Tagged by Epijunky (along with several others) with the Bookworm Award:

The rules are as follows:

Pass it on to five other bloggers, and tell them to open the nearest book to page 56. Write out the fifth sentence on that page, and also the next two to five sentences. The CLOSEST BOOK, NOT YOUR FAVORITE, OR MOST INTELLECTUAL!

Okay, the book tucked in the front pocket of my briefcase is Glory Road, by the inestimable R.A. Heinlein. From Page 56:

I simply intended to sight a bit high up on the trunk and hope that so heavy a bow would give me a flattish trajectory. Mostly I wanted to nock, bend and loose all in one motion as Rufo had done – to look like Robin Hood even though I was not.

A rollicking good yarn, that one. Over beer, cigars and steaks last Wednesday, I had confessed a shameful sin to TOTWTYTR and our buddy Donn Barnes – namely, that as fairly well-read as I am, I had never read Heinlein.

Yes, I know. I told you I wasn’t real proud of it.

Donn, being the generous soul that he is, promptly gave me a spare copy of Glory Road, and I devoured it in about three hours. Methinks that rather soon, more works of R.A.H. shall grace my bookshelves.

And while we’re on the subject of memery, Xtine also tagged me with the Seven Weird Book Facts meme, which requires that I share seven weird book facts about myself, then tag seven others.

Well, I’ll forego the tagging of others, but assuming that my Heinlein deficiency is the first weird AD book fact, here are six others:

2. I read the entire Encyclopedia Brittanica by the time I was five years old. Every volume, cover to cover. Other kids in kindergarten were learning to write their names, and I was reading Louis L’Amour novels at naptime. How’s that for geek credentials?

3. I have never considered myself a particularly talented writer. Despite one published book, another on the way, this blog, and numerous columns and articles in minor trade journals, I always considered myself a technical writer, and not terribly creative. I’m a storyteller, not a writer with a capital W. Maybe that’s the secret – I write like I talk. Sometimes paying attention to the conventions of writing can cramp your style.

4. I read about 100-120 pages an hour, and retain most of what I read. I read War and Peace in sixteen straight hours in high school, and then aced an essay test on it the next day.

That’s sixteen hours of my life I’ll never get back. Between Anna Karenina and Theodore Dreiser’s An American Tragedy, I figure I wasted a forty hour work week that could have otherwise been put to good use enjoying Heinlein. Curse you, Mr. Halbrook and your elitist “science fiction is literary junk food for the proletariat” attitude. Curse your very soul.

5. I dig military fiction. Tom Clancy and W.E.B Griffin are favorites. Clancy has a gift for intricate plotting and exhaustive research, while Griffin may be a bit expansive, but he’s a genius at dialogue. The interplay between his characters just…flows. It reads like real conversation.

6. Most paramedic textbooks are written at a 10th grade reading level. Most EMT textbooks are written somewhere around the 8th grade level. Scary, ain’t it?

Which of course explains why I’ve never written a paramedic textbook. I’d gouge my eyes out before dumbing down the content to fit Bubba Brainless and his dubba-digit vocabalerry.

Don’t blame the students, though. They’re simply the products of the current US educational system. CrankyProf gets the same turds in her college literature courses.

7. I once turned down a $40k a year job on an offshore oil rig because there was no way the helicopter could haul enough books to keep me occupied for a 28 day stretch. Keep in mind this was 15 years ago when e-books weren’t an option, and a $40k paramedic salary was really something.

Okay, that’s two memes knocked out with one stone. Tag yourself if you’d like, and tell me where to read…

Maybe it’s just because I’m a twisted EMS type, but I was giggling like a fiend reading my brother from another mother JB’s scholarly treatise on…well, see for yourself.

On other fronts, have patience, folks. I promise worthwhile posting shall resume shortly. First I have to write a Top Ten List that quite frankly has me utterly blocked.

If any of you have ideas of the perfect subject for a Top Ten List that suits my twisted humor and sarcastic bent, I’m all ears.

Yesterday, on Saturday, 22 of November in the Year of Our Lord 2008…

…Sarah Brady died a little inside.

Pardon the crapitude of my cell phone camera, but clockwise from the top, that’s a Yildiz 12 gauge over/under in 3 inch magnum with screw in choke tubes, Bushmaster AR15 with 30 round mag, Heritage Arms Rough Rider .22 LR single action revolver with interchangeable .22 Magnum cylinder, and Glock 17 with Blackhawk Serpa holster.

