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EMS Comedy: Don’t Quit Your Day Job

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Oops, he already got fired from his day job.

By now, most of you EMS types have read about the South Carolina firefighter-paramedic who got fired over an Xtranormal text-to-movie video he posted on his Facebook page.

Opinions on the incident range from “Whatever happened to free speech?” to “Serves the idiot right.”

Without question, the video was in poor taste. It was profane, scatological, reflected poorly on EMS and the fire service, and played into every tired stereotype of paramedics and nursing home nurses. But hey, if poor taste and potty humor were a crime, I wouldn’t even have a blog.

In my opinion, Colleton County Fire Rescue’s administrators bungled the handling of the incident, and overreacted by firing the medic in question. My guess is that they had no formal policy on social media, but you can bet they, and others, will develop one after this brouhaha. Let’s hope the policies developed are more even-handed and well thought out than their handling of this incident.

Here at The Borg, we were reminded of our social media policy after this story hit the news. I can sum it up for you in one sentence: “Don’t act an ass in public while representing yourself as an agent of this organization.”

That’s pretty broad, and open to much interpretation, but that’s all that really needs to be said. When you post, respect patient confidentiality, don’t air your agency’s dirty laundry in public, and don’t make any statements you’d be ashamed to own, because there is no such thing as anonymity on the internet.

Above all, I think this guy’s biggest sin in posting this video is that it just wasn’t funny. Just another tired anti-nursing home rant, really, one of a gazillion such war stories told by paramedics every day.

I’ve seen a number of these videos across the blogosphere, and none of them are particularly funny. I’ve thought about making one myself, but they don’t have any pure EMT characters, only cops and firefighters, and I reject that on general principles.

Then again, the original was a pretty hard act to follow:

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Product Showcase: OxyMask

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So this guy is lying in a hospital bed being treated for his pneumonia, and he’s got a non-rebreather mask strapped to his face.

A nurse’s aide comes in the room, and the guy asks, “Are my testicles black?”

The aide, long since used to dirty old men, ignores him, checks his vital signs, refills his water pitcher and leaves.

Later, the respiratory therapist comes in the room to administer an albuterol nebulizer, and the guy asks again, “Are my testicles black?”

Pointedly, the respiratory therapist replies, “That’s not my area, Sir. You’ll have to ask your nurse.”

After lunch, the nurse is hanging the guy’s IV piggyback of antibiotics, and he asks, “Are my testicles black?”

The nurse leaves the room in an indignant huff, and tells the doctor that something must be done with the patient in 403.

Wearily, the doctor trudges down to the room to have a word with his patient. When the patient sees him, a look of profound relief flashes across his face, and he says, “Thank God, it’s my doctor! Tell me, are my testicles black?”

The doctor flips back the sheet, gives the man’s genitals a cursory examination, and says, “Mr. Jones, there appears to be nothing wrong with your testicles.”

The patient heaves a mighty sigh, pulls the non-rebreather mask away from his face and says, very distinctly, “Are. My. Test. Results. Back?”

**********

Riddle me this, Batman: If you could replace every oxygen delivery device on your ammalance  – every venturi mask, simple face mask, partial rebreather, nasal cannula and non-rebreather -  and replace it with a device that does the work of all those things, is less claustrophobic for the patient, and prevents you from mistakenly checking your patient’s testicles, would you do it?

Yeah, I thought so.

The OxyMask is a nifty little doohickey I’ve seen at the past few trade shows I’ve attended, and the device intrigues me somewhat.

Pictured: pediatric, adult, and multi-OxyMask, suitable for aerosolized medications.

Pictured: pediatric, adult, and multi-OxyMask, suitable for aerosolized medications.

Basically, it’s a skeletonized oxygen mask, fitted with a proprietary venturi system that allows delivery of oxygen concentrations ranging from 24%-90%, depending upon flow rate. That encompasses the practical oxygen delivery concentrations of everything from nasal cannulas to non-rebreathers, folks. Plus, you can suction through ‘em!

Using a separate adaptor, they’ll allow end-tidal waveform capnography with any monitor that uses Oridion’s CO2 monitoring technology. Sadly, no such adaptor exists for you folks using Zoll monitors.

