hate pretty much everything I write, but apparently continue to read anyway. (And bless your hating little hearts for it. – Ed.)

So I suppose my question is, what would you like to see more of? Go back to opining primarily on medical issues and sharing my EMS stories with you, or keep doing what I am now?

I’ll tell you right now that I’m not going to cease being an EMS/gun/daddy/potty humor blogger just to please a vocal few people who would presume to dictate my blog topics, but I am interested in what you’d like to read, and I’ll try to give you more of it.

Let me know your preferences in comments.

… on what you intend to use the gun for.

If you want to stick up the local liquor store or neighborhood bodega, I’d imagine you can find a suitable weapon on many a street corner for a decent price, no questions asked.

If, on the other hand, you wish to lawfully defend your life, property and home with it, the process is considerably more onerous.

… there’s still time to submit for EMS1’s Essay Contest. The deadline has been extended until April 30.

Get your submissions in!

… then I figure it’s only fair to apologize to them publicly if it was a misunderstanding.

Happy Hospitalist responded in comments and stated that his previous comment was meant as a joke.

One in poor taste, in my opinion, and he’s made what I felt were snide comments on a gun post or two in the past, but…

… who am I to bitch about humor being in poor taste? Heck, most of my sense of humor is in poor taste.

So, I apologize for the over-the-top, nuclear response to your comment, Happy. It was low-class of me.

… I did feel like a man that day. That’s pretty much every day, though, whether I carry a firearm or not. My views on the Second Amendment have nothing to do with my masculinity.

How about you? Do you feel like an asshole today? Or is it every day?

When you compensate for your inadequacies, what’s your surrogate penis?

Because it sure isn’t your writing ability…

… it’ll cure what ails you.

Took an impromptu shooting trip yesterday with the Husband In Law, who wanted to get some practice in before weapons qualification with his employer next week. He was itching to fling some lead from his new Springfield XDM, and me, well…

… I had a handful of guns what wanted shooting.

So, I drug out the Mosin and the Bushmaster, zeroed the scope on KatyBeth’s pink Cricket .22, and brought along the yin and yang of sidearms; my Glock 17 and the High Standard Crusader 1911, because like Donny and Marie, I am simultaneously a little bit country and a little bit rock ‘n roll.

They say even a bad day shooting is better than a good at work, and by that measure, yesterday was a very good day:

One of my ten yard targets. I was grouping like that all day long. Still a little high, though. Gonna have to work on that.

At 25 yards, I was able to keep just about every round on the paper. Most of my groups could be covered by my hand, fingers held together. That won’t win any contests, but it’s definitely minute-of-bad-guy, and I’ll get better with more practice.

Even got a few good photos of the day:

Me burping my Tupperware.

The Husband In Law With his XDM. That blur you see just behind his head is the ejected brass.

Me with the Crusader, brass in the air at the top of the photo.

Husband In Law putting the Bushmaster through its paces. Afterwards, his grin met in the back. He stopped just short of offering me the Ex Wife back in exchange for it, but only because I suspect he’s hoping she’ll buy him one just like it for Christmas.

Nex trip, I think I’m taking KatyBeth out to try out her Crickett.

And do you want to know why?

Here’s a list of all the places I went today, openly carrying a firearm on my hip:

1. McDonald’s for breakfast.

2. Several convenience stores/gas stations.

3. The Dollar Store.

4. Wal Mart (twice.)

5. Academy Sports.

6. The local Mexican restaurant (which serves alcohol, by the way).

7. The UPS store.

And nobody batted an eyelash.

In fact, my firearm garnered attention only twice; once by the cop behind me in line at Wal Mart, who offered some unsolicited, but welcome, advice on aftermarket sights for my Glock, and the second time by the cop who pulled me over on the way home.

He shined his light on the assorted shooting gear in the back of my truck, approached my window and courteously asked me if I knew why he had pulled me over.

“For weaving across the center line, I suppose,” I said sheepishly, handing him my license. “I was getting a bit sleepy. Been a long day.”

“That, and your driver’s side headlight is out,” he informed me, “but I noticed that both high beams work fine.”

“That, I didn’t know. I’ll get it fixed, though.”

“Been shooting today?” the cop inquired politely. “I noticed your gear.”

“Yup, and I’m wearing my pistol now,” I informed him. “Just so you know.”

“No problem,” he said agreeably. “Just keep your hands on the steering wheel while we’re talking, please.”

“Yes sir,” I complied. “You need to see my registration and insurance?”

“Not necessary, Sir. Those blue lights wake you up enough to make it home now?”

“Wide awake,” I chuckled. “Thanks.”

“Drive safe, Sir. And get that light fixed, okay?”

And then he winked at KatyBeth, waved, and drove off.

* Before anyone points it out, New Orleans ain’t really friendly territory to lawful gun owners, but then again, it’s only technically part of Louisiana. Kinda like our own photo negative of the Vatican, if you catch my meaning.

… this guy.

