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Does This Mean I'm Fully Assimilated?

96 comments


I’m going to sing the praises of my employer for a little bit. Since being assimilated by the soulless collective that is The Borg, it was pondered by many of the senior drones whether Ambulance Driver would ever fully become a part of the hive mind.

Much too outspoken and opinionated, you see.

While I may never make the most obedient drone, I have been in this business long enough to recognize excellence when I see it. The Borg may be a profit-driven, greedy corporate behemoth, but it’s the best profit-driven, greedy corporate behemoth I’ve ever encountered. The pay and benefits are good, they give you all the gadgets needed to do your job well, and they take education seriously, and that pays off in some quality EMS care. To wit:

I got an employee memo the other day about our cardiac arrest resuscitation rates.

The Borg has improved its survival rate for cardiac arrest patients from 8.2% in 2005 to 17.9% for the first three quarters of 2008.

For those of you who are interested in such things, The Borg considers “survival” to be survival to hospital discharge, neurologically intact – the only meaningful outcome there is.

That’s pretty damned impressive, considering that The Borg Empire encompasses many thousands of square miles, while only perhaps ten of our areas could be described as major urban centers. Most of our coverage area is rural.

Not bad, my fellow drones. Not bad at all.

  • Old NFO

    Well Done AD! When I was doing this stuff back in the late 70′s we were happy if we converted 10% and got them to the hospital.

  • Old NFO

    Well Done AD! When I was doing this stuff back in the late 70′s we were happy if we converted 10% and got them to the hospital.

  • TOTWTYTR

    Considering the size of the company, the service area, and even the varying quality of hospitals you transport to, those are good numbers. Systems with far more advantages in all of those areas can’t do as well. As to be assimilated, it’s not impossible for a for profit ambulance service to preserve quality of care.

  • TOTWTYTR

    Considering the size of the company, the service area, and even the varying quality of hospitals you transport to, those are good numbers. Systems with far more advantages in all of those areas can’t do as well. As to be assimilated, it’s not impossible for a for profit ambulance service to preserve quality of care.

  • TOTWTYTR

    Considering the size of the company, the service area, and even the varying quality of hospitals you transport to, those are good numbers. Systems with far more advantages in all of those areas can’t do as well. As to be assimilated, it’s not impossible for a for profit ambulance service to preserve quality of care.

  • TOTWTYTR

    Considering the size of the company, the service area, and even the varying quality of hospitals you transport to, those are good numbers. Systems with far more advantages in all of those areas can’t do as well. As to be assimilated, it’s not impossible for a for profit ambulance service to preserve quality of care.

  • Ambulance Driver

    <>Everyone:<> I’d most likely attribute the improvements to the renewed emphasis on BLS that came about with the 2005 AHA guidelines.<>Tom B:<> I’ll check with the guy who gathered the data and see if we participate in CARES.<>Tom R.<> The number includes all patients that we actually <>worked<>, which also includes the patients found to be in PEA or asystole. If resuscitation was never attempted, we don’t include those in the numbers.As far as “trade secrets,” we really have none. As I replied to other commenters, most of our success can be attributed to strict adherence to the 2005 ACLS guidelines which stress uninterrupted CPR. Here in the states, while we may have several private EMS agencies in a given area (though not often the case), all of them are bound by state and municipal regulations to provide the same minimum level of care, equipment and staffing. Theoretically, the small “Mom and Pop” services should be able to provide the same quality care as the bigger, more well-financed systems, and I have worked for Mom and Pop services where that was indeed the case.The difference primarily lies with pay, equipment and benefits. The systems that pay the best, offer the best equipment and trucks, and the most favorable working environment can often pick and choose which medics work for them, while those that refuse to pay well or staff adequately are left with the dregs.Also, in the States, volunteer EMS is quite common. The quality of the care they deliver is directly related to how much their community supports their efforts, in terms of taxes and other forms of fund raising.If your community isn’t willing to pay for quality EMS care, generally speaking it won’t get it, no matter how dedicated the volunteers that provide it.

  • Ambulance Driver

    <>Everyone:<> I’d most likely attribute the improvements to the renewed emphasis on BLS that came about with the 2005 AHA guidelines.<>Tom B:<> I’ll check with the guy who gathered the data and see if we participate in CARES.<>Tom R.<> The number includes all patients that we actually <>worked<>, which also includes the patients found to be in PEA or asystole. If resuscitation was never attempted, we don’t include those in the numbers.As far as “trade secrets,” we really have none. As I replied to other commenters, most of our success can be attributed to strict adherence to the 2005 ACLS guidelines which stress uninterrupted CPR. Here in the states, while we may have several private EMS agencies in a given area (though not often the case), all of them are bound by state and municipal regulations to provide the same minimum level of care, equipment and staffing. Theoretically, the small “Mom and Pop” services should be able to provide the same quality care as the bigger, more well-financed systems, and I have worked for Mom and Pop services where that was indeed the case.The difference primarily lies with pay, equipment and benefits. The systems that pay the best, offer the best equipment and trucks, and the most favorable working environment can often pick and choose which medics work for them, while those that refuse to pay well or staff adequately are left with the dregs.Also, in the States, volunteer EMS is quite common. The quality of the care they deliver is directly related to how much their community supports their efforts, in terms of taxes and other forms of fund raising.If your community isn’t willing to pay for quality EMS care, generally speaking it won’t get it, no matter how dedicated the volunteers that provide it.