Here at The Borg, we stock our rig shelves with at least 6 nasal cannulas, 6 non-rebreather masks, and 6 hand-held nebulizers, and if we need a nebulizer/mask combo, we have to cannibalize a non-rebreather to do it.

We could do the same thing with a half dozen each of the pediatric and adult OxyMulti Masks, and take at least 24 otherwise superfluous hunks of plastic off our rigs.

The company even has a variant that looks just like a telephone operator’s headset, for the occasional patient with facial burns or trauma.oxyarmDiffuser

For an oxygen delivery geek like me, this thing just looks neater than kitten toes. I think I’m gonna have to plant a bug in the ear of The Borg’s product review committee, and see if we can’t get a few of these things to play with.

Any of you EMTs out there use ‘em in your system? What are your thoughts?

You Know He’s a Frequent Flier* When:

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You arrive on the scene for the unconscious male lying in the roadway, cruise slowly past the police cars blocking traffic, and without even getting out of your ambulance, you roll down the window and bark, “Leon! Get your ignorant ass outta the road! Someone runs over you, you might damage a perfectly good car!”

And not only does Leon obediently cease being an impediment to traffic flow, he also hobbles meekly to your ambulance and climbs aboard. You should have seen the face of the cops who called us.

Yes, Leon is a patient we transport all the time, and yes, that’s exactly how the call went down.

And no, there is absolutely nothing wrong with him that about 220 grains of Trepanazine wouldn’t fix.

*Of course, The Borg frowns on us referring to such people as frequent fliers. Rather, they’re valued repeat customers, which everyone knows are the foundation to a successful business.

Scott Fujita, Class Act

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I know professional football is a business, and for that reason even a favorite player may not remain with a team for their entire career.

Joe Horn went to the Falcons.

Rickey Jackson had to go to the 49ers to win his Super Bowl.

Even Archie Manning didn’t end his career with the Saints.

Still, I think in this situation, New Orleans’ loss is Cleveland’s gain.

EMS Today After Action Report

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After last Tuesday’s round of recoil therapy and ballistic mood enhancers, TOTWTYTR and I ventured south Wednesday morning to Baltimore, site of EMS Last Week Today.

[Editor's nip at the hand that feeds me: JEMS, you do a great job at this conference. The exhibit hall is great, the show is well-organized, with nationally known speakers presenting interesting topics, and for the attendee who gets to attend but one show every few years, it has excellent educational value...

... but, for the attendee who comes to EMS Today every year, or the ones who attend multiple EMS conferences per year, it's getting a little, well, stale. For the past several years, I've perused the list of speakers and topics, and with the exception of a small handful of slots, my overwhelming reaction has been, "Meh. Seen that speaker/topic/presentation before. Even the slides look recycled."

It's not the speakers that are the problem, either, although you do need some new blood. I've seen most of them speak multiple times, and they're all good. But they've got better stuff than the topics you're choosing. I've seen their good stuff before, just rarely at EMS Today.

My suggestion: court a little controversy. Book some speakers nobody has ever heard of. Choose some topics that haven't been discussed and debated ad infinitum in various other forums already. Sure, you risk offending some of your attendees, but trying to concoct a dish that pleases everyone's palate ultimately only makes for a dish that is so bland that it pleases no one. It's the EMS educational equivalent of hospital food.]

Aside from my (admittedly) jaded view of the educational content, I was really looking forward to taking advantage of the real value of EMS Today: meeting people and networking. On that score I was not disappointed.

Once again, TOTWTYTR and I enjoyed the hospitality of a genuine EMS legend, Lou Jordan. Lou’s a lovable old coot with an abiding hatred of skateboarders (he blows the Claymores at the first sight of baggy pants and backwards-facing ball caps), but walking the exhibit hall with him takes hours:

[Walk ten feet]

Lou: “Hey guys, let me introduce you to So-And-So! He was the lead instructor in Jesus’ First Responder class! Taught it from the original Nancy Caroline text, written on papyrus leaves!”

So-And-So (modestly): “I just issued his patch. Jesus had the whole healing thing down pat before he even got to class.”

[Thirty minutes later, walk ten more feet]

Lou: “Hey look, it’s Sumguy, the fella that thought up rotating tourniquets!”

