AD: “Nope.”
NROM: “Me neither. Can you hear what they’re saying?”
AD: “Something along the lines of ‘welcome to the largest, most bestest ambulance company ever, 75% employee-owned, warm, fuzzy, and with our best interests at heart’, I think.”
NROM (snorting): “I’ll bet that’s what The Borg said right before they assimilated a new civilization. You buying any of it?”
AD (shrugging): “Resistance is futile, Dude.”
NROM (waking with a start): “Shit, did I fall asleep? What did I miss, Dude?”
AD: “Something along the lines of ‘welcome to the largest, most bestest ambulance company ever, 75% employee-owned, warm, fuzzy, and with our best interests at heart’, I think.”
NROM: “No really, what were they saying?”
AD: “They’ll buy you three new uniforms every six months, match your 401k contribution at a 4:1 ratio, all the health insurance is free, with no deductible, 10% cost-of-living raises every year, and they’ll give you a pony on your first anniversary with the company.”
NROM: “Shit, no foolin’? That’s pretty good for a – hey, wait a minute…a pony?”
AD (winking): “Or something like that.”
NROM: “You’re not going to tell me what I missed?”
AD: “It’s all in your packet, Dude. Don’t sweat it. They did say they’ll pay us a $25 bounty for ratting out any co-worker who falls asleep in orientation. Thanks for paying my cable bill this month.”
NROM: “Don’t mention it. Wake me up when we’re dismissed.”
NROM (yawning and stretching): “About time. Hey Dude, what’s with the mannequins in the front of the room?”
AD: “I think those are the uniforms.”
NROM: “No way! Even the one on the right?”
AD: “That was the original uniform from the 1970s. Nice fashion statement, ain’t it?”
NROM: “Who the hell designed it, Herb Tarlek?”
AD: “I was thinking maybe Ralph Furley, but that works, too.”
***** after lunch *****
Orientation Coordinator (calling roll): “New Recruit Older Medic?”
NROM: “Yo.”
Orientation Coordinator: “Ambulance Driver?”
AD: “Call me AD. All my friends do.”
NROM (whispering): “Ass kisser.”
OC (haltingly): “Uh…this is a tough one…Gee-ya-co-mo?“
Impossibly Eager Brand Spanking New EMT (hotly): “That’s Jock-a-moe!”
OC (dubiously): “Guacamole?”
IEBSNEMT (gritting his teeth): “Jock. Uh. Moe.”
AD: “Forget it, kid. That’s one nickname that’s gonna stick.”
***** that night *****
NROM: “Shit, don’t tell me this is where we’ll be sleeping.”
AD: “Yeah, it does have kind of a summer camp kind of feel to it, doesn’t it?”
NROM: “I thought they were putting us up in hotel rooms.”
AD: “Well, when you pay $15 million bucks to build a facility, I suppose you want to start using it right away. Look at it this way: everything’s brand new, so no splooge stains on the mattresses. Where you gonna find a hotel that can say that?”
IEBSNEMT (peeking in the door): “Uh, is this Room 117?”
NROM: “Hey, Guacamole! Come on in and meet your new roomies!”
IEBSNEMT (bristling): “My name is Jock-a-”
AD: “Don’t argue with us, Guacamole. We’ve been medics since you were still shitting your namesake. How long have you been an EMT?”
Guacamole: “Thirty-six days.”
"color:rgb(0,0,153);">NROM: “How old are you, kid?”
Guacamole (blushing): “Nineteen.”
NROM: “You thinking what I’m thinking, AD?”
AD: “Yup. We have found our designated driver. Throw your shit on the spare bed, Guacamole, and grab your keys.”
Guacamole: “Where are we going?”
NROM: “To the nearest place that has beer, hot wings, and the Hornets game on television.”
Guacamole (smugly): “I know just the place. There’s a good titty bar right next door.”
AD: “Guacamole, this looks like the start of a beautiful friendship.”
NROM (sleepily): “Then turn around so your feet are at this end of your bed.”
Guacamole: “These damned blankets are thinner than dish towels, damn it! And your feet are touching mine now!”
AD: “Would you rather be playing footsie with him, or smelling his funky feet?”
Guacamole: “I’d rather be in a damned hotel room by myself!”
NROM: “Just go to sleep, kid. You’re gonna need your rest.”
NROM: “What’s that supposed to mean?”
AD: “It means that I sleepwalk, and you may be up all night leading me back to bed. I like to spoon, too, so if I crawl into bed with you, don’t make any sudden moves.”
Guacamole (laughing nervously in the dark): “You guys are just messin’ with me, right?”
AD (grinning evilly): “Good night, Guacamole. Pleasant dreams.”
