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The Notebook: The Lost Chapter

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You know the sappy novel by Nicholas Sparks about star-crossed lovers that was made into an even sappier chick flick starring Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams?

Yeah well, I got to see the sequel last night. Only in my version, both characters are from the wrong side of the tracks, and the Ryan Gosling character was actually a crack dealer and the Rachel McAdams character was a crack addict Native American (member of the Fydallaho tribe), and they both united for a brief moment of shared passion.

Only Ryan reneged on the agreed-upon price upon discovery that three crack rocks, five bucks and a three-piece white meat box from Church’s Chicken was far too much to pay for cooter that smelled like a decaying codfish and was infested with condyloma. (not work safe or for the weak of stomach).

So Rachel, spurned by her true love, flipped the hell out and proceeded to take her promised payment out of his hide in the form of a world-class ass whipping. That, of course, is where I came in.

But other than that, it was exactly like the movie.

Man, I’m such a sucker for a real love story.

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Posted by on June 16, 2008 • Filed under: Uncategorized
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  • boomvark

    Wow. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little ..

  • boomvark

    Wow. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little ..

  • Evil Lunch Lady

    My eyes are bleeding! Yuck! Funny story tho;)

  • Evil Lunch Lady

    My eyes are bleeding! Yuck! Funny story tho;)

  • Evil Lunch Lady

    My eyes are bleeding! Yuck! Funny story tho;)

  • Evil Lunch Lady

    My eyes are bleeding! Yuck! Funny story tho;)

  • Will

    LIGHTS! Let there be lots of light in the bedrooms! Don’t want something like that to sneak up on you, eh?

  • Will

    LIGHTS! Let there be lots of light in the bedrooms! Don’t want something like that to sneak up on you, eh?

  • Will

    LIGHTS! Let there be lots of light in the bedrooms! Don’t want something like that to sneak up on you, eh?

  • Will

    LIGHTS! Let there be lots of light in the bedrooms! Don’t want something like that to sneak up on you, eh?

  • Lonestar Gal

    Ahhh, the joy and fun of life as a crack ho!Do you ever just want to either crack up laughing at these idiots or reach out and bitch-slap them?

  • Lonestar Gal

    Ahhh, the joy and fun of life as a crack ho!Do you ever just want to either crack up laughing at these idiots or reach out and bitch-slap them?

  • Lonestar Gal

    Ahhh, the joy and fun of life as a crack ho!Do you ever just want to either crack up laughing at these idiots or reach out and bitch-slap them?

  • Lonestar Gal

    Ahhh, the joy and fun of life as a crack ho!Do you ever just want to either crack up laughing at these idiots or reach out and bitch-slap them?

  • Me

    Alright…*cracks knuckles*…between the ER and the public health and the years spent assisting a gynecologist…Now that your public is completely grossed out, this would be the perfect opportunity for you to educate them about the reality of the HPV infection that causes condyloma (although that hardly falls under the auspices of <>emergency<> medicine), not the least of which is that if they’ve ever had sex, and they or their partner has ever had another partner in their lifetimes, they <>probably already have, or have had, that bug themselves<>….It’s just a crapshoot as to which strain(s) of HPV you get, but studies linked by the < HREF="http://www.cdc.gov/STD/HPV/" REL="nofollow"> CDC report<> that 74% of the sexually active population has been infected at some point(some strains go away after a couple years, some don’t). If you’re a guy, <>if<> you have symptoms, you mainly have to deal with some painless growths on you and maybe some podophyllin or trichloracetic acid to burn them off. But a woman gets to go through abnormal paps, cervical biopsies where they punch out a little piece of your cervix while you’re awake (colposcopy) or score out a cone-shaped section under anesthesia (cone biopsy)…only to have them come back with “HPV changes” and to have those wart treatments done <>internally<> (seen it done, seen the grimaces, it doesn’t look to be much fun)and perhaps to have her cervix <>frozen<> with nitrous oxide until a little frost ball appears on it (cryotherapy). All that because of somebody you had sex with at some point in life. Condoms <>might<> help you, but the jury’s still out on how <>much<> they help. Real sexy and really worth it, huh?******And your guy? Hey – you get what you pay for, right?