Sumguy (modestly): Well, I owe a lot of that to you, Lou. You’re the one that convinced me leeches were so 19th century…”

Lou’s a walking, talking EMS history lesson, no doubt, and there’s nothing better than drinking beer and listening to Lou and guys like Rick Kendrick swap stories (for you EMS whippersnappers who don’t know who Rick Kendrick is, I’m pretty sure you’ve used a device he invented).

However, I was looking forward to meeting a few EMTs from a more recent generation. Despite being the owner of arguably the biggest online EMS bookstore on the web, Lou is a bit of a Luddite. He still does his personal computing on an abacus, fer Chrissakes, and he’s never quite grasped this whole “blogging thing,” as he calls it.

So we ventured forth onto the exhibit hall floor in search of a couple of guys who, in recent weeks, have demonstrated the power and potential of social media in EMS. Way over by the Zoll booth, tucked into a little cubbyhole were Justin Schorr and Mark Glencorse, the two stars of the Chronicles of EMS.

I was disappointed, frankly. If Patrick Swayze weren’t dead, he’d definitely tell the folks at Zoll that nobody puts Baby Justin and Mark in a corner. But the young lady from Zoll was much cuter than Jerry Orbach, so I let it pass.

This time.

They didn’t seem to mind, though. Justin was busy autographing the boobs of some groupie, and Mark was fielding a call from A.J. Heightman, but eventually I was able to tear Justin’s attention from the boobage, and Mark told A.J.’s people to call his people and perhaps they’d do lunch, and I introduced myself and TOTWTYTR to the Johnny and Roy of the Twitter generation. Justin introduced me to Ted Setla, the man behind the filming of Chronicles of EMS.

Hands were shaken, manly hugs ensued, and much unseemly fawning was done. Sure, Mark Glencorse is an uncommonly charming and ruggedly handsome bloke, but from my buddy’s reaction, you’d have thought Glencorse was the fifth Beatle and TOTWTYTR was a pre-pubescent girl.

Honestly, I had to pry him away before he vapor locked on me, and thus I was unable to let Justin finish signing my boobs.

Disappointing, that.

As we talked, I was struck by how much shorter Justin seemed to be in person, but eventually I realized that was only because I was standing on a small, hobbit-like creature that turned out to be Chris Montera. He brushed off my apology, said something about some podcast thing or another he was doing, and scurried away.

Nice guy, that Chris Montera, even if he hasn’t invited me to be on his show (hint, hint).

While we were moseying about the exhibit hall, we met a few other luminaries of the JEMS EMS/Fire blog network, like John Mitchell and Rhett Fleitz, co-hosts of the Firefighter Netcast. And yes, they do remind one of Chris Farley and David Spade. And they dig at each other like an old married couple, too.

Got to reunite with Mike Ward the Fossil Medic, the man I suspect is largely responsible for the wonderful reception paid us bloggers by JEMS and George Washington University, and met Jamie “Podmedic” Davis from MedicCast. Jamie and Chris did a podcast live from the exhibit hall floor, and Dave Konig was a guest.

Got to hug a tall, smokin’ hawt redhead, namely Epi Junky from Pink, Warm and Dry, and chat with Chris Kaiser from Life Under The Lights, who is neither as tall nor nearly as hawt as Epi Junky, but still a redhead. Friday night at the big blogger meetup, I introduced Chris to Rick Kendrick, and watched him go all fanboi for a few minutes.

Which wasn’t as embarassing as watching TOTWTYTR throw his panties at Dave Statter, but close. In what may be the first such instance in recorded history, someone else scooped Dave Statter on an EMS or fire story. A couple of bloggers managed to get up their posts about the blogger meetup before Dave did.

Enjoy the feeling, guys. It won’t happen often.

Got to meet and talk for quite some time with a guy I’ve been a fan of for years, the EKG Yoda himself, Tom Bouthillet of Prehospital 12-Lead EKG. Chatted at length with Rogue Medic, the Don Quixote of the EMS blogosphere. Shared a great meal with shooter, raconteur and one of the truly good guys of the blogosphere, Old NFO.