***** fifteen minutes later *****
Guacamole: “Aaaaaaaaggghhhhh! What the hell was that?”
AD (creeeping stealthily back to bed): “God, I’d forgotten how fun rookies are!”
NROM: “Yep. Good for hours of fun and enjoyment.”
Awww, I love Guacamole! He sounds adorable.I’m so sad no one messed with me. But I’m still new enough–there’s time. And plenty new departments to join haha!
Awww, I love Guacamole! He sounds adorable.I’m so sad no one messed with me. But I’m still new enough–there’s time. And plenty new departments to join haha!
Holy crap….Monday I fell of a boat onto a concrete floor, bruising everything that moves on my body. Now I read this, and I’m laughing so hard I can catalog every single ache all in one go.Bwahahaha… ouch Bwahahahah…ouchOh, and you made coffee spit out of my nose too. Bad ambulance driver.
Holy crap….Monday I fell of a boat onto a concrete floor, bruising everything that moves on my body. Now I read this, and I’m laughing so hard I can catalog every single ache all in one go.Bwahahaha… ouch Bwahahahah…ouchOh, and you made coffee spit out of my nose too. Bad ambulance driver.
Hahahahaha! Evil AD!
Hahahahaha! Evil AD!
That sounds like as typical night in my fire house! I love it AD you’re the best!
That sounds like as typical night in my fire house! I love it AD you’re the best!
I laughed so hard, I woke up my partner! Uh, let me clarify that. He’s in the other room napping on the couch while I read blogs and do email. Is this some sort of new employee boot camp or something? Do you have to salute the FTOs and go push ups? How long is the bullshit? Uh, I mean in depth orientation. Gary
I laughed so hard, I woke up my partner! Uh, let me clarify that. He’s in the other room napping on the couch while I read blogs and do email. Is this some sort of new employee boot camp or something? Do you have to salute the FTOs and go push ups? How long is the bullshit? Uh, I mean in depth orientation. Gary
Awesome!So I must have missed something because I didn’t know you got a fresh job.The Borg. Good.I hate titty bars.
Awesome!So I must have missed something because I didn’t know you got a fresh job.The Borg. Good.I hate titty bars.
Being a medic in your service bears a striking resemblance to prison. Except the titty bars.
Being a medic in your service bears a striking resemblance to prison. Except the titty bars.
<>Monday I fell of a boat onto a concrete floor…<>Off of a boat…onto a concrete floor.Methinks you’re doing it wrong.
<>Monday I fell of a boat onto a concrete floor…<>Off of a boat…onto a concrete floor.Methinks you’re doing it wrong.
A pony after one year?….wow…On my fifth anniversary there all I got was a lousy fleece pull-over…*sigh*Green was never my color anywayAre you going to try and make your way into the ed. dept.?
A pony after one year?….wow…On my fifth anniversary there all I got was a lousy fleece pull-over…*sigh*Green was never my color anywayAre you going to try and make your way into the ed. dept.?
I want a pony!That was hilarious. Rookies are soo much fun, but they don’t let us have fun with them anymore……….
I want a pony!That was hilarious. Rookies are soo much fun, but they don’t let us have fun with them anymore……….
“There’s a good titty bar right next door.”Considering the multitasking that has become prevalent in EMS, is this to be the next group to take over EMS?I do not think I have a future as a fire fighter/paramedic/stripper. Mine would be more of a Randy Quaid in < HREF="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116778/" REL="nofollow">Kingpin<> kind of act.
“There’s a good titty bar right next door.”Considering the multitasking that has become prevalent in EMS, is this to be the next group to take over EMS?I do not think I have a future as a fire fighter/paramedic/stripper. Mine would be more of a Randy Quaid in < HREF="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116778/" REL="nofollow">Kingpin<> kind of act.
Where in this whole shebang was the part where your roomies were peering avidly over your shoulder in abject adoration whilst you chatted with a brilliant, if somewhat eccentric, Farmgirl? LOL glad you’re having fun with the orientation!
Where in this whole shebang was the part where your roomies were peering avidly over your shoulder in abject adoration whilst you chatted with a brilliant, if somewhat eccentric, Farmgirl? LOL glad you’re having fun with the orientation!
Was that <>really<> an old Green Machine uniform? Dear God, the horror! What was the dress uniform–a leisure suit? Did the dispatcher call “Breaker, Breaker”?
Was that <>really<> an old Green Machine uniform? Dear God, the horror! What was the dress uniform–a leisure suit? Did the dispatcher call “Breaker, Breaker”?
