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The Notebook: The Lost Chapter

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You know the sappy novel by Nicholas Sparks about star-crossed lovers that was made into an even sappier chick flick starring Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams?

Yeah well, I got to see the sequel last night. Only in my version, both characters are from the wrong side of the tracks, and the Ryan Gosling character was actually a crack dealer and the Rachel McAdams character was a crack addict Native American (member of the Fydallaho tribe), and they both united for a brief moment of shared passion.

Only Ryan reneged on the agreed-upon price upon discovery that three crack rocks, five bucks and a three-piece white meat box from Church’s Chicken was far too much to pay for cooter that smelled like a decaying codfish and was infested with condyloma. (not work safe or for the weak of stomach).

So Rachel, spurned by her true love, flipped the hell out and proceeded to take her promised payment out of his hide in the form of a world-class ass whipping. That, of course, is where I came in.

But other than that, it was exactly like the movie.

Man, I’m such a sucker for a real love story.

Posted by Ambulance Driver on June 16, 2008 • Filed under: Uncategorized
  • Tracker
    aw, and the lady in the picture was a redhead too, what a shame...
  • Tracker
    aw, and the lady in the picture was a redhead too, what a shame...
  • Drama Mama
    ME hit the nail on the head- There needs to be tons more of STD/HPV education then hopefully there wouldn't be as many pictures like that one! And that one was really sorta mild- I've seen one as large as a soccer ball. Can you imagine walking around with that between your legs? The patient really couldn't do much walkin when it got that big- She died from cervical cancer no doubt!
  • Drama Mama
    ME hit the nail on the head- There needs to be tons more of STD/HPV education then hopefully there wouldn't be as many pictures like that one! And that one was really sorta mild- I've seen one as large as a soccer ball. Can you imagine walking around with that between your legs? The patient really couldn't do much walkin when it got that big- She died from cervical cancer no doubt!
  • Me
    about what they do.< />< />But now...crack dealers and their clientele...they're pretty much on their own.
  • Me
    about what they do.< />< />But now...crack dealers and their clientele...they're pretty much on their own.
  • Me
    one. It does not just magically appear out of nowhere. I'm sorry you found that to be impolite, but ignorance of the means to protect oneself from these troubles is tragic and unnecessary, and to allow such ignorance to continue would be negligent.
  • Me
    one. It does not just magically appear out of nowhere. I'm sorry you found that to be impolite, but ignorance of the means to protect oneself from these troubles is tragic and unnecessary, and to allow such ignorance to continue would be negligent.
  • Rogue Medic
    I thought that only the person in the back could call for a doggie stop.
  • Rogue Medic
    I thought that only the person in the back could call for a doggie stop.
  • Bill Clinton
    < />< />--Bill
  • Bill Clinton
    < />< />--Bill
  • Ambulance Driver
    < />< />Don't make me come back there, because I'll pull this rig right over and do it.< />< />I swear. < />< />Now play nice.
  • Ambulance Driver
    < />< />Don't make me come back there, because I'll pull this rig right over and do it.< />< />I swear. < />< />Now play nice.
  • Rogue Medic
    Anonymous 8:23 PM,< />< />You read something, don't like the message, then accuse the author of something that was not stated. Way to go. You can be my new hero.< />< />The information provided is something that is good to know. Nothing about the post suggested a lack of compassion, but a warning of the possible outcomes of activities we have probably all engaged in at one point.< />< />If the post were similarly phrased, but about shaking hands and the germs that could be acquired by shaking hands, would you have responded similarly? Would you have been critical of the "lack of compassion" that you seem to feel is present?< />< />Are you claiming that the information presented was inaccurate or that you just do not like the method of presentation? < />< />I need to know, because I might post something that chafes your nether bits if you were to read and understand it.