  • Me

    Alright…*cracks knuckles*…between the ER and the public health and the years spent assisting a gynecologist…Now that your public is completely grossed out, this would be the perfect opportunity for you to educate them about the reality of the HPV infection that causes condyloma (although that hardly falls under the auspices of <>emergency<> medicine), not the least of which is that if they’ve ever had sex, and they or their partner has ever had another partner in their lifetimes, they <>probably already have, or have had, that bug themselves<>….It’s just a crapshoot as to which strain(s) of HPV you get, but studies linked by the < HREF="http://www.cdc.gov/STD/HPV/" REL="nofollow"> CDC report<> that 74% of the sexually active population has been infected at some point(some strains go away after a couple years, some don’t). If you’re a guy, <>if<> you have symptoms, you mainly have to deal with some painless growths on you and maybe some podophyllin or trichloracetic acid to burn them off. But a woman gets to go through abnormal paps, cervical biopsies where they punch out a little piece of your cervix while you’re awake (colposcopy) or score out a cone-shaped section under anesthesia (cone biopsy)…only to have them come back with “HPV changes” and to have those wart treatments done <>internally<> (seen it done, seen the grimaces, it doesn’t look to be much fun)and perhaps to have her cervix <>frozen<> with nitrous oxide until a little frost ball appears on it (cryotherapy). All that because of somebody you had sex with at some point in life. Condoms <>might<> help you, but the jury’s still out on how <>much<> they help. Real sexy and really worth it, huh?******And your guy? Hey – you get what you pay for, right?

  • Me

    they help. Real sexy and really worth it, huh?******And your guy? Hey – you get what you pay for, right?

  • Me

    they help. Real sexy and really worth it, huh?******And your guy? Hey – you get what you pay for, right?

  • Gertrude

    Rogue er I mean Rouge we could get you a wig a la Elizabeth Shue. Big problem here? I don’t look a thing like Nicholas Cage. I’m gong to have to find a body double. I do like the bashing them on the head like little bunny foo foo idea! We could make a killing! Then retire somewhere where the beer is always cold.Now everyone wants to know what I am laughing about.

  • Gertrude

    Rogue er I mean Rouge we could get you a wig a la Elizabeth Shue. Big problem here? I don’t look a thing like Nicholas Cage. I’m gong to have to find a body double. I do like the bashing them on the head like little bunny foo foo idea! We could make a killing! Then retire somewhere where the beer is always cold.Now everyone wants to know what I am laughing about.

  • Gertrude

    Rogue er I mean Rouge we could get you a wig a la Elizabeth Shue. Big problem here? I don’t look a thing like Nicholas Cage. I’m gong to have to find a body double. I do like the bashing them on the head like little bunny foo foo idea! We could make a killing! Then retire somewhere where the beer is always cold.Now everyone wants to know what I am laughing about.

  • Gertrude

    Rogue er I mean Rouge we could get you a wig a la Elizabeth Shue. Big problem here? I don’t look a thing like Nicholas Cage. I’m gong to have to find a body double. I do like the bashing them on the head like little bunny foo foo idea! We could make a killing! Then retire somewhere where the beer is always cold.Now everyone wants to know what I am laughing about.

  • Wyatt Earp

    I laughed, I cried, I gave the protagonists a clean syringe!

  • Wyatt Earp

    I laughed, I cried, I gave the protagonists a clean syringe!

  • Wyatt Earp

    I laughed, I cried, I gave the protagonists a clean syringe!

  • Wyatt Earp

    I laughed, I cried, I gave the protagonists a clean syringe!

  • Rogue Medic

    Most people stopped asking me what I’m laughing about long ago. :-)

  • Rogue Medic

    Most people stopped asking me what I’m laughing about long ago. :-)

  • Rogue Medic

    Most people stopped asking me what I’m laughing about long ago. :-)

  • Rogue Medic

    Most people stopped asking me what I’m laughing about long ago. :-)

  • born_yesterday

    that’s disgusting…but almost sweet

  • born_yesterday

    that’s disgusting…but almost sweet

  • born_yesterday

    that’s disgusting…but almost sweet

  • born_yesterday

    that’s disgusting…but almost sweet

  • Anonymous

    wow, ME – you seem to have a great deal of disdain for people and their problems. Do you consider yourself a healer? I don’t.Also, you imply that HPV (however haplessly acquired, maybe on the marriage bed?) is the only disorder which would necessitate a colposcopy. Is that what you’re saying? I just want to understand, because I’m having a hard time wrapping my brain around the idea of “professional compassion” from someone who so gleefully trumpets the comeuppance of others.So, according to your words, more than likely, YOU have HPV, me. Which variety do YOU have?

  • Anonymous

    wow, ME – you seem to have a great deal of disdain for people and their problems. Do you consider yourself a healer? I don’t.Also, you imply that HPV (however haplessly acquired, maybe on the marriage bed?) is the only disorder which would necessitate a colposcopy. Is that what you’re saying? I just want to understand, because I’m having a hard time wrapping my brain around the idea of “professional compassion” from someone who so gleefully trumpets the comeuppance of others.So, according to your words, more than likely, YOU have HPV, me. Which variety do YOU have?

