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Well, That Depends…

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…on whether you’re trying to pick up a paramedic, or whether you are the paramedic.

Some of my personal favorites include:

The James Bond Approach: “Driver. Ambulance Driver.”

Complimenting the lady’s appearance: “Heeeyyyy, nice veins.”

The Chicks Are Impressed By Medical Terminology Approach: “Baby, dancing this close with you has stimulated my Meissner’s Corpuscles to the point of extreme engorgement of my corpus cavernosum.”

The Direct Approach: “I drive a big van with a bed in the back.”

The Wounded Hero Approach: “See this mark on my neck? I was bitten by a rat while trying to resuscitate a baby abandoned in a crack house. What’s that? Yeah, I know it looks like a hickey. The rat hung on for a long time.”

Of course, if you’re trying to pick up a paramedic, these work well:

“Hi, I’m Nurse Heather. I make twice the money you do, but I don’t see that as an obstacle to a healthy relationship, do you?”

“Is that a laryngoscope in your pocket, or are you glad to see me?”

“Free food!”

“Psssssst…do THESE look swollen to you?”

“The doctor gave me a clean bill of health! No more chlamydia!”

“Free food!”

“Yes I realize it’s 3:00 am. This is an EMERGENT breast exam.”

“Hi, I’m Flight Nurse Rhonda. Can you help me with the zipper on my flight suit?”

“Free food!”

“I know you did all you could. I knew this would happen; investment banking is a very stressful profession. Yes, he was a good deal older than me. I still can’t believe I’m a widow at age 28! Whatever will I do with this huge house, and the boats and cars? I just feel so…vulnerable.”

Did I mention “free food?”