  • Rogue Medic
    Anonymous 8:23 PM,< />< />You read something, don't like the message, then accuse the author of something that was not stated. Way to go. You can be my new hero.< />< />The information provided is something that is good to know. Nothing about the post suggested a lack of compassion, but a warning of the possible outcomes of activities we have probably all engaged in at one point.< />< />If the post were similarly phrased, but about shaking hands and the germs that could be acquired by shaking hands, would you have responded similarly? Would you have been critical of the "lack of compassion" that you seem to feel is present?< />< />Are you claiming that the information presented was inaccurate or that you just do not like the method of presentation? < />< />I need to know, because I might post something that chafes your nether bits if you were to read and understand it.
  • Anonymous
    wow, ME - you seem to have a great deal of disdain for people and their problems. Do you consider yourself a healer? I don't.< />< />Also, you imply that HPV (however haplessly acquired, maybe on the marriage bed?) is the only disorder which would necessitate a colposcopy. Is that what you're saying? I just want to understand, because I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around the idea of "professional compassion" from someone who so gleefully trumpets the comeuppance of others.< />< />So, according to your words, more than likely, YOU have HPV, me. Which variety do YOU have?
  • Anonymous
    wow, ME - you seem to have a great deal of disdain for people and their problems. Do you consider yourself a healer? I don't.< />< />Also, you imply that HPV (however haplessly acquired, maybe on the marriage bed?) is the only disorder which would necessitate a colposcopy. Is that what you're saying? I just want to understand, because I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around the idea of "professional compassion" from someone who so gleefully trumpets the comeuppance of others.< />< />So, according to your words, more than likely, YOU have HPV, me. Which variety do YOU have?
  • born_yesterday
    that's disgusting...but almost sweet
  • born_yesterday
    that's disgusting...but almost sweet
  • Rogue Medic
    Most people stopped asking me what I'm laughing about long ago. :-)
  • Rogue Medic
    Most people stopped asking me what I'm laughing about long ago. :-)
  • Wyatt Earp
    I laughed, I cried, I gave the protagonists a clean syringe!
  • Wyatt Earp
    I laughed, I cried, I gave the protagonists a clean syringe!
  • Gertrude
    Rogue er I mean Rouge we could get you a wig a la Elizabeth Shue. Big problem here? I don't look a thing like Nicholas Cage. I'm gong to have to find a body double. I do like the bashing them on the head like little bunny foo foo idea! We could make a killing! Then retire somewhere where the beer is always cold.< />Now everyone wants to know what I am laughing about.
  • Gertrude
    Rogue er I mean Rouge we could get you a wig a la Elizabeth Shue. Big problem here? I don't look a thing like Nicholas Cage. I'm gong to have to find a body double. I do like the bashing them on the head like little bunny foo foo idea! We could make a killing! Then retire somewhere where the beer is always cold.< />Now everyone wants to know what I am laughing about.
  • Me
    they help. Real sexy and really worth it, huh?< />< />******< />< />And your guy? Hey - you get what you pay for, right?
  • Me
    they help. Real sexy and really worth it, huh?< />< />******< />< />And your guy? Hey - you get what you pay for, right?
  • Lonestar Gal
    Ahhh, the joy and fun of life as a crack ho!< />Do you ever just want to either crack up laughing at these idiots or reach out and bitch-slap them?
  • Lonestar Gal
    Ahhh, the joy and fun of life as a crack ho!< />Do you ever just want to either crack up laughing at these idiots or reach out and bitch-slap them?
  • Will
    LIGHTS! Let there be lots of light in the bedrooms! Don't want something like that to sneak up on you, eh?
  • Will
    LIGHTS! Let there be lots of light in the bedrooms! Don't want something like that to sneak up on you, eh?
  • Evil Lunch Lady
    My eyes are bleeding! Yuck! < />Funny story tho;)
  • Evil Lunch Lady
