Coming To London in 2012….

…for the Games of the XXX Olympiad, I give you the US Men’s Synchronized Micturition Team!

You’ll note that the guy on the left opts for the classic shooter’s pose, weak hand tucked in his pocket with strong hand firmly wrapped around his…well, you know.

I opt for a modified isosceles stance, little finger of the strong hand entwined with the index finger of my weak hand, much like I were gripping my putter. I find this greatly improves my aim, while still allowing adequate range of motion if I want to write my name in the snow with a looser, flowing script.

The guy in the middle – no rookie at redneck lawn watering, that one – likes the Weaver stance. You can tell he and the guy on the left had the same shooting coach, though.

The guy in the hoodie is our team captain, showing off his no-hands technique. He ain’t much for accuracy, but for distance and trajectory, he’s the Michael Phelps of used beer dispensers. While the rest of us were taking warm up shots at selected pebbles and pine cones strewn on the ground in front of us, he was lobbing a steaming stream into a knothole about four feet up that tree you see in front of us. Quite impressive, actually.

His only weakness is that we can’t use him in those first-thing-in-the-morning events. I mean, what use is all that firepower if you just shoot yourself in the chin with it?

And lastly, the guy on the far right, our host. He has a somewhat unorthodox grip, something he claims he learned after inadvertently peeing on a honey badger back home in South Africa.

I asked him to break down the technique for me, but he only replied with a shudder and said, “That’s one you have to learn the hard way, mate. Honey badgers are deadly on snakes, and I’m here to tell you that includes trouser snakes as well. It’s shoot-and-move if you want to survive out in the bush, lad.”

I’ll take his word for it, but I’ll bet it’s damned disconcerting to be the guy standing at the next urinal.

Anyway, that’s us. We’re the early favorites for the Gold Medal, and we haven’t even started serious training yet.

And yeah, we all had a great time at Peter’s. How could we not?