Posted by Ambulance Driver on December 28, 2007 • Filed under: Uncategorized
  • Wyatt Earp
    Um, it's been a week. Post something new, please!
  • Wyatt Earp
    Um, it's been a week. Post something new, please!
  • Babs
    Matt, we ladies have to sacrifice certain things when it comes to the gentlemen in our lives...either they have a clue and they're complete dogs, or they don't and they're actually honest. Just a fact of life. ;)
  • Babs
    Matt, we ladies have to sacrifice certain things when it comes to the gentlemen in our lives...either they have a clue and they're complete dogs, or they don't and they're actually honest. Just a fact of life. ;)
  • John McElveen
    Wanna see my Hurst tool?< />< />Happy New Year my friend!< />May it be the best ever,< />< />John
  • John McElveen
    Wanna see my Hurst tool?< />< />Happy New Year my friend!< />May it be the best ever,< />< />John
  • hottdog
    very funny.< />i get weird and random referrals too. < />the things people google are AMAZING. lol.
  • hottdog
    very funny.< />i get weird and random referrals too. < />the things people google are AMAZING. lol.
  • phlegmfatale
    Happy new year to you and Babs!
  • phlegmfatale
    Happy new year to you and Babs!
  • Don Gwinn
    I've done this one before:< />< />"Whoa . . . you're the first one in a long time to get a vein on the first stick! What are you, a genius?"< />< />Never picked one up with that one (I'm a happily married ape) but I did make a nurse giggle and flutter her lashes at the blood bank the other day.< />< />Maybe they have an advantage using needles loving crafted from 1/2-inch water pipe.
  • Don Gwinn
    I've done this one before:< />< />"Whoa . . . you're the first one in a long time to get a vein on the first stick! What are you, a genius?"< />< />Never picked one up with that one (I'm a happily married ape) but I did make a nurse giggle and flutter her lashes at the blood bank the other day.< />< />Maybe they have an advantage using needles loving crafted from 1/2-inch water pipe.
  • Kat
    HAPPY NEW YEAR"!
  • Kat
    HAPPY NEW YEAR"!
  • Epijunky
    AD... Just in case you don't post tonight, I've enjoyed reading your blog over the last several months.< />< />Here's wishing you, your little one, and Babs a very Happy New Year.
  • Epijunky
    AD... Just in case you don't post tonight, I've enjoyed reading your blog over the last several months.< />< />Here's wishing you, your little one, and Babs a very Happy New Year.
  • Matt G
    bit constrained, with my pal Babs reading this? :)
  • Matt G
    bit constrained, with my pal Babs reading this? :)
  • Kaerius
    Re: Gerald< />< />Hepatitis A is present in thailand, mainly spread through water, which means sallad rinced under water and such.< />< />Typhoid fever is also present and spreads/infects the same way.< />< />I don't want to talk about how the infection gets to the water/food...< />< />So, I take shots for those as a precaution and can eat carefree.< />< />I'm not going into the jungle or countryside, or I'd have taken shots against japanese encephalitis and malaria...(malaria for jungle, encephalitis for countryside, both spread by (different) mosquitoes... I'm going to rely on mosquito nets and repellant).< />< />I take the hepatitis A+B shot simply because there's a nice vaccine that works for both, and it doesn't hurt to be vaccinated for B in case of injury(spread through blood/sex).
  • Kaerius
    Re: Gerald< />< />Hepatitis A is present in thailand, mainly spread through water, which means sallad rinced under water and such.< />< />Typhoid fever is also present and spreads/infects the same way.< />< />I don't want to talk about how the infection gets to the water/food...< />< />So, I take shots for those as a precaution and can eat carefree.< />< />I'm not going into the jungle or countryside, or I'd have taken shots against japanese encephalitis and malaria...(malaria for jungle, encephalitis for countryside, both spread by (different) mosquitoes... I'm going to rely on mosquito nets and repellant).< />< />I take the hepatitis A+B shot simply because there's a nice vaccine that works for both, and it doesn't hurt to be vaccinated for B in case of injury(spread through blood/sex).
  • phlegmfatale
    holy crap, babs - you managed to make ME nervous with that one, and I'm not trying to pick anyone up!
  • phlegmfatale
    holy crap, babs - you managed to make ME nervous with that one, and I'm not trying to pick anyone up!
  • Wyatt Earp
    < />< />In my profession, we would call that hitting the jackpot.
  • Wyatt Earp
    < />< />In my profession, we would call that hitting the jackpot.
  • Gerald
    Kaerius said "going to Thailand and don't want to get sick from the food. ;)"< />< />I've lived here well over 20 years and I have never gotten sick on bad food -- eating too much is a different story.
  • Gerald
    Kaerius said "going to Thailand and don't want to get sick from the food. ;)"< />< />I've lived here well over 20 years and I have never gotten sick on bad food -- eating too much is a different story.
  • Anonymous
    I am in no way in the medical industry, but since everyone keeps mentioning nice veins...< />< />I am so jealous of those people with nice veins. Heck, who have even mildly reasonable veins. Mine are nearly invisible and are very tricky, they like to move out of the way and hide.< />< />One time I had an EMS tell me, after an accident, that he couldn't find a pulse. The driver couldn't either. Not something you want to hear after a car wreck...< />< />Or, when drawing blood... every now and then I'll come across someone who can stick me right away, more so now that I have begun working out and taking a LOT of L-Arginine, but back in the dayI would get stuck 4-5 times. On time someone gave up on my arms and just stuck a knuckle.< />< />Oh, lucky... lucky people.