Never send an Ambulance Driver with a flush checking account to the gun store, kiddies.

Now all I need are some more good AR 15 and Glock magazines.

As of yet, I’m still not feeling that uncontrollable blood lust that supposedly comes with buying so many weapons at once.

I’ll keep you posted, though.

Guess where I am right now, on the eve of the 45th anniversary of JFK’s assassination?

Staying in the very hotel suite he stayed in the day before he was assassinated, that’s where.

Now how cool is that?

Since I am important influential world-renowned lucky enough to have really cool friends, I get to spend the next four nights of the Texas EMS Conference surrounded by living history.

Score!

A pic of the sitting room, taken with my shitty cell phone camera:

The master bedroom:

The smaller bedroom:

The bathtub in the smaller bedroom, as seen from the shower/sauna:

*sigh*

It’s gonna be a hardship staying here for the next few days, but I suppose I shall endure…

…before I post anything new.

I’m working on polishing my lectures for the Texas EMS Conference, and editing final page proofs for the re-release of the book by Kaplan Publishing.

While you’re waiting for something new from me, why not browse the archives and suggest which stories might be worthy material for a new book? This one would be comprised mainly of my blog posts. My Greatest Hits on the left sidebar might be the logical place to start, but there are a lot more stories than the ones listed there. If you have a favorite, chime in on comments!

…is more cowbell.

H/T to Bryan, the Hill Country Blogger.

…for the sacrifices you’ve made in preserving the freedoms of the citizens of this nation, and indeed of many free nations.

Politicians may use you as tools, and citizens may often take you for granted, but the fact remains that American servicemen have bought the liberty of untold millions of free people the world over…

…and paid the price in their own blood.

And this citizen is eternally grateful.

…then I am Joe Biden and TOTWTYTR is Neil Kinnock.

After countless smartassed lines I’ve stolen from my partner in crime, he finally had the good sense to copyright one.

Bastard.

Seriously though, this tee shirt is even more relevant now that the Obamessiah has risen.

Get it here.

And if any of you have ever wanted your very own DNR tee shirt, you can get them here as well.

…Boob, Injuries and Dr. Pepper, I’ve got a guest post on Crystal’s blog.

And now I am afflicted upon exposed to an entire new audience.

And if you don’t read Crystal’s blog, you are missing one of the funniest, and most poignant blogs on the Intarwebz.

Srsly.

I’m going to sing the praises of my employer for a little bit. Since being assimilated by the soulless collective that is The Borg, it was pondered by many of the senior drones whether Ambulance Driver would ever fully become a part of the hive mind.

Much too outspoken and opinionated, you see.

While I may never make the most obedient drone, I have been in this business long enough to recognize excellence when I see it. The Borg may be a profit-driven, greedy corporate behemoth, but it’s the best profit-driven, greedy corporate behemoth I’ve ever encountered. The pay and benefits are good, they give you all the gadgets needed to do your job well, and they take education seriously, and that pays off in some quality EMS care. To wit:

I got an employee memo the other day about our cardiac arrest resuscitation rates.

The Borg has improved its survival rate for cardiac arrest patients from 8.2% in 2005 to 17.9% for the first three quarters of 2008.

For those of you who are interested in such things, The Borg considers “survival” to be survival to hospital discharge, neurologically intact – the only meaningful outcome there is.

That’s pretty damned impressive, considering that The Borg Empire encompasses many thousands of square miles, while only perhaps ten of our areas could be described as major urban centers. Most of our coverage area is rural.

Not bad, my fellow drones. Not bad at all.

…I have a new column up at EMS1.com.

Enjoy.

…for the crotchety old guy with the bad temper who only claims to be a conservative and the gaffe-prone hockey MILF with zero foreign policy experience…

…as opposed to the job-hopper with zero foreign policy experience who only claims not to be a socialist and the gaffe-prone plagiarist whose umpteen years in the Senate have taught him…nothing, apparently.

Make sure you vote today, as well.

That’s not the sort of thing you relish hearing, or saying, at a wreck scene. Nor is picking up all those pieces of meat and deciding what goes in which body bag.

Two wrecks, seven fatalities within a few hours of each other, and nary a one within the sunny side of twenty-one years old. The two that lived, if indeed you can call it that, will be permanently damaged.

Alcohol, speed and stupidity.

And waste. It’s soul-wearying.

*sigh*

That’s another new set of mangled faces deposited in the Nightmare Bank.