Reconnected with a number of friends and met some new ones, among them Bryan Bledsoe, reader Stephanie Goddard, James Laidlaw, EMS1 editor Kris Kaull, Ronnie Grubb of First Due Medic and his lovely wife, NJDivemedic, reader Jared, Nate the EMT-B, and probably a couple dozen others I’m forgetting.

Since I had to fly home Saturday morning, TOTWTYTR and I decided to forego the post-blogger meetup pub crawl, but I’m told it was epic. No one got their Edgar Allan Poe on, and a good time was had by all.

In all, it was a great time, and I thoroughly enjoyed meeting in person some of the people whose blogs I read on a daily basis. Hopefully, we’ll do it all again at EMS Expo in October!

Four White Cops, One Angry Black Man…

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… and the angry black man was high on drugs and emotionally despondent over the inability to kick his addiction.

And the incident ended not with gunfire, or with the black man writhing on the ground at the end of a Taser, but with the angry black man walking to the ambulance and climbing aboard, of his own free will. The EMTs bandaged the man’s lacerated wrists as he sobbed brokenly, and the cops quietly assured him that they were there to help, not arrest, and that they’d do whatever it took to get the angry black man the help he needed.

And when the angry black man thanked one of the white cops for treating him like a man and a fellow human being, and begged him to accompany him to the hospital, the white cop promised that he’d follow right behind the ambulance, and he’d be there with him in the ER as he went through what was undoubtedly a very frightening time for the angry black man.

He delivered on his promise, too.

That’s how the majority of these encounters go, you know. Doesn’t matter if the cops are white and the angry man is black, or vice versa. With a little compassion and a lot of communication, the vast majority of such incidents end without harm or bloodshed. I see them play out this way every day.

I tell you this story not because it is unusual, but because it isn’t.

You know, just in case you got the opposite impression from what you always see in the news.

Ambulance Driver’s Aimless Tweets

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  • Northeast Bloggershoot AAR, With Pics!: Now that I’m home and the whirlwind of activity is over, I have time to po… http://bit.ly/cqwQoU #
  • And The Winner Is…: … the Silver Bullet.
    Rather than put up a poll, I let KatyBeth read the suggestions, and she e… http://bit.ly/d317HA #
  • Heading home after EMS Today. Check the blog for the after action report later today! #
  • Tired.: No blog for you tonight. You come back inna morning, maybe we have blog for you then.
    Like when I’m not ex… http://bit.ly/ayNytv #
  • Came all the way to Baltimore craving crab cakes, only to discover they're getting their crabs less than an hour from my house. #
  • Just met @Happymedic and @999medic at EMS Today. Rakishly handsome and charming men, both of 'em. I swooned. ;) #
  • A Picture Worth A Thousand Words: The FEMA booth at EMS Today:

    In fairness to FEMA, I’m sure that wall isn’t gonn… http://bit.ly/aEnaF6 #

  • Signing a few copies of my original book at booth 1606 at EMS Today. Stop by! #
  • Beer and cigars with TOTWTYTR tonight, and both of us at EMS Today tomorrow. See y'all there! #
  • On The Road Again…: … headed to EMS Today with TOTWTYTR, following a great day of recoil therapy courtesy of Jay G… http://bit.ly/9hNlRv #
  • On my way to EMS Today with TOTWTYTR, after some much needed recoil therapy yesterday! #
  • Oooooh, BURN!: Overheard at the Northeast Bloggershoot.
    Jay G: “Seriously, there’s  a warning label you’re suppose… http://bit.ly/awuq8D #
  • A Bleg For a Good Cause…: … and no, it’s not for me. You guys have helped me out quite enough already.
    Fellow blog… http://bit.ly/covJOV #
  • To the fat, sweaty TSA screener at Lafayette airport: no one does a body cavity search like you, Hilda. Thanks for being gentle. #
  • Observations From The Bolance: Discovered tonight on a seizure call:

    The map tracking on our computer system does… http://bit.ly/deXUPZ #

  • Ambulance Driver’s Aimless Tweets: There's a personal injury lawyer here that bills himself as the "tough, smart l… http://bit.ly/anNa15 #

Northeast Bloggershoot AAR, With Pics!

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Now that I’m home and the whirlwind of activity is over, I have time to post on the past week’s activity.