  • Anonymous

    wow, ME – you seem to have a great deal of disdain for people and their problems. Do you consider yourself a healer? I don’t.Also, you imply that HPV (however haplessly acquired, maybe on the marriage bed?) is the only disorder which would necessitate a colposcopy. Is that what you’re saying? I just want to understand, because I’m having a hard time wrapping my brain around the idea of “professional compassion” from someone who so gleefully trumpets the comeuppance of others.So, according to your words, more than likely, YOU have HPV, me. Which variety do YOU have?

  • Anonymous

    wow, ME – you seem to have a great deal of disdain for people and their problems. Do you consider yourself a healer? I don’t.Also, you imply that HPV (however haplessly acquired, maybe on the marriage bed?) is the only disorder which would necessitate a colposcopy. Is that what you’re saying? I just want to understand, because I’m having a hard time wrapping my brain around the idea of “professional compassion” from someone who so gleefully trumpets the comeuppance of others.So, according to your words, more than likely, YOU have HPV, me. Which variety do YOU have?

  • Rogue Medic

    Anonymous 8:23 PM,You read something, don’t like the message, then accuse the author of something that was not stated. Way to go. You can be my new hero.The information provided is something that is good to know. Nothing about the post suggested a lack of compassion, but a warning of the possible outcomes of activities we have probably all engaged in at one point.If the post were similarly phrased, but about shaking hands and the germs that could be acquired by shaking hands, would you have responded similarly? Would you have been critical of the “lack of compassion” that you seem to feel is present?Are you claiming that the information presented was inaccurate or that you just do not like the method of presentation? I need to know, because I might post something that chafes your nether bits if you were to read and understand it.

  • Rogue Medic

    Anonymous 8:23 PM,You read something, don’t like the message, then accuse the author of something that was not stated. Way to go. You can be my new hero.The information provided is something that is good to know. Nothing about the post suggested a lack of compassion, but a warning of the possible outcomes of activities we have probably all engaged in at one point.If the post were similarly phrased, but about shaking hands and the germs that could be acquired by shaking hands, would you have responded similarly? Would you have been critical of the “lack of compassion” that you seem to feel is present?Are you claiming that the information presented was inaccurate or that you just do not like the method of presentation? I need to know, because I might post something that chafes your nether bits if you were to read and understand it.

  • Rogue Medic

    Anonymous 8:23 PM,You read something, don’t like the message, then accuse the author of something that was not stated. Way to go. You can be my new hero.The information provided is something that is good to know. Nothing about the post suggested a lack of compassion, but a warning of the possible outcomes of activities we have probably all engaged in at one point.If the post were similarly phrased, but about shaking hands and the germs that could be acquired by shaking hands, would you have responded similarly? Would you have been critical of the “lack of compassion” that you seem to feel is present?Are you claiming that the information presented was inaccurate or that you just do not like the method of presentation? I need to know, because I might post something that chafes your nether bits if you were to read and understand it.

  • Rogue Medic

    Anonymous 8:23 PM,You read something, don’t like the message, then accuse the author of something that was not stated. Way to go. You can be my new hero.The information provided is something that is good to know. Nothing about the post suggested a lack of compassion, but a warning of the possible outcomes of activities we have probably all engaged in at one point.If the post were similarly phrased, but about shaking hands and the germs that could be acquired by shaking hands, would you have responded similarly? Would you have been critical of the “lack of compassion” that you seem to feel is present?Are you claiming that the information presented was inaccurate or that you just do not like the method of presentation? I need to know, because I might post something that chafes your nether bits if you were to read and understand it.

  • Ambulance Driver

    Okay folks, no pissing matches in my comments. Disagree, debate and argue all you want, that’s what they’re here for.<>But no ad hominem attacks, especially the anonymous variety. <>Don’t make me come back there, because I’ll pull this rig right over and do it.I swear. Now play nice.

  • Ambulance Driver

    Okay folks, no pissing matches in my comments. Disagree, debate and argue all you want, that’s what they’re here for.<>But no ad hominem attacks, especially the anonymous variety. <>Don’t make me come back there, because I’ll pull this rig right over and do it.I swear. Now play nice.

  • Ambulance Driver

    Don’t make me come back there, because I’ll pull this rig right over and do it.I swear. Now play nice.

  • Ambulance Driver

    Don’t make me come back there, because I’ll pull this rig right over and do it.I swear. Now play nice.

  • Bill Clinton

    <><>I’d hit it!<><>–Bill

  • Bill Clinton

    <><>I’d hit it!<><>–Bill

  • Bill Clinton

    –Bill

  • Bill Clinton

    –Bill

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