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They Say It Isn’t If You Lay One Down…

182 comments

…but when.

Monday, June 23, 2008, 5:45 pm, I joined the fraternity of riders who have unwillingly sacrificed hide to the Asphalt Gods.

I laid my bike down.

Relax, folks. I’m okay, other than missing a couple dozen square inches of dermis. All I can say is, thank God for dressing for the crash, and not the ride. My armored riding jacket saved me some serious boo boos. If my chaps had been on my body rather than back-ordered, I might have escaped unscathed. As it is, all I have is a semi-nasty case of road rash on my right forearm, thigh and calf, and a serious case of Pink Leg (that’s where ordinary, everyday Red Ass has spread to adjacent parts).

I went into work early the other day, with the intention of dropping by one of the nursing homes to pick up some paperwork I had forgotten from an earlier shift. I dropped off my gear at the station, told my relief I’d be back in an hour, and hopped back on my bike for the 15 minute jaunt down the interstate to Decubitus Manor to pick up the aforementioned forms.

I was coming out of a pretty tight turn on the interstate on-ramp, accelerating fairly hard, when I caught a flash of something; a spot on the pavement, perhaps bathtub-sized, and coated with a layer of pale road construction dust. I saw it early enough to register, and cringe inwardly at what it probably was, but not early enough to keep from running right through it in the middle of a tight, accelerating turn.

It was right about then that, as LawDog would put it, things began to get “Biblically pear-shaped.”

I felt the rear tire lose traction and slide around to my left, and thought, “Hmmm, this might be problematic.”

Got off the throttle, shifted my weight, and succeeded in getting the bike back under me and in some semblance of control, only to discover that I was headed straight for a six inch curb at 35 mph, with no hope of avoiding said curb. It was either hit it and get launched head first into interstate traffic, or lay the bike down.

I chose Option B, and commenced my version of the street luge, sans luge, of course. My asshole broke suction with the seat with an audible “pop”, my bike skittered down the pavement, bounced off the curb and came to rest in the middle of the on ramp, and I followed somewhat less gracefully behind, trying desperately to keep my feet in front of me and cursing like a sailor.

I got up and walked over to my bike, picked it up and rolled it out of the road. Aside from a few gouges on the end of the right handlebar and brake lever, a broken right mirror mount and bent right foot peg, and a scuffed saddlebag, it was unscathed. Even started right up and ran fine.

I however, was not so unscathed. Once my pride had recovered, I dug my cell phone out of my pocket, called our field operations stuporvisor, and told him what happened. I declined his kind offer to send one of our ambulances to my location, and told him I’d likely be an hour or so late to work after I rode home and changed into some new uniform pants.

Got the bike home, pounded the foot peg back into place with a hammer (looking none the worse for wear, thankfully), tucked the broken mirror into my saddlebag, and changed pants. Aside from an epic bruise and a few palm-sized abrasions (I’d post pics, but you ladies are not ready to see the hotness of my tanned and muscled thighs), and being sore as hell, I’m fine.

A dose of JB Weld this morning, and the mirror mount was fine, too – at least until I can order a replacement. Considering that the battery on this bike cost $169, I’m betting that a new mirror mount/right brake lever assembly will set me back about a hojillion or so.

Before any of you ask, no, it’s not gonna convince me to stop riding, no more than a negligent discharge would convince me to stop shooting. It will induce me to be a little more wary of hidden road dangers, though. I figure that’s a good thing.

A few well placed hammer whacks to a bent foot peg: No charge.

Tube of JB Weld to repair broken mirror mount: $4.99

Hard won experience, at the expense of little more than wounded pride: Priceless.

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Posted by on June 29, 2008 • Filed under: Uncategorized
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  • ParaCynic

    Glad you’re ok.Laying down the bike is just part of the game, climb back on.However, I think people who have negligent discharges SHOULD stop handling weapons.

  • ParaCynic

    Glad you’re ok.Laying down the bike is just part of the game, climb back on.However, I think people who have negligent discharges SHOULD stop handling weapons.

  • ParaCynic

    Glad you’re ok.Laying down the bike is just part of the game, climb back on.However, I think people who have negligent discharges SHOULD stop handling weapons.

  • ParaCynic

    Glad you’re ok.Laying down the bike is just part of the game, climb back on.However, I think people who have negligent discharges SHOULD stop handling weapons.

  • DirtCrashr

    At least you weren’t on a GSXR twisting the throttle and hitting the cam – so you didn’t highside and get flicked into traffic. Antifreeze is gnarly slick stuff, but the part I always hated about asphalt surfing wasn’t the skid as much as the sudden impact. What I really liked about my XR650L was that a 6-inch curb wouldn’t have mattered as much since I had the suspension to take it. Good ridin’ in the future and keep the rubber side down!