Monday, I had The Ex drive me to the airport, whereupon I left The Silver Bullet in her care for the next week, since the tranny on her Family Truckster shit the bed. Once at the airport, I submitted to the usual tender ministrations of the Too Stupid for Arby’s Transportation Security Administration drones, and aside from the body cavity search by a very large and sweaty woman with a moustache and a lazy eye, made it to Boston relatively painlessly.

That evening, we had dinner at Jake’s Dixie Roadhouse. Jay G, Weer’d Beard, Borepatch, TOTWTYTR, Aaron the rocket scientist, Libertyman, Zeeke42 and Medic Matthew were in attendance. Much tasty barbecue and alcohol was consumed (but not too much), conversation was lively, and various gunny and political topics were debated.

And with apologies to Jay’s AAR, the real Quote of the Night was this one from Weer’d Beard:

“Actually, if you’ve ever watched Home Improvement, it’s pretty obvious that Wilson swung both ways.”

Gotta keep on your toes at these things, folks. You never know where the conversation is gonna go.

**********

Tuesday morning dawned bright and fair, and TOTWTYTR and I drove to Harvard Sportsmen’s Club to meet the others for a day of recoil therapy. Unlike the name implies, we saw no one at the club wearing polo attire, and there wasn’t a croquet mallet to be found anywhere.

There were, however, enough firearms and gun nuts in attendance to take over a small third-world country.

Or Boston, whichever.

A few of the pistols brought by our host, Ross.

A few of the pistols brought by our host, Ross.

And just a few of the rifles...

And just a few of the rifles...

The contents of just one of Jay G's gazillion gun safes...
Don't know who brought 'em, but we all shot 'em.

Don't know who brought 'em, but we all shot 'em.

Borepatch airing out TOTWTYTR's sweeeet Enfield.

Borepatch airing out TOTWTYTR's sweeeet Enfield.

Comrade G. getting his Vasily Zeitsev on.

Comrade G. getting his Vasily Zeitsev on.

That's a fair amount of money converted into smoke and noise!

That's a fair amount of money converted into smoke and noise!

One thing our hosts pointed out illustrated the idiocy of gun laws in Massachusetts, and made me thankful, once again, that I live in a free state. The following pic violates the law in Massachusetts that states that only licensed gun owners may transport ammunition, or any components thereof:

How'd you like to have your gun rights stripped away because you got a piece of brass stuck in your boot?

How'd you like to have your gun rights denied because you got some brass stuck in your boot?

That’s a felony in Massachusetts.

Kinda makes you question the law that denies convicted felons the right to own a firearm, doesn’t it, when committing a felony can be so absurdly easy?

At one point, our range host wandered down the firing line to the steel popper plates and politely, but firmly, reminded Jay that full-auto weapons were not allowed at this section of the range. Imagine his surprise to discover that Jay’s bullet hose was nothing more than his Remington Nylon 66.

One of our cohorts remarked that if Sarah Brady knew a Nylon 66 could be fired that fast (although not accurately – This is Jay G. we’re talking about, after all), she’d immediately push to outlaw it. Naturally, this led to a video opportunity to metaphorically massacre a whole litter of Sarah Brady’s kittens:

And of course, no Northeast Bloggershoot would be complete without a Jay G. bayonet charge. This time, he’s skewering a Barney target with a 12 gauge Mossbery shotty. Forgive the vertigo-inducing sideways video, but for the life of me, I can’t figure out how to rotate it:

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In all, it was a wonderful time with some great guys, and a much needed respite from work and deadlines. Thanks again to Jay and Ross for putting on this shindig, and to my borther from another mother TOTWTYTR for putting me up for a couple of days.

Coming soon, the EMS Today AAR. Stay tuned!

And The Winner Is…

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the Silver Bullet.

Rather than put up a poll, I let KatyBeth read the suggestions, and she emphatically chose Shortcircuit’s entry over all others. Since this is probably the truck I’ll drive for the next ten years or so, there’s a good chance it will be her first vehicle as well, so I figured she ought to have a say in naming it.

Shortcircuit, drop me a line with your addy, and I’ll sign and ship the book out to you soon.

Tired.

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No blog for you tonight. You come back inna morning, maybe we have blog for you then.

Like when I’m not exhausted and half-drunk.