    My eyes are bleeding! Yuck! < />Funny story tho;)
  • boomvark
    Wow. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little ..
  • boomvark
    Wow. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little ..
  • MacMedic892
    Damn, of all the pictures I didn't need to see, that one takes up 3 of the top 5!< />< />Damn!
  • MacMedic892
    Damn, of all the pictures I didn't need to see, that one takes up 3 of the top 5!< />< />Damn!
  • phlegmfatale
    Oddly enough, that photo sums up my own view of the unctuously romantic tripe which Sparks spools out with such ease. But I had tucked that opinion into the darkest recesses of my psyche and had hoped never to be reminded of it again. < />< />Yuck.
  • phlegmfatale
    Oddly enough, that photo sums up my own view of the unctuously romantic tripe which Sparks spools out with such ease. But I had tucked that opinion into the darkest recesses of my psyche and had hoped never to be reminded of it again. < />< />Yuck.
  • EE
    Ah, man.
  • EE
    Ah, man.
  • Rogue Medic
    . It sounds as if I would be playing the Elisabeth Shue role. Although she and I are almost twins, I really don't have the hair to make it work.
  • Rogue Medic
    . It sounds as if I would be playing the Elisabeth Shue role. Although she and I are almost twins, I really don't have the hair to make it work.
  • Don Gwinn
    That actually sounds a lot better than the movie. I never saw the movie, but I believe people'd pay a dollar to watch a crack whore beat a drug dealer. < />< />Maybe Whitney Houston vs. Rush Limbaugh.
  • Don Gwinn
    That actually sounds a lot better than the movie. I never saw the movie, but I believe people'd pay a dollar to watch a crack whore beat a drug dealer. < />< />Maybe Whitney Houston vs. Rush Limbaugh.
  • Beaker
    Thanks for teaching me things I never wanted to know. (I was foolish and looked up condyloma in wikipedia.)
  • Beaker
    Thanks for teaching me things I never wanted to know. (I was foolish and looked up condyloma in wikipedia.)
  • Snigglefrits
    That picture would suffice as great birth control I do believe.< />< />Gads. I'm not sure brain bleach will touch that one.
  • Snigglefrits
    That picture would suffice as great birth control I do believe.< />< />Gads. I'm not sure brain bleach will touch that one.
  • Epijunky
    Next time I'll heed your warnings before clicking on any links.< />< />Wow. That's... absolutely beyond disgusting.
  • Epijunky
    Next time I'll heed your warnings before clicking on any links.< />< />Wow. That's... absolutely beyond disgusting.
  • Kate
    eww.< />< />yuck.
  • Kate
    eww.< />< />yuck.
  • Gertrude
    Oh I forgot. With a name like Rogue I'm sure you could fetch a pretty penny the open market. It is very mysterious.
  • Gertrude
    Oh I forgot. With a name like Rogue I'm sure you could fetch a pretty penny the open market. It is very mysterious.
  • Gertrude
    Doesn't a good love story just touch your heart? How sweet that she bewtowed a few love taps so that you could witness their devotion.
  • Gertrude
    Doesn't a good love story just touch your heart? How sweet that she bewtowed a few love taps so that you could witness their devotion.
  • Rogue Medic
    Obviously, I missed the book and the movie only because I am way too classy for that. That is one of the nice things of chemical enhancement, it helps to let all of the emotions out. Nothing held back, not tender partings, no peck on the cheek (any cheek), it's all or nothing.< />< />What I would give to be able to live like that. Free. No regrets. No worries.< />< />Well, living as a crack ho is a bit too much of a price for me, especially considering how little I'm likely to get on the open market. Eek!< />< />Ah, well. I can dream. :-)
  • Rogue Medic
    Obviously, I missed the book and the movie only because I am way too classy for that. That is one of the nice things of chemical enhancement, it helps to let all of the emotions out. Nothing held back, not tender partings, no peck on the cheek (any cheek), it's all or nothing.< />< />What I would give to be able to live like that. Free. No regrets. No worries.< />< />Well, living as a crack ho is a bit too much of a price for me, especially considering how little I'm likely to get on the open market. Eek!< />< />Ah, well. I can dream. :-)
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