  • DirtCrashr

    At least you weren’t on a GSXR twisting the throttle and hitting the cam – so you didn’t highside and get flicked into traffic. Antifreeze is gnarly slick stuff, but the part I always hated about asphalt surfing wasn’t the skid as much as the sudden impact. What I really liked about my XR650L was that a 6-inch curb wouldn’t have mattered as much since I had the suspension to take it. Good ridin’ in the future and keep the rubber side down!

  • DirtCrashr

    At least you weren’t on a GSXR twisting the throttle and hitting the cam – so you didn’t highside and get flicked into traffic. Antifreeze is gnarly slick stuff, but the part I always hated about asphalt surfing wasn’t the skid as much as the sudden impact. What I really liked about my XR650L was that a 6-inch curb wouldn’t have mattered as much since I had the suspension to take it. Good ridin’ in the future and keep the rubber side down!

  • DirtCrashr

    At least you weren’t on a GSXR twisting the throttle and hitting the cam – so you didn’t highside and get flicked into traffic. Antifreeze is gnarly slick stuff, but the part I always hated about asphalt surfing wasn’t the skid as much as the sudden impact. What I really liked about my XR650L was that a 6-inch curb wouldn’t have mattered as much since I had the suspension to take it. Good ridin’ in the future and keep the rubber side down!

  • Larry

    Welcome to the club AD. BTDT, got the scarred up leathers.And a pretty pink ticket because, silly law abiding me, I called in to report the accident and the trooper “saw blood” so he “had to” write the ticket. The fact it was my blood didn’t move him a bit.I’ll bet I won’t do it again.

  • Larry

    Welcome to the club AD. BTDT, got the scarred up leathers.And a pretty pink ticket because, silly law abiding me, I called in to report the accident and the trooper “saw blood” so he “had to” write the ticket. The fact it was my blood didn’t move him a bit.I’ll bet I won’t do it again.

  • Larry

    Welcome to the club AD. BTDT, got the scarred up leathers.And a pretty pink ticket because, silly law abiding me, I called in to report the accident and the trooper “saw blood” so he “had to” write the ticket. The fact it was my blood didn’t move him a bit.I’ll bet I won’t do it again.

  • Larry

    Welcome to the club AD. BTDT, got the scarred up leathers.And a pretty pink ticket because, silly law abiding me, I called in to report the accident and the trooper “saw blood” so he “had to” write the ticket. The fact it was my blood didn’t move him a bit.I’ll bet I won’t do it again.

  • DirtCrashr

    The dilemma of a banked, curving, onramp – in which track do you position the bike? The middle is the grease-line, but if you’re on the outside line the centrifugal forces allows liquid waste from other vehicles to spray out, and then the banking allows it to dribble back. The inside line is where everything collects – it’s all bad but I’d hug the outside because I can keep the bike more upright throughout.On my FZ600 I once took an off-ramp on the other side of Stockton heading to the Sierras, – Farmington Road/Hwy 4? – onto nasty old Hwy 99. We were only going about a mile before turning off onto 120…But it was one of those OLD ramps with a real tight radius built in the 40′s for a Model-T or some damn thing, and with a real short merging run. Tight.What’s that smell? On each side and throughout the middle it was covered in squished tomatoes that had fallen off big trucks – and the “infield” was filled with tomatoes too. There was nowhere clean and the only thing to do was hold a gentle throttle, and click it up a gear high so the throttle mattered less. But the big trucks hurtling down Hwy 99 bouncing out tomatoes gave no quarter. Merging, you had to downshift to get into the powerband and accelerate – and hope the rear tire wouldn’t spin when you got back on the throttle. Phew, I was on tip-toes the whole way! :-) The Sierras were magnificent though.

  • DirtCrashr

    The dilemma of a banked, curving, onramp – in which track do you position the bike? The middle is the grease-line, but if you’re on the outside line the centrifugal forces allows liquid waste from other vehicles to spray out, and then the banking allows it to dribble back. The inside line is where everything collects – it’s all bad but I’d hug the outside because I can keep the bike more upright throughout.On my FZ600 I once took an off-ramp on the other side of Stockton heading to the Sierras, – Farmington Road/Hwy 4? – onto nasty old Hwy 99. We were only going about a mile before turning off onto 120…But it was one of those OLD ramps with a real tight radius built in the 40′s for a Model-T or some damn thing, and with a real short merging run. Tight.What’s that smell? On each side and throughout the middle it was covered in squished tomatoes that had fallen off big trucks – and the “infield” was filled with tomatoes too. There was nowhere clean and the only thing to do was hold a gentle throttle, and click it up a gear high so the throttle mattered less. But the big trucks hurtling down Hwy 99 bouncing out tomatoes gave no quarter. Merging, you had to downshift to get into the powerband and accelerate – and hope the rear tire wouldn’t spin when you got back on the throttle. Phew, I was on tip-toes the whole way! :-) The Sierras were magnificent though.