  • Anonymous
    I am in no way in the medical industry, but since everyone keeps mentioning nice veins...< />< />I am so jealous of those people with nice veins. Heck, who have even mildly reasonable veins. Mine are nearly invisible and are very tricky, they like to move out of the way and hide.< />< />One time I had an EMS tell me, after an accident, that he couldn't find a pulse. The driver couldn't either. Not something you want to hear after a car wreck...< />< />Or, when drawing blood... every now and then I'll come across someone who can stick me right away, more so now that I have begun working out and taking a LOT of L-Arginine, but back in the dayI would get stuck 4-5 times. On time someone gave up on my arms and just stuck a knuckle.< />< />Oh, lucky... lucky people.
  • TrekMedic251
    @epijunky,..along that same line,..you know you've been working EMS too long when you start thinking "nice veins" before nice hair, face, breasts, etc,...< />< />;-)
  • TrekMedic251
    @epijunky,..along that same line,..you know you've been working EMS too long when you start thinking "nice veins" before nice hair, face, breasts, etc,...< />< />;-)
  • Kate
    < />< />One of the things I have to tell every single phlebotomy class I teach is that wording is important and they should *not* say, "You're going to feel a big (or little) prick."
  • Kate
    < />< />One of the things I have to tell every single phlebotomy class I teach is that wording is important and they should *not* say, "You're going to feel a big (or little) prick."
  • RT
    What no lines involving tongue depressors and the need to examine tonsils?
  • RT
    What no lines involving tongue depressors and the need to examine tonsils?
  • Red
    Hmmm.....I feed my paramedic friends all the time, but it's just 'cause I like to cook, I swear! < />< />Well, that and it freaks out the neighbours and housemates when an ambulance pulls up to the house and the paramedics jump out....hehe.
  • Red
    Hmmm.....I feed my paramedic friends all the time, but it's just 'cause I like to cook, I swear! < />< />Well, that and it freaks out the neighbours and housemates when an ambulance pulls up to the house and the paramedics jump out....hehe.
  • Kate
    Phelbotomists use the "nice veins" line, too!
  • Kate
    Phelbotomists use the "nice veins" line, too!
  • Gary
    Farmgirl, it's probably a good thing she didn't say that she'd never been intubated before!
  • Gary
    Farmgirl, it's probably a good thing she didn't say that she'd never been intubated before!
  • Farmgirl
    AD, you forgot one that I've seen work before. < />< />"I've never had an IV before... how exactly is that done?"< />< />The EMT in question promptly got his emergency bag from his car and showed her. Then let her do one on him. Probably not the smartest thing in the world, but he really wanted to get laid....
  • Farmgirl
    AD, you forgot one that I've seen work before. < />< />"I've never had an IV before... how exactly is that done?"< />< />The EMT in question promptly got his emergency bag from his car and showed her. Then let her do one on him. Probably not the smartest thing in the world, but he really wanted to get laid....
  • emergencyem
    This dude(or dudette) made a visit to my blog as well, wonder if s/he found anything? Lol. < />< />Loved the post AD!
  • emergencyem
    This dude(or dudette) made a visit to my blog as well, wonder if s/he found anything? Lol. < />< />Loved the post AD!
  • the pistolero
    Free food is great. It's one of the perks at the job I work, too. ;-)
  • the pistolero
    Free food is great. It's one of the perks at the job I work, too. ;-)
  • Babs
    to be picked up, in which case, just remember that you take your life and your crotch into your own hands when you actually use a "line".
  • Babs
    to be picked up, in which case, just remember that you take your life and your crotch into your own hands when you actually use a "line".
  • Kaerius
    Hehe, funny, but I'd be more interested in pick up lines that work on female nurses(or doctors for that matter). ;)< />< />Unlike epijunky's hubby, I got no fear of needles, so that one might work on me(assuming the medic who says it is female and reasonably attractive). I just had a hepatitis A/B shot a bit over a week ago, and I'm lined up for the followup as well as a typhoid shot next month... going to Thailand and don't want to get sick from the food. ;)
  • Kaerius
    Hehe, funny, but I'd be more interested in pick up lines that work on female nurses(or doctors for that matter). ;)< />< />Unlike epijunky's hubby, I got no fear of needles, so that one might work on me(assuming the medic who says it is female and reasonably attractive). I just had a hepatitis A/B shot a bit over a week ago, and I'm lined up for the followup as well as a typhoid shot next month... going to Thailand and don't want to get sick from the food. ;)
  • Epijunky
    I've used the "nice veins" line on my own husband... < />< />Doesn't work so well.< />< />Of course he's got a horrible fear of needles, but like that should matter:)< />< />Maybe I need to rethink things. < />< />*cough* Star of Life *cough cough*
  • Epijunky
    I've used the "nice veins" line on my own husband... < />< />Doesn't work so well.< />< />Of course he's got a horrible fear of needles, but like that should matter:)< />< />Maybe I need to rethink things. < />< />*cough* Star of Life *cough cough*
  • Hammer
    I was sure there would be something about intubation ;)
  • Hammer
    I was sure there would be something about intubation ;)
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