  • Ambulance Driver

    , which also includes the patients found to be in PEA or asystole. If resuscitation was never attempted, we don’t include those in the numbers.As far as “trade secrets,” we really have none. As I replied to other commenters, most of our success can be attributed to strict adherence to the 2005 ACLS guidelines which stress uninterrupted CPR. Here in the states, while we may have several private EMS agencies in a given area (though not often the case), all of them are bound by state and municipal regulations to provide the same minimum level of care, equipment and staffing. Theoretically, the small “Mom and Pop” services should be able to provide the same quality care as the bigger, more well-financed systems, and I have worked for Mom and Pop services where that was indeed the case.The difference primarily lies with pay, equipment and benefits. The systems that pay the best, offer the best equipment and trucks, and the most favorable working environment can often pick and choose which medics work for them, while those that refuse to pay well or staff adequately are left with the dregs.Also, in the States, volunteer EMS is quite common. The quality of the care they deliver is directly related to how much their community supports their efforts, in terms of taxes and other forms of fund raising.If your community isn’t willing to pay for quality EMS care, generally speaking it won’t get it, no matter how dedicated the volunteers that provide it.

  • Ambulance Driver

    , which also includes the patients found to be in PEA or asystole. If resuscitation was never attempted, we don’t include those in the numbers.As far as “trade secrets,” we really have none. As I replied to other commenters, most of our success can be attributed to strict adherence to the 2005 ACLS guidelines which stress uninterrupted CPR. Here in the states, while we may have several private EMS agencies in a given area (though not often the case), all of them are bound by state and municipal regulations to provide the same minimum level of care, equipment and staffing. Theoretically, the small “Mom and Pop” services should be able to provide the same quality care as the bigger, more well-financed systems, and I have worked for Mom and Pop services where that was indeed the case.The difference primarily lies with pay, equipment and benefits. The systems that pay the best, offer the best equipment and trucks, and the most favorable working environment can often pick and choose which medics work for them, while those that refuse to pay well or staff adequately are left with the dregs.Also, in the States, volunteer EMS is quite common. The quality of the care they deliver is directly related to how much their community supports their efforts, in terms of taxes and other forms of fund raising.If your community isn’t willing to pay for quality EMS care, generally speaking it won’t get it, no matter how dedicated the volunteers that provide it.

  • tgtsmom

    As for you being assimilated, I believe it is quite possible to be inside a hive, recognize something they do well or have done right, and yet not be under the mind-control of the queen. So long as you are still willing to tell them when they have screwed up, you’re at least only partly assimilated. Keep up the good work! And watch out for Sumdood. With his Obamassiah assending, he will be gaining ground.

  • tgtsmom

    As for you being assimilated, I believe it is quite possible to be inside a hive, recognize something they do well or have done right, and yet not be under the mind-control of the queen. So long as you are still willing to tell them when they have screwed up, you’re at least only partly assimilated. Keep up the good work! And watch out for Sumdood. With his Obamassiah assending, he will be gaining ground.

  • tgtsmom

    As for you being assimilated, I believe it is quite possible to be inside a hive, recognize something they do well or have done right, and yet not be under the mind-control of the queen. So long as you are still willing to tell them when they have screwed up, you’re at least only partly assimilated. Keep up the good work! And watch out for Sumdood. With his Obamassiah assending, he will be gaining ground.

  • tgtsmom

    As for you being assimilated, I believe it is quite possible to be inside a hive, recognize something they do well or have done right, and yet not be under the mind-control of the queen. So long as you are still willing to tell them when they have screwed up, you’re at least only partly assimilated. Keep up the good work! And watch out for Sumdood. With his Obamassiah assending, he will be gaining ground.

  • Cheating Death

    Pretty damn impressive!

  • Cheating Death

    Pretty damn impressive!

  • Cheating Death

    Pretty damn impressive!

  • Cheating Death

    Pretty damn impressive!

  • Herbie

    Stop drinking the Kool-Aid they offer you!!!!In all seriousness, if the place makes you happy, that’s all that counts.Where’s the BP story?

