…because my brain is not filled with angry little emoticons. My brain is filled with fluffy bunnies and happiness.
Every time some malingerer with a Medicaid card snarls “I pay your salary!”, I can hear Karen Carpenter sweetly singing Close To You.
When the slack-jawed, inbred mouth-breather with a simple cold bitches for the umpteenth time “Why did HE get to go to a room right away? I’ve been sitting here for HOURS!”, I smile beatifically, because my emotional soundtrack is playing Walking on Sunshine.
When I explain to the Human Hippo (so named because she weighs 400 pounds and has a big mouth with precisely four teeth in it), for the fourth time since yesterday, that “It’s a stomach virus. We can’t cure viruses. We weren’t able to cure your other three kids when you brought them in over the past 24 hours. We’re not going to be able to cure you. Go home and stick a few of those Phenergan suppositories up your ass. You ought to have plenty of them,” I can do so without the slightest sign of frustration, because Louie Armstrong is personally serenading me with What a Wonderful World.
When the fourth person of the day complains of 10/10 pain and claims drug allergies that can best be summarized as “everything but potent narcotics,” I swear I hear Debbie Boone singing You Light Up My Life.
When the local witch doctor sends yet another patient across the parking lot to the ER for a fucking workup he could easily do himself, I hear the Beatles singing Let It Be.
When a good friend e-mails me and snarkily reminds me of the times when I actually had the time and energy to post frequently, I can hear Wilson Phillips encouraging me to Hold On, for just one more day. And even the fat one seems kinda hot.
Nope, no stress, anger and pressure here. Just warm spring breezes and alpine meadows with chirping birds and Julie Andrews prancing about, and all those lovely, uplifting songs in my personal inspirational soundtrack…
…where they all seem to merge together into one cacophonous clanging in my head until only one word comes through clearly:
KILL.*
So if you’ll excuse me, I have to go get my deer rifle and find a high spot somewhere.
Or put up a blog post. Whichever.
Hahaha! Silly! Stress is fun, isn’t it? Doesn’t it take a large brain tumor compressing the limbic system to do some tower rifling, though? Now I need to find that Hippa post you mentioned on my blog . . .
Hahaha! Silly! Stress is fun, isn’t it? Doesn’t it take a large brain tumor compressing the limbic system to do some tower rifling, though? Now I need to find that Hippa post you mentioned on my blog . . .
Uhhmmm…Yeah…So get off your ass and post. Or we’ll tie you down and alter your brain so that all the times you think about Babs we’ll make Hippo Lady’s smiling face appear. In a thong. With a handful of suppositories.Ewww. I’m done now.Hope the smoke clears soon. Till then we’ll still be here.tweaker
Uhhmmm…Yeah…So get off your ass and post. Or we’ll tie you down and alter your brain so that all the times you think about Babs we’ll make Hippo Lady’s smiling face appear. In a thong. With a handful of suppositories.Ewww. I’m done now.Hope the smoke clears soon. Till then we’ll still be here.tweaker
everyone’s a critic, eh?I think you’re doing great!
everyone’s a critic, eh?I think you’re doing great!
Sounds like our patients today AD. I wanted to kick each of them, but I knew they’d just run straight to the ER and then the police. Sigh. May your evening be much better.And I can’t resist…Speakertweaker, that is downright evil!
Sounds like our patients today AD. I wanted to kick each of them, but I knew they’d just run straight to the ER and then the police. Sigh. May your evening be much better.And I can’t resist…Speakertweaker, that is downright evil!
Clock towers are good for that sort of thing. I hear the one at University of Texas is prefect.Just sayin’.
Clock towers are good for that sort of thing. I hear the one at University of Texas is prefect.Just sayin’.
*giggle-snort*You’re so sexy when you’re sarcastic.
*giggle-snort*You’re so sexy when you’re sarcastic.
Well. My work is done, here.
Well. My work is done, here.
I’ve got a voodoo doll with your name on it, and a ‘taint-waxing kit. Be warned!
I’ve got a voodoo doll with your name on it, and a ‘taint-waxing kit. Be warned!
AD, after a day like that you simply HAVE to see this:http://tinyurl.com/ynjmv7
AD, after a day like that you simply HAVE to see this:http://tinyurl.com/ynjmv7
Prozac, Zoloft, or Lexapro?
Prozac, Zoloft, or Lexapro?
A beer and a blog post…killin’ is so messy.
A beer and a blog post…killin’ is so messy.
I HATE Assesment! We can’t even call it Triage because we are sub par Urgent Scare who only see 150 patients a day with a staff of 3 and 1/2 LOL!You can sum them up as soon if not before they hit the door! It’s not even a challenge anymore. I Pray for the new job soon. Still dealing with them but in a different way! Love LOve Love- the choices of songs.Hang in there Bro- we will overcome!chlamydia rules,John
I HATE Assesment! We can’t even call it Triage because we are sub par Urgent Scare who only see 150 patients a day with a staff of 3 and 1/2 LOL!You can sum them up as soon if not before they hit the door! It’s not even a challenge anymore. I Pray for the new job soon. Still dealing with them but in a different way! Love LOve Love- the choices of songs.Hang in there Bro- we will overcome!chlamydia rules,John
The hills are alive…
The hills are alive…
Just keep singing to yourself the following and all will be okay:I feel prettyOh so prettyI feel pretty and witty and gayAnd I pityAny Ambulance Driver who isn’t me todayAnd now that <>THAT<> is stuck in your cranium, I’m off to hide in my septic tank…
Just keep singing to yourself the following and all will be okay:I feel prettyOh so prettyI feel pretty and witty and gayAnd I pityAny Ambulance Driver who isn’t me todayAnd now that <>THAT<> is stuck in your cranium, I’m off to hide in my septic tank…
The voices in <>my<> head told me to stay home and clean my guns today. Those voices can’t sing worth a darn.
The voices in <>my<> head told me to stay home and clean my guns today. Those voices can’t sing worth a darn.
heh. heh. I’ve missed seeing you post more frequently, but this made up for it. Especially after a day that made me seriously consider retaliating on the world at large with random acts of violence (otherwise known as “pulling a sumdood.”) You make an otherwise sucky day better…your blog is one of the best things to come out of Louisiana in a while (certainly better than Britney Spears, not quite as good as fresh beignets).
heh. heh. I’ve missed seeing you post more frequently, but this made up for it. Especially after a day that made me seriously consider retaliating on the world at large with random acts of violence (otherwise known as “pulling a sumdood.”) You make an otherwise sucky day better…your blog is one of the best things to come out of Louisiana in a while (certainly better than Britney Spears, not quite as good as fresh beignets).
Or the breathing difficulty at 0230 at the local nursing home – the one with NURSES, real live RNs for a patient with COPD, CHF, and pneumonia and they call for a Breathing Difficulty. I would like to say that there’s some warm song playing in my head but no. Thanks for a great blog – love reading it and as a newbie to the EMS world, it’s comforting to know that idiocy is not limited to my regional area.
Or the breathing difficulty at 0230 at the local nursing home – the one with NURSES, real live RNs for a patient with COPD, CHF, and pneumonia and they call for a Breathing Difficulty. I would like to say that there’s some warm song playing in my head but no. Thanks for a great blog – love reading it and as a newbie to the EMS world, it’s comforting to know that idiocy is not limited to my regional area.
Haha, human hippo. I recently had a post like that. Some 400 pound dude with 2 teeth grabbed my chest. It was sexy.
Haha, human hippo. I recently had a post like that. Some 400 pound dude with 2 teeth grabbed my chest. It was sexy.