  • DirtCrashr

    The dilemma of a banked, curving, onramp – in which track do you position the bike? The middle is the grease-line, but if you’re on the outside line the centrifugal forces allows liquid waste from other vehicles to spray out, and then the banking allows it to dribble back. The inside line is where everything collects – it’s all bad but I’d hug the outside because I can keep the bike more upright throughout.On my FZ600 I once took an off-ramp on the other side of Stockton heading to the Sierras, – Farmington Road/Hwy 4? – onto nasty old Hwy 99. We were only going about a mile before turning off onto 120…But it was one of those OLD ramps with a real tight radius built in the 40′s for a Model-T or some damn thing, and with a real short merging run. Tight.What’s that smell? On each side and throughout the middle it was covered in squished tomatoes that had fallen off big trucks – and the “infield” was filled with tomatoes too. There was nowhere clean and the only thing to do was hold a gentle throttle, and click it up a gear high so the throttle mattered less. But the big trucks hurtling down Hwy 99 bouncing out tomatoes gave no quarter. Merging, you had to downshift to get into the powerband and accelerate – and hope the rear tire wouldn’t spin when you got back on the throttle. Phew, I was on tip-toes the whole way! :-) The Sierras were magnificent though.

  • DirtCrashr

    The dilemma of a banked, curving, onramp – in which track do you position the bike? The middle is the grease-line, but if you’re on the outside line the centrifugal forces allows liquid waste from other vehicles to spray out, and then the banking allows it to dribble back. The inside line is where everything collects – it’s all bad but I’d hug the outside because I can keep the bike more upright throughout.On my FZ600 I once took an off-ramp on the other side of Stockton heading to the Sierras, – Farmington Road/Hwy 4? – onto nasty old Hwy 99. We were only going about a mile before turning off onto 120…But it was one of those OLD ramps with a real tight radius built in the 40′s for a Model-T or some damn thing, and with a real short merging run. Tight.What’s that smell? On each side and throughout the middle it was covered in squished tomatoes that had fallen off big trucks – and the “infield” was filled with tomatoes too. There was nowhere clean and the only thing to do was hold a gentle throttle, and click it up a gear high so the throttle mattered less. But the big trucks hurtling down Hwy 99 bouncing out tomatoes gave no quarter. Merging, you had to downshift to get into the powerband and accelerate – and hope the rear tire wouldn’t spin when you got back on the throttle. Phew, I was on tip-toes the whole way! :-) The Sierras were magnificent though.

  • overactive-imagination

    Holy shit. Glad you’re okay AD.

  • overactive-imagination

    Holy shit. Glad you’re okay AD.

  • overactive-imagination

    Holy shit. Glad you’re okay AD.

  • overactive-imagination

    Holy shit. Glad you’re okay AD.

  • And

    Had my own slide earlier this year trying to ride a bent rear rim into the shop. Tried to ride the front brake, was forced to use the rear, and the imbalance wiped me out. Just one note. I learned from my riding manual that in a rear wheel slide, it is best to countersteer into the slide and maintain steady throttle. Countersteering through the bars is more effective than simple weight shifting.

  • And

    Had my own slide earlier this year trying to ride a bent rear rim into the shop. Tried to ride the front brake, was forced to use the rear, and the imbalance wiped me out. Just one note. I learned from my riding manual that in a rear wheel slide, it is best to countersteer into the slide and maintain steady throttle. Countersteering through the bars is more effective than simple weight shifting.

  • And

    Had my own slide earlier this year trying to ride a bent rear rim into the shop. Tried to ride the front brake, was forced to use the rear, and the imbalance wiped me out. Just one note. I learned from my riding manual that in a rear wheel slide, it is best to countersteer into the slide and maintain steady throttle. Countersteering through the bars is more effective than simple weight shifting.

  • And

    Had my own slide earlier this year trying to ride a bent rear rim into the shop. Tried to ride the front brake, was forced to use the rear, and the imbalance wiped me out. Just one note. I learned from my riding manual that in a rear wheel slide, it is best to countersteer into the slide and maintain steady throttle. Countersteering through the bars is more effective than simple weight shifting.