  • Herbie

    Stop drinking the Kool-Aid they offer you!!!!In all seriousness, if the place makes you happy, that’s all that counts.Where’s the BP story?

  • Herbie

    Stop drinking the Kool-Aid they offer you!!!!In all seriousness, if the place makes you happy, that’s all that counts.Where’s the BP story?

  • Herbie

    Stop drinking the Kool-Aid they offer you!!!!In all seriousness, if the place makes you happy, that’s all that counts.Where’s the BP story?

  • PublicityTim

    Did you get my email yesterday regarding (shameless plug) you hysterical book En Route. Tim your shameless book publicist.

  • PublicityTim

    Did you get my email yesterday regarding (shameless plug) you hysterical book En Route. Tim your shameless book publicist.

  • PublicityTim

    Did you get my email yesterday regarding (shameless plug) you hysterical book En Route. Tim your shameless book publicist.

  • PublicityTim

    Did you get my email yesterday regarding (shameless plug) you hysterical book En Route. Tim your shameless book publicist.

  • Wyatt Earp

    Resistance is futile . . .

  • Wyatt Earp

    Resistance is futile . . .

  • Wyatt Earp

    Resistance is futile . . .

  • Wyatt Earp

    Resistance is futile . . .

  • Real Live Lesbian

    Congrats! That’s certainly something to be proud of.

  • Real Live Lesbian

    Congrats! That’s certainly something to be proud of.

  • Real Live Lesbian

    Congrats! That’s certainly something to be proud of.

  • Real Live Lesbian

    Congrats! That’s certainly something to be proud of.

  • Medicmarch.

    Not too shabby, us drones. (FIGHT THE HIVE MIND)Well, off to check my drone scores (FIGHT IT)!

  • Medicmarch.

    Not too shabby, us drones. (FIGHT THE HIVE MIND)Well, off to check my drone scores (FIGHT IT)!

  • Medicmarch.

    Not too shabby, us drones. (FIGHT THE HIVE MIND)Well, off to check my drone scores (FIGHT IT)!

  • Medicmarch.

    Not too shabby, us drones. (FIGHT THE HIVE MIND)Well, off to check my drone scores (FIGHT IT)!

  • Matt G

    What makes me proud is that you can stand there and open state: A: You like your job. B: You’re actually appreciative of the way your job runs things. That makes you an unusual cat, given that I know you’re not a Polyanna who sees Every Day Is A Lovely Day. You weren’t gushing, but you were positive. The ability to objectively assess your world about and find goodness is a surprisingly rare trait.

  • Matt G

    What makes me proud is that you can stand there and open state: A: You like your job. B: You’re actually appreciative of the way your job runs things. That makes you an unusual cat, given that I know you’re not a Polyanna who sees Every Day Is A Lovely Day. You weren’t gushing, but you were positive. The ability to objectively assess your world about and find goodness is a surprisingly rare trait.

  • Matt G

    What makes me proud is that you can stand there and open state: A: You like your job. B: You’re actually appreciative of the way your job runs things. That makes you an unusual cat, given that I know you’re not a Polyanna who sees Every Day Is A Lovely Day. You weren’t gushing, but you were positive. The ability to objectively assess your world about and find goodness is a surprisingly rare trait.

  • Matt G

    What makes me proud is that you can stand there and open state: A: You like your job. B: You’re actually appreciative of the way your job runs things. That makes you an unusual cat, given that I know you’re not a Polyanna who sees Every Day Is A Lovely Day. You weren’t gushing, but you were positive. The ability to objectively assess your world about and find goodness is a surprisingly rare trait.

  • Tom Reynolds

    Cheers for the reply AD – very helpful.We’ve also seen an increase in survival rates since the new guidelines, also since our calltakers started talking people through CPR (although a lot of people refuse to do it).I don’t think we are up to your level though for some reason – which is strange considering our run time to a call is less than eight minutes in most cases.

  • Tom Reynolds

    Cheers for the reply AD – very helpful.We’ve also seen an increase in survival rates since the new guidelines, also since our calltakers started talking people through CPR (although a lot of people refuse to do it).I don’t think we are up to your level though for some reason – which is strange considering our run time to a call is less than eight minutes in most cases.

  • Tom Reynolds

    Cheers for the reply AD – very helpful.We’ve also seen an increase in survival rates since the new guidelines, also since our calltakers started talking people through CPR (although a lot of people refuse to do it).I don’t think we are up to your level though for some reason – which is strange considering our run time to a call is less than eight minutes in most cases.

  • Tom Reynolds

    Cheers for the reply AD – very helpful.We’ve also seen an increase in survival rates since the new guidelines, also since our calltakers started talking people through CPR (although a lot of people refuse to do it).I don’t think we are up to your level though for some reason – which is strange considering our run time to a call is less than eight minutes in most cases.


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