“So then he typed in this real long, disjointed search, and I was all… wha?? And then I was like, huh?? And then he was all ‘I just need the lyrics, dude’ and I told the server ‘No way!’ and the server was all, ‘Way!’ and then I just got bored and said ‘fuckit, I’ll just send ‘em to AD’s blog’ and then I went out for a latte…”

–Ask.com Search Algorithm

… might I point you attention to another worthy cause?

Muddy Angels is the website for the National EMS Memorial Bike Ride.

Their goals and vision, taken directly from their website:

About the National EMS Memorial Bike Ride

The National EMS Memorial Bike Ride, Inc. honors Emergency Medical Services personnel by organizing and implementing long distance cycling events that memorialize and celebrate the lives of those who serve everyday, those who have become sick or injured while performing their duties, and those who have died in the line of duty.

Vision:

The vision of the NEMSMBR is to see recognition of EMS as a profession, a reduction in debilitating injuries and LODD in EMS and a national EMS accountability system. It is our hope that these events will focus attention on the accomplishments of all EMS personnel, and educate the community at large about the need for improved safety standards, injury prevention, disability tracking and death benefits for EMS personnel and their families.

Objectives:

• Remember EMS workers who have died in the line of duty
• Raise public awareness about line of duty deaths and disabilities in the EMS profession
• Honor EMS workers who continue to work despite dangerous safety conditions
• Advocate for a national tracking of injuries, near misses and a line of duty deaths in EMS
• Provide a safe, friendly and supportive environment for registered participants to bicycle
• Promote healthy lifestyles for EMS providers through physical activity and nutrition

Muddy Angels has also established a Fallen Angels Fund that families of fallen EMTs can apply to for financial assistance. Such a fund is established entirely through charitable donations.

EMS is a dangerous profession, with line-of-duty death rates comparable to those of law enforcement officers and firefighters. Flight medic is the most dangerous profession in the United States.

And every year, EMTs volunteer to ride one of several routes across the country to honor a fallen EMT. They donate their time and their sweat to pay tribute to the fallen, and they even pay for the privilege. It costs each participant $250 to register, and requires an additional $250 minimum contribution to the Fallen Angels fund.

On top of that, every participant must pay their own airfare, lodging, bike rental , clothes, food and the like. It can be an expensive proposition. It is not unusual for a rider to spend a couple of thousand dollars for the privilege to ride. And 50% of the sponsorship money they raise goes to the fund, whether they have met their personal expenses or not.

And the ride itself is no picnic. My good friend Jules Scadden is riding from New York City to Roanoke, VA from May 16-23. That’s over 500 miles in seven days.

On a bicycle.

In the summertime.

Jules is riding to honor Michelle Newton Smith and Stephanie Callaway, both of Delaware.

Michelle was a First Responder scheduled to begin EMT class in January 2009. She was killed by a hit-and-run driver as she cared for an injured motorist in Sussex County in December, 2008, taken before she had even begun her career in earnest. She was a single mother, and left behind a 12-year-old daughter.

Stephanie was killed in an ambulance crash on Delaware Route 24 in June, 2008. She left behind a husband and two young children.

They both died caring for people they had never met.

This May, Jules Scadden – a paramedic they had never met – will ride over 500 miles to honor their memory. She’s donating her time and sweat, and if necessary, a couple grand of her own money.

If you’d like to help her out in this endeavor, I’ve put up a Paypal donation button on my left sidebar. I know the economy sucks right now, but every little bit helps. 50% of what you donate will go directly to the ride fund until her expenses are met, and once met, 100% of donations go to the fund.

Help her out, won’t you? And if you’d rather sponsor another Muddy Angel or just offer a general contribution, their website has a Paypal button as well.

Thanks.

After my first session of CPR class ended, I followed the scent of scorched semi-edible meat byproducts to PGHNSTRACH’s kitchen, whereupon I procured a styrofoam box of meat-flavored protein patty and assorted unidentified plant substitutes.

I hied forth to my classroom to choke down feast upon my noonday sustenance, when upon opening the box, I was immediately struck by the following observations:

1. “What, no ham slice and macaroni? On every day that ends in “y”, we usually get mac’n cheese with a ham slice.”

2. “Who ever heard of a chicken-fried steak served over jambalaya? Moreover, where is the gravy for my chicken-fried steak?”

3. “Ah, here’s the gravy…WTF? Brown gravy with chicken-fried steak? Philistines.“

4. “Gee, this gravy looks kinda congealed. Whatever. Spread it on the steak and nuke it for 30 seconds, and we’re golden.”

Folks, the only thing nastier than chocolate pudding on a chicken-fried steak is hot, bubbling chocolate pudding on a chicken-fried steak.

… there’s a new Top Ten List on EMS1.com.

Enjoy!

Being the impatient guy that I am, I jumped the gun (Heh, “jumped the gun.” I slay me.) by a full week with the purchase of my Sig Skeeter. I’ve had the opportunity since then to put a couple of bricks of ammo through it, and other than a stubborn refusal to reliably feed anything other than CCI ammo, I’m happy with it.