I just passed my paramedic test…good to know what I have to look forward to! *gulp*
I just passed my paramedic test…good to know what I have to look forward to! *gulp*
Heh! Had my own ‘initiation’ into the ER family at my new job.Not too shabby
Cool story, AD.
Heh! Had my own ‘initiation’ into the ER family at my new job.Not too shabby
Cool story, AD.
Just posted a rumination on my 15 years as a medic. We must be thinking along the same lines, AD. I was LMAO reading the post. Been there, done that!
Just posted a rumination on my 15 years as a medic. We must be thinking along the same lines, AD. I was LMAO reading the post. Been there, done that!
Been reading your blog. This was a great one. As an FTO I get to pick on the new guys. Actually got my last trainee to search the whole base during a snowstorm to find wax and wax the truck. He was so into finding the wax he even got one of our clueless supervisors to help him look.
Been reading your blog. This was a great one. As an FTO I get to pick on the new guys. Actually got my last trainee to search the whole base during a snowstorm to find wax and wax the truck. He was so into finding the wax he even got one of our clueless supervisors to help him look.
Yankee,..I was an FTO for 4 years until they promoted me to ALS supervisor.
Yankee,..I was an FTO for 4 years until they promoted me to ALS supervisor.
Hilarious! I want a pony.
Hilarious! I want a pony.
“36 days”LMAOI sorta miss the unjaded days.
“36 days”LMAOI sorta miss the unjaded days.
I am so suggesting that outfit for our new uniforms! Golf, anyone???
I am so suggesting that outfit for our new uniforms! Golf, anyone???
Oh AD; this is just wrong. So very, very wrong. I feel dirty for laughing so much reading it. Especially the second and third times I reaad it.
Oh AD; this is just wrong. So very, very wrong. I feel dirty for laughing so much reading it. Especially the second and third times I reaad it.
Awesome stuff Buddy,I’m in school on-line learning to write just like you! G’Luck with the new gig. Been so busy I haven’t been around and just wanted to say hello.Hello.How did the SC symposium go? You see any talent here, or has the incompetence I hear on the radio at Urgent Scare due to the prol, prelif, polaf, number; of large companies watered it down even more. What happened AD? When did we loose it?I remember tubing with one hand and eating a burger with the other. (Slight exaggeration- had to put the burger down to pick up the tube!) 4 units for a whole county and 1500+ calls a month. 34% of which were advanced! You were good or you were out!I can’t handle the new movement so I’ve bailed and am going over to the other side. Yep- Management! I know I know, I’m going to try to be “the advocate for who are right!” Going for my BS- Healhtcare Menstuation, on-line. So far, so good.ni, ni!Congrats on the weight loss, slow and steady Freddy. Hope you are feeling physically the results of losing the book bag or a mini me off of your person already!Later AD,J
Awesome stuff Buddy,I’m in school on-line learning to write just like you! G’Luck with the new gig. Been so busy I haven’t been around and just wanted to say hello.Hello.How did the SC symposium go? You see any talent here, or has the incompetence I hear on the radio at Urgent Scare due to the prol, prelif, polaf, number; of large companies watered it down even more. What happened AD? When did we loose it?I remember tubing with one hand and eating a burger with the other. (Slight exaggeration- had to put the burger down to pick up the tube!) 4 units for a whole county and 1500+ calls a month. 34% of which were advanced! You were good or you were out!I can’t handle the new movement so I’ve bailed and am going over to the other side. Yep- Management! I know I know, I’m going to try to be “the advocate for who are right!” Going for my BS- Healhtcare Menstuation, on-line. So far, so good.ni, ni!Congrats on the weight loss, slow and steady Freddy. Hope you are feeling physically the results of losing the book bag or a mini me off of your person already!Later AD,J
Oh, the young and innocent days! I had to laugh- had my own indoctrination to the real world of medicine in my first days too. Its ironic that as you post this one- the EMS crew at the college at which I now work is doing their orientation for the new class- oh to be so young and carefree again- not a million years old and jaded!
Oh, the young and innocent days! I had to laugh- had my own indoctrination to the real world of medicine in my first days too. Its ironic that as you post this one- the EMS crew at the college at which I now work is doing their orientation for the new class- oh to be so young and carefree again- not a million years old and jaded!
My husband worked for RM in the 90′s. Bought stock in the company as part of the *benifits* of working there. He had about $350 worth then,, not long after he quit, the stock plummeted and now it’s worth about $30. lol Good luck with the stock option thing. IF it still exists.
My husband worked for RM in the 90′s. Bought stock in the company as part of the *benifits* of working there. He had about $350 worth then,, not long after he quit, the stock plummeted and now it’s worth about $30. lol Good luck with the stock option thing. IF it still exists.