  • Dedicated_Dad

    Glad to hear you’re OK.Not if, WHEN.Take the MC class if it’s available — I’m telling you, even after >100k miles on 2 wheels I learned some things. The “advanced” class was even better, but the basic/safety class is still well worth the time and cost.DD

  • Dedicated_Dad

    Glad to hear you’re OK.Not if, WHEN.Take the MC class if it’s available — I’m telling you, even after >100k miles on 2 wheels I learned some things. The “advanced” class was even better, but the basic/safety class is still well worth the time and cost.DD

  • Dedicated_Dad

    Glad to hear you’re OK.Not if, WHEN.Take the MC class if it’s available — I’m telling you, even after >100k miles on 2 wheels I learned some things. The “advanced” class was even better, but the basic/safety class is still well worth the time and cost.DD

  • Dedicated_Dad

    Glad to hear you’re OK.Not if, WHEN.Take the MC class if it’s available — I’m telling you, even after >100k miles on 2 wheels I learned some things. The “advanced” class was even better, but the basic/safety class is still well worth the time and cost.DD

  • Ross

    Oh, man. Welcome to the fraternity of Lugeless Pavement Racers, AD. Sorry to hear about it. :-(

  • Ross

    Oh, man. Welcome to the fraternity of Lugeless Pavement Racers, AD. Sorry to hear about it. :-(

  • Ross

    Oh, man. Welcome to the fraternity of Lugeless Pavement Racers, AD. Sorry to hear about it. :-(

  • Ross

    Oh, man. Welcome to the fraternity of Lugeless Pavement Racers, AD. Sorry to hear about it. :-(

  • CountyRat

    Glad you are still ambulating ad lib. Remember, experience is the best teacher only when someone else has the experience.

  • CountyRat

    Glad you are still ambulating ad lib. Remember, experience is the best teacher only when someone else has the experience.

  • CountyRat

    Glad you are still ambulating ad lib. Remember, experience is the best teacher only when someone else has the experience.

  • CountyRat

    Glad you are still ambulating ad lib. Remember, experience is the best teacher only when someone else has the experience.

  • chris in se tx

    I can’t believe I had to read all the way down before you’ve told us how the bike was!!!!! Don’t you know a REAL biker tells about the bike’s condition BEFORE his injuries??Seriously, glad to hear you’re OK and that you did not reconsider riding. Any idea what you slid on? Oil, or was it just dust?Oh, almost forgot:DID YOU WEAR CLEAN UNDERWEAR? (before the accident. You did mention having to change pants, so we know what happened during. “first you say it, then you do it”)

  • chris in se tx

    I can’t believe I had to read all the way down before you’ve told us how the bike was!!!!! Don’t you know a REAL biker tells about the bike’s condition BEFORE his injuries??Seriously, glad to hear you’re OK and that you did not reconsider riding. Any idea what you slid on? Oil, or was it just dust?Oh, almost forgot:DID YOU WEAR CLEAN UNDERWEAR? (before the accident. You did mention having to change pants, so we know what happened during. “first you say it, then you do it”)

  • chris in se tx

    I can’t believe I had to read all the way down before you’ve told us how the bike was!!!!! Don’t you know a REAL biker tells about the bike’s condition BEFORE his injuries??Seriously, glad to hear you’re OK and that you did not reconsider riding. Any idea what you slid on? Oil, or was it just dust?Oh, almost forgot:DID YOU WEAR CLEAN UNDERWEAR? (before the accident. You did mention having to change pants, so we know what happened during. “first you say it, then you do it”)

  • chris in se tx

    I can’t believe I had to read all the way down before you’ve told us how the bike was!!!!! Don’t you know a REAL biker tells about the bike’s condition BEFORE his injuries??Seriously, glad to hear you’re OK and that you did not reconsider riding. Any idea what you slid on? Oil, or was it just dust?Oh, almost forgot:DID YOU WEAR CLEAN UNDERWEAR? (before the accident. You did mention having to change pants, so we know what happened during. “first you say it, then you do it”)

  • Forlorn Boater

    Glad to hear that you were not seriously injured. Be careful out there, man.

  • Forlorn Boater

    Glad to hear that you were not seriously injured. Be careful out there, man.

  • Forlorn Boater

    Glad to hear that you were not seriously injured. Be careful out there, man.

  • Forlorn Boater

    Glad to hear that you were not seriously injured. Be careful out there, man.

  • Wyatt Earp

    Jesus, you’re a lucky man, A.D. Glad you came through it okay.

  • Wyatt Earp

    Jesus, you’re a lucky man, A.D. Glad you came through it okay.

  • Wyatt Earp

    Jesus, you’re a lucky man, A.D. Glad you came through it okay.

  • Wyatt Earp

    Jesus, you’re a lucky man, A.D. Glad you came through it okay.

  • BSMonitor

    Glad to hear your OK AD. Did it myself, only on a straight road. piled 2 feet high with mud at a tank crossing. Mud, brakes, SLAM! More funny than painful though. Covered in Texas clay.

  • BSMonitor

    Glad to hear your OK AD. Did it myself, only on a straight road. piled 2 feet high with mud at a tank crossing. Mud, brakes, SLAM! More funny than painful though. Covered in Texas clay.

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