So yeah, she is indeed hawt, and she makes me happy in my pants.

Even better, a few hundred rounds of that ammo were spent bringing a couple of new shooters into the fold. Over Easter weekend, Husband In Law and I took his son and the Ex’s cousin-in-law shooting.

Neither had ever shot a pistol before, so we started ‘em off with this one:

That’s my Heritage Arms Rough Rider SA sixgun.

I call her Tanya, because if .22 SA six shooters were figure skaters, the Ruger Single Six would be the beautiful, talented Nancy Kerrigan, and my little hogleg would be Tanya Harding, always feeling second best and lurking around the corner with a lead pipe.

But hey, I’ve always had a weakness for the trailer park type, and I think she’s hawt and she makes me happy in my pants.

The gun, that is, not the real Tanya. I do have some standards.

And judging from the grins on the faces of a ten-year-old Louisiana boy and a grown man from upstate New York, they liked her, too. She’s well balanced and accurate, and shot exceedingly well for a pot metal-framed plinker with fixed sights.

The only bitch I have is with the safety. Namely, the fact that she has one.

Yes, you read that right. It’s a single action revolver with a three-position hammer… and a safety.

If you’re like me, such a thing conjures images of submarines fitted with screen doors, and I’ll admit it took some getting used to.

The new shooters, lacking any frame of reference, didn’t recognize it for the unnatural abomination it was, and had no problems with it.

Plus, I kinda like the confounded looks it gets when someone handles it for the first time. When I trotted this little gun out at Phlegmmy’s blogmeet, LawDog picked it up and sarcastically intoned, in his best airhead TV reporter voice, “And then the gunman flicked off the safety on his revolver, and… what the hey??? This thing HAS a safety!!!”

… but I’ve got a publisher to appease, too.

Tom Reynolds, the original EMS blogger turned author, weighs in with his review of En Route.

And if you haven’t read Tom’s blog or his book, Blood, Sweat and Tea, you’re missing something.

Thanks, Tom.

I was using the fax machine at PGHNSTRACH the other day, when I asked where I might find the Ex.

“If she’s not in her office, she’s probably outside getting pie-faced,” the clerk answered.

“Pie-faced?” I asked, intrigued.

“They’re raising money for the American Cancer Society,” she explained. “Everybody’s bidding for the chance to smack the administrators and department managers in the face with a pie.”

At that moment, the clouds parted, and a warm shaft of sunlight shone upon my face. I may have even heard a heavenly choir.

Whipped cream: $1

Paper plate: 10 cents

Donation for one whipped cream pie: $20

Smacking your ex-wife with it: PRICELESS

Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. And he came early this year.

… by two of my favorite people.

Crystal on Boobs, Injuries and Dr. Pepper, and Cranky Professor herself weighs in with the red pen.

Cranky took her Red Pen O’ Death to the continuity issues in the book, but I fear she’d gain no more traction than I did with the editor, who looked at it as a collection of short stories, rather than a chronological narrative.

Oh well. Glad they both enjoyed it, anyway.

Husband In Law (scrolling through the cable TV programming guide): “Well, we’ve got a grand total of two things worth watching right now; Tim Herald hunting black bears in Canada, or sex-crazed Tijuana party girls.”

AD: “That’s a tough choice. Let me think about it a minute.”

HIL: “We could do a picture within a picture…”

AD: “You know what would be really great? Sex-crazed Tijuana party girls hunting black bears in Canada. That has Cable Ace Award written all over it.”

HIL: “Yeah, I’d TiVo that one.”

… I’m trying not to think of you as a cretinous, mouth-breathing moron who spends your days with your finger buried to the knuckle in one nostril, ostensibly pointing to your reptilian little brain…

… but you’re making it hard, dude.

I’m beginning to think that your brain only consists of three functioning neurons, one of which is infected, one infarcted, and the third inhibitory.

You might want to try making post assignments that don’t conjure images of a blindfolded chimp randomly throwing darts at a map.

Having a state of the art computerized dispatch system with GPS tracking doesn’t mean much when some consoles are staffed entirely with PEBKACs*.

*Problem Exists Between Keyboard and Chair.

… when you are inside the ER unloading a patient, and I turn all the climate control knobs in your ambulance to HOT, and turn up the fan…

*By the way, saline??? That’s so bush league. A dextrose solution would have been much stickier.

…what the hell is wrong with you?

Even if you didn’t think what you ran over was a person, at the very least you should have gotten out and checked your rig.

Scumbag.

If any of my Los Angeles readers know who this cowardly low-life person might be, call (877) LAPD 24-7.

h/t Mule Breath

She says the sweetest things.

If she wrote a book, I’d certainly read it, although I fear that with her ADD it would just be a huge compilation of tweets from her Twitter feed…

… who sent me this, many thanks!

Now what I need is an attractive female